


Green with envy.

by PortraitOfHuskies



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, F/M, Light Masochism, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Poetry, Reality, Save them all, Suicide, Supernatural Elements, Tags Are Hard, You are the MC!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-04-07 09:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 51,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortraitOfHuskies/pseuds/PortraitOfHuskies
Summary: It's never easy to make a decision, isn't it? You take one step and next thing you know you might be losing your mind. You see her emerald eyes everywhere, and soon sleep became an impossibility. You want the best for the girls but things might be even bigger than you may think. A happy ending may be too far of a reach for you, and it's too late for regrets.When things take a twisted turn and your world is turned on its head and the next choices you make will carry an even bigger weight than the last. Will you be able to live with what you've done?





	1. Wakey, wakey!

A small slit of the rising sun peeked from behind the gaps of my curtains, shining perfectly right across my face. Groaning in response and tightening my eyes, I mumbled incoherently under my breath while adjusting away from the stinging sunlight. It felt like the entire world shook me as what felt like muffled vibrations came from under the pillow. Groaning even louder, I placed my hands up to my face and swore loudly. I stuck my hand under the pillow and pulled out my phone while squinting my bleary eyes, attempting to fight the bright light.

_7:04. Missed alarms: 8_

I sprang upright, panicking and literally jumping out of bed to yank the curtains open. I peeked at the street beside my house-- It was filled with people wearing the familiar uniform, already on their way to a mutual destination. Something else caught my attention from the building opposite mine; a familiar girl waving and jumping with her messy hair bobbing about. She had the same terrified expression as mine and was pointing frantically at her phone just as I felt my own vibrated in my hands.

_S: We're so dead, I'll see you outside in 15!_

I squinted my eyes at the girl across, she gave me a sheepish smile before running out of view.

________________________________

"Wait up!" An energetic voice called out from behind me as I walked out the house gate. It was quickly followed by rapid footsteps and I felt arms clamp around my waist. 

"Sayori, we're already late!" I said irritably with a mouth full of hastily made breakfast while trying to pry her arms off.

"You're not supposed to talk with your mouth full," Sayori joked, reaching up and poking at my cheeks. "Plus, you were the one who was supposed to wake me up!" I sighed heavily and glanced down at the girl beaming up at me-- she is my best friend of many years and in typical fashion she was late. Not that I had much to say, I was late just like her but that suddenly meant I was responsible.

She was still wearing a huge smile, a huge contrast to my panicky expression. Her blazer was unbuttoned and her collar crooked, the uniform-issued ribbon hung loosely around it. This achieved displaying her happy-go-lucky attitude even more. Some of her bed hair still showed beneath a familiar cute red bow tied to either hide or complement her unkempt hair, this was quickly becoming a signature for her.

Her toothy grin made me relax a little and I ruffled her messy hair even further.

"Hey!" Sayori pushed my hand away, she then pouted and sighed. "I still can't believe our holidays are over."

"Pfft, all you did was hang out at my house and called it a vacation." I rolled my eyes at her.

"It was a well-spent, end-of-year getaway." She recited longingly, "Hey wait, this is your third year isn't it?" She mentioned suddenly, having a realization.

"Yeah?"

"That means now you have to join a club!" The corner of her lips curled into a mischievous smile.

New year blues was still settling in and I didn't give my current year any thought. I ran my hand through my hair, "Why do I have the feeling you were waiting for this exact opportunity.." I said exasperatedly. "I still don't have any clubs in mind anyways." I added pointedly.

"That's perfect! I already assumed you were too lazy to even find one." Sayori sneered.

"Hey!" Shooting her an offended look. "Well, I'm not looking for any club you're in either."

"Meanie!" She reached up and tried to smack my head, her height clearly not an advantage. "Okay guess what; you owe me." She gave up and jabbed a finger at my side.

"How?"

"For starters, it was your fault that I'm late- on the first day." She shrugged with the most smug look on her face. I opened my mouth to retaliate but she cupped her ears with her hands and started humming loudly.

We continued jabbing at each other the entire way to school. Sayori had a point however, clubs are now compulsory for third-years. And while I just avoiding giving her a straight answer, I really was telling the truth; I had no club in mind. I thought over the possible clubs Sayori could think of-- The Anime Club? Student Council? Maybe a club that involved challenging each other on who could sleep the longest? 

"Alright, if you can be bothered enough to stay back after school for me" I leaned in and crossed my arms, "I'll see what you have in mind."

"That's unfair!" She gasped, "You finish way later than I do!" Sayori pouted.

"Take it or leave it." I said smugly, basking in my revenge.

"Ugh, Fine." She sulked at my back. At the end of the day, I still had to find a club. And what she said was true, I was too lazy to find one myself. Besides, if even Sayori could survive in this club of hers, what's the worst that could happen?

___________________________

The last bell rang. I sighed in relief and started shoving my books into the bag haphazardly, eyeing my classmates exiting the room. I stood up and made my way to the door, only thing on my mind was to continue my slumber which was rudely interrupted this morning. The sliding door barely made it all the way to the end when a familiar girl jumped up at me, "You're finally finished!" Sayori hopped to her feet and immediately clung onto my arm. Her excited squeals made a few heads turn.

"I didn't expect you to literally wait outside the classroom!" I hissed at her while attempting to hold her down before she climbed up all over me.

"I got bored." Her fingers began to fidget, "And a little hungry." She softly added under her breath.

I sighed and reached into my bag for the chocolate bun I bought during my break. Sayori's face lit up when I handed it over to her. Not wasting any time she ripped it open and started munching.

"So, what's your plan?" I asked, watching her wolf down the one bun.

"Oh, It's a surprise!" She answered with her mouth still chewing, her eyes glinted at the mention of her plan. "They must be already waiting for us!"

"You already said I was coming?" Raising an eyebrow and giving her a glare.

She shrugged and gave another sheepish smile. I continued my glare at her, this meant that they were going to be expecting me. I had no idea what Sayori told them but I had to be ready. I sighed and pursed my lips. In this case, rejecting whatever her idea was will not be so simple. I sighed and ruffled her hair, I would be letting her down if I said no anyways.


	2. Welcome to the Literature Club!

The bubbly girl led me down the hallways, skipping in her steps. She was taking me down a turn in an unfamiliar part of the school. These classrooms were usually used by the various clubs and as such the halls were adorned with trophies or badges of sorts. The sun was setting-- a calm orange glow radiated from the windows, bathing the halls.

"Are you excited?" Sayori turned and smiled, now walking backwards. Her lips reached ear to ear and her eyes glistened with excitement.

"I guess?' I shrugged.

"Tsk, atleast sound excited!" She pouted and reached up to pull my cheek. I humored her a smile and she gave a giggle.

Sayori finally found a clubroom. She was practically bouncing at this point-- barely containing her excitement, my arm just flopping about as she held on. I took in the environment; The clubroom was in some far corner of the school wing and not a single soul was in sight, except for those already walking out the gates. I stared longingly at them and sighed faintly to myself just low enough so Sayori could not hear.

I eyed the door. The Literature Club, written in a cursive, elegant font.

Sayori beamed at me. "This is it!" She put a hand on the door and slid it open. Meanwhile I was bracing myself for whatever was waiting for me on the other side.

It was like walking into a different world from the hallway to the clubroom-- in the middle of the big room sat three girls who paused their happy chit-chatting to face us. Each had a different expression; one with a curious soft look, another with an agitated and annoyed frown while the last wore a welcoming smile.

One of them was extremely short compared to the rest, her bright pink bangs were accompanied by a cute hairpin while her pigtails were held together by ribbons. She could easily be mistaken for a first-year. She crossed her arms when she put her eyes on me and pouted. It was kind of cute to see her shrink slightly in her seat with an angry look.

The other was clutching a book to her chest, her long purple hair flowed down almost to her hip and she gave me a small smile. She could not handle eye contact for more than a second. A stark contrast can be made between her and the previous girl, she had a more mature look but also a soft face and was definitely the tallest among the trio. I could see her hands fiddling the corner of her book absentmindedly.

The last girl stood up and walked towards us, "Sayori!" She called out happily and gave her a hug. She was the only one I recognized, her name was Monika. We were in the same class last year and she had quite the reputation-- being athletic, smart and definitely attractive. Her long brown ponytail fell almost to her waist and she had a white ribbon that flowed alongside her locks. She glanced at me, her emerald green eyes was captivating.

"Welcome to the Literature Club!" She said brightly putting a hand out to me. I accepted her hand and gave her a kind smile. "I think we've seen each other before." She added, tapping a finger to her cheek.

"Ugh, You didn't tell us it was going to be a guy." The girl with the bright pink hair finally announced her displeasure, she got off her seat and attempted to stare me down. She was shorter than even Sayori and her tiny figure trying to intimidate me gave me a hard time to hold back my laughter. I instead gave her a sheepish grin and an apologetic expression.

"Natsuki, remember our first rule." Monika said disapprovingly but with a smile while shaking her head. So her name was Natsuki, she clicked her tongue in response and pouted harder.

"Accept all differences." A little voiced piped in, It was the purple-haired girl. She got up from her seat as well but she was still hugging the book to her chest. She stood beside Natsuki, dwarfing her and shooting me the sweetest smile.

"And that's Yuri!" Sayori said excitedly to me. The former bowed her head slightly with the same smile.

"Natsuki, you mentioned you had a surprise for the club?" Monika asked her politely.

"I do!" She shot up and suddenly gave me another glare, "But don't think it's specially for you. It's meant to be a New Year special." I raised my hands in mock surrender.

"I'll prepare the tea." Yuri announced softly, she quickly excused herself to the back of the classroom where there was an entire tea set placed neatly on a shelf. The two girls set to work, readying their respective jobs.

I eyed them from the front of the clubroom-- they were whispering furiously to each other, making all sorts of gestures. 

"Don't mind them!" Monika started brightly, sensing my concern about the two girls. She put both her hands on her hips, "Sayori told us all about you!"

"She did?" I raised an eyebrow and shot Sayori a look, who shrugged and slid behind Monika's back.

"All of them are good things!" Monika interjected and waving away the tension, "I mean, I remember you from the same class last year. Oh, but it would be fun to get to know you better." I stared at her while she shot me her warm smile again.

Natsuki finally returned with a basket that was tied with a small cloth, Yuri behind her holding a tray with five cups of steaming hot tea. She set the tray down and stood beside Natsuki, as if being her entourage.

"Ooh, what's inside?" Sayori asked excitedly.

Natsuki grinned at her and pulled off the cloth, revealing that it was filled with cupcakes; each with a unique and different decoration. There were little cat faces, some had bunny ears. They all had a thing in common-- cute.

"Wow!" Sayori exclaimed, tip-toeing behind me to get a view. She sneaked under my arm and took a cupcake, her blue eyes fixated on it while she twirled and admired it from every angle. "It's so cute!"

"Don't just stare at it, eat it!" Natsuki said proudly with a content smile from her friend's approval.

Sayori took a bite before perking up, "It's amazing!"

I gave her a light tap on the top of her head, "Don't talk with your mouth full." She recoiled and pouted at me, she pinched off a bit of the cupcake and reached up to try to put it in my mouth.

I let off a small laugh seeing her struggling to reach up.

"Meanie!" She shouted. Huffing and puffing after jumping.

"Fine." I took the bit of cupcake from her fingers and popped it in my mouth. She was not kidding, it was good. "They're really nice!" I said brightly to Natsuki.

She looked taken aback for a split second, "O-Of course!" She resumed her proud stance, her arms crossed with her chest out. I flashed her a toothy smile and took one cupcake for myself.

"Ah, if you take one that means you're now a part of us!" Monika said behind me, I jolted and nearly dropped my cupcake. "Oops, Sorry!" She laughed, and looked at me curiously. "So, are you going to join us?"

I felt a tug on my shirt and turned to see Sayori with her puppy eyes. I stood there at the center of attention, holding a cupcake. The atmosphere of the room suddenly felt heavy; Sayori munching noisily away on the cupcake while anticipating my answer, Yuri holding a teacup gingerly and looking at me with her soft eyes-- even Natsuki was expecting a reply. I looked back at Monika and took a bite out of the cupcake. I would not know it yet, but that would be the very moment I sold my soul to Monika and her emerald green eyes.


	3. The timid Lily.

The next day of school started as quickly as it ended. I stayed behind a little to let my classmates leave the room, they were all wishing one another farewells and exchanging plans they had for the evening. After letting the majority leave, I slid the classroom door open and took a deep breath, brushing away today's fatigue.

"Heeeeeey!" Sayori announced her presence and I braced myself for the inevitable hug

I felt her arms wrap around my waist, "Are you coming today?" She asked with her voice muffled-- her face buried in my back, "Y'know, we're expecting you!"

"Why are you waiting outside the classroom again?" I sighed and turned to face her, "And to answer your question-- Yes, I'm coming." She perked up and propped my arm around her shoulders. She always viewed me as a brother figure, of course being a year older was definitely one of the reasons but we have been friends even way before she moved in next to me. Ever since that day, both our parents made me promise to look after her.

As Sayori pulled my arm and we made our way to the halls again, I let my thoughts drift. It was going to be my second time visiting the club and the other three girls came into my mind. I thought about trying to connect with Natsuki-- her being the newest member until I came along made me think that we could have some things in common. But I discarded that thought as quickly as it had entered my head. She was always so prickly, it was hard to see it working.

Yuri's timid nature would also prove hard to get comfortable with. Though something about her quiet demeanor made her quite attractive.

And finally Monika-- the club president and also the subject of conversation by many other boys and even girls. It feels natural that I would be intimidated. It was far too late to get cold feet though, I was already part of the club.

Sayori was leading me happily, skipping in her steps again and humming a tune when she slowly stops. Coming into eyeshot we saw a familiar girl with the long flowing purple hair standing outside the clubroom with her back turned-- her fingers fidgeting the straps of her bag.

"Yuuuuri!" Sayori called out to her, visibly shocking the poor girl. She jolted and spun around, spilling her books on the floor. Yuri whimpered and started collecting the fallen contents.

I gave Sayori a look and jogged ahead slightly, proceeding to help Yuri pick up her books.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" Sayori apologized profusely, rushing over to help her as well.

"I-It's fine!" Yuri stuttered and giving Sayori a smile, she stole a glance at me and looked away immediately, her lips pursed. Something tells me that her fallen books were not the only thing she was worried about. I picked up two books and realized they were identical.

"Um Yuri, why do you have two of the same book?" I asked confusedly.

"Err.." She still refused to make eye contact.

"Oooh, is that the gift you mentioned?" Sayori questioned excitedly, glee written all over her face.

"Sayori-!" Yuri started, her cheeks started looking red. Sayori was oblivious to the situation she just put this poor girl in.

I reached over and lightly smacked the top of her head.

"Hey!" Sayori shouted, shielding her head. "What did I do this time?"

I hissed in response, I looked at Yuri and offered her a hand. She stared at it and hesitated, biting her lip. All the same, she gingerly took my hand so I could lift her up and handed her one of the copies. "Thanks, Yuri." I said politely, hanging the book under my arm and offering her a wide smile.

"Y-You're welcome.." She replied quietly and quickly slipped through the door, trying her hardest to hide her cheeks that were basically glowing red. I smiled after her and beckoned Sayori to follow, who was wearing a big pout and still clutching her head.

The clubroom had five chairs arranged in a circle, the two remaining girls were already there. Yuri silently took a seat beside Natsuki, whom crossed her arms and glared at me-- just as she had yesterday. Monika however shot up, "You came!" She wore her sweet smile and her eyes glinted with happiness. I guess me coming meant a lot to her, I thought to myself.

"I'm part of the literature club now, right?" I said jokingly, picking a chair beside Yuri which was facing her. Sayori picked the chair beside me and sat down excitedly.

"Of course, I'm sorry!" Monika laughed and held a hand to her mouth. I smiled and thought of something, remembering my mental notes about her.

"Hey Monika, Mind if I ask a question?" I leaned forward on my chair.

"Shoot!"

"Why did you leave the debate club?" I asked, tapping my cheek in curiosity. "I heard a lot about you there!"

"It was fun," She answered, blushing slightly from the compliment, "But the reason I left was mostly because of the competition, and even the politics. I was in debate because I liked to argue about things that mattered." Monika continued, her back resting against the chair. "But ultimately, my reasons went out the window. All the drama and in-fighting, it was the death of me. In the end I decided that I preferred to do something that I liked and was meant for me, so I created this!" She put her arms up and gestured at her small band of girls.

Sayori nodded enthusiastically, "I was the first member!" She raised her hand, Monika giggled in response. Feeling satisfied with the answer, I gave her a smile. She was popular enough that her resignation from the debate club ringed throughout the school but somehow not many people knew of the Literature Club. She was also definitely not a bad person, she welcomed me with open arms and had a gentle smile when announcing her little club. All the characteristics of hers made her shine.

"Well, unless you had more questions," Monika clapped her hands together, "It's time to get to work!"

"Work?" I shot up, taken by surprise and snapping out of my thoughts.

"Of course!" She giggled, "You don't think we just sit in the clubroom and just eat cupcakes, do you?"

Sayori and Natsuki snorted, "I-I guess not." I said dejectedly, slumping back in my chair.

"I'm sure we all brought our books to discuss," Monika glanced at the book that was on my lap, "Oh Yuri, I assume you already gave your gift!" She asked proudly.

"Yes.." Yuri replied softly.

"It's for the sake of the club, not you!" Natsuki hissed at me from the sidelines. I squinted my eyes at her as a response.

"Okay, carry on everyone!" Monika clapped her hands together again.

I turned my body to face Yuri but before I could say anything, "Do you like to read?" She asked abruptly but her eyes still fixated on her feet.

"I've read my fair share of books." I replied politely, taken by surprise from her sudden words. I stole a glance at her bag that was left open between her feet, it was filled with different books. One of which that I recognised.

"A phoenix is not born from flames but from ashes. A symbol that hope still remains, even when all is but dust." I cleared my throat and recited a quote from the book while smiling slyly.

Yuri perked her head up and we finally made eye contact. I was stunned for a second, she had beautiful soft purple eyes that went well with her hair. "You read-?" She looked down on her bag and noticed the book's title in plain sight.

"The phoenix is immortal yet it can be killed-" She started.

"-And it will keep coming back, hope can be snuffed but can never die." I finished it for her and gave her a huge grin. "But I've never read this though," I held up the copy of the book she gifted me. "Mind telling me what it's about?"

"It's about a man who fell in love with an entity. Their love was invalid and by all means, taboo. He moved mountains just to be with her." She said confidently, a different part of her was shining. She flipped open her book and I could see that it was littered with highlighted passages, dog-ears and even little post-it notes with annotations. Her handwriting was cursive and elegant, she must have been the one that wrote the sign outside. "Here." She pointed at one such passage.

"I may be struck down for my beliefs, but It's mine." I recited, "People avoid him just because of this?" I flipped the pages on my own book to the same page as hers. "And he still keeps to his promise, that's romantic."

She blushed slightly and nodded. She scanned her pages further, Yuri looked fascinating in this form, it was like her timidness faded away when she has a book. I examined her features closely, her kind face and soft eyes made me feel relaxed. Her longs strands of hair curled at the end from all the times she idly twirled it.

An hour blew past just reading together and discussing some points. Most of the time I spent stealing glances every so often, watching the deep purple eyes scan the pages and her soft lips mouth small words as a habit.

"Okay everyone!" Monika clapped her hands together again, jolting both me and Yuri as a reaction. "It's time for homework!"

"Homework?" I sighed and slumped again on my chair, hearing Yuri giggle softly beside me.

"Of course, have you even joined a club before?" Natsuki shot at me again, sighing irritably. I sighed exasperatedly at her.

"I want you guys to write a poem tonight and share it tomorrow!" Monika said excitedly.

Yuri shifted uncomfortably, "We have to share them?"

"Of course!" Monika put her hands on her hip. "I'm confident you can do it! And it's a great opportunity for us to gauge our new member just how interested he is in literature." She added and smiled slyly at me.

I knew little to nothing about poems, I just knew how to rhyme. I stole a glance at the other members-- Sayori enthusiastically nodding, Natsuki silently listening with her arms crossed and Yuri silently taking notes. I let out a faint sigh, soft enough so Monika could not hear. The pink-haired headache was right-- being part of a club means responsibilities came with it.

_____________________

"You spent a lot of time with Yuri today!" Sayori remarked while we were walking home together. This was starting to be a routine, seeing as we now finish school at the same time. It would not hurt just for us to accompany each other home. I looked down to see her eagerly looking at me, "That's the first time she's open to someone!" She added, "Even to us she rarely opens up!"

"Really?" I pictured Yuri being silent in the clubroom, reading alone in a corner. Admittedly, it was not that difficult. "We only ever talked about the book though." I gripped her gift that I hung under my arm.

"You'd be surprised at how little she talks." Sayori grinned widely at me, "I'm glad to see her like this!" I played around with the thoughts that I failed to notice we were standing outside my home. Sayori stopped in her tracks and tiptoed to my ear "You might be special to her." She winked and merrily jogged ahead to the house just beside. I stood there stunned but I shook my head and walked through the gate, chalking it up to usual Sayori-brand nonsense. I had plenty of thoughts tonight.


	4. Manga for thoughts?

I stood up from my desk and stretched, giving my stressed out brain a breather. Glancing at the clock, I noticed the hours that passed since I got home. I rolled a mental dice in my head and decided to take a small trip to the shopping district, I packed up my messy table and pocketed the half finished poem that I wrote. After donning a hoodie, I set out into the night, determined to find some inspiration outside. The sun had already set hours ago, some shops were closed save for a select few. The familiar 24/7 mart glowed in the dark in contrast to the other shops, I remembered all the times Sayori made me go here just to satisfy her snack cravings.

The kind old man gave me a polite smile as I walked through the door. "Late night snacks?" He asked.

I nodded and smiled after making a small purchase of chocolates to survive the night. I peeked out the window and saw a familiar sight. A little pink haired girl was standing outside the bookstore across the road, her hands deep in her school blazer and with a distant look. I squinted my eyes in confusion, what was that headache doing out here at this time?

Should I even bother? I took a glance at my watch, 20:21. The club ended hours ago, curiosity was peaking me. I stood across the road weighing my choices, looks like she was not moving either, her expression still set in stone. I have to talk to her sooner or later, I sighed and buried my poem deeper into my hoodie.

"Hey." I greeted as nonchalantly as possible, remembering that I was talking to Natsuki and not Sayori.

"Wha-! Why are you here?!" She jolted and took a step back.

"I live around here, I could be asking you the same thing." I raised an eyebrow and gave her a curious look.

"It's nothing." She replied curtly and put on an annoyed expression.

I sighed, "Why aren't you home? At least change out your uniform-"

"What are you, my dad?" She shot back.

I fell silent, sensing the tension. I traced her eyes to the inside of the store, to a poster of a manga. I tapped my cheek in thought and looked at the girl standing beside me who was still fuming. "Wanna go in?" I asked her innocently.

She looked up to meet my eyes, "Don't you need to be somewhere?"

"Just humor me." I tried to give her a smile. She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, then opened the door to the shop.

There were aisles of various books, with different content on every shelf. Natsuki immediately dipped away out of my view and made her way to the Manga section. Looks like my hunch was correct, I thought to myself. I found her already nose deep in a book, reading intensely. It faintly reminded me of Yuri, I gave myself a small chuckle and stood next to her, peeking over her shoulder.

"Do you think manga is literature?" Natsuki suddenly posed a question, but her face still deep in her book.

"Sure," I shrugged and ran my hand through my hair, "You know, I read a lot of manga too."

"You do?" She suddenly shot up from her book, but suddenly composed herself again. "Good, at least we have something in common." Her voice trailed off at the end of her sentence. "Don't let Yuri know though. It's too simple for my vocabulary and my utterings that consists of synonyms and hard to pronounce words." She mimicked Yuri's quiet voice and put on a posh accent. 

I snickered and crossed my arms. "Why not get it?" I asked her, seeing her focused intensely on the book.

In response she closed the book and put it back onto the shelf and let off a heavy sigh.

"Natsuki?"

"I'm just here to browse, that's all." She said simply, and walked out the aisle. I studied the atmosphere of the bookstore, the man behind the register eyed Natsuki with a sour expression the entire time until she went out the door.

I pursed my lips and stared at her as she took a seat outside, I could make out the same distant look she made when I caught her. I took the book from the shelf and made my way to the counter, taking the chance to get to know her better.

_____________________________________

"Natsuki?" I walked up beside her and held out the book to her face.

She turned and her eyes lit up upon seeing the manga, her mouth forming a giant grin.

"I-idiot! You didn't have to-" She hastily tried to cover her happiness and failing to maintain her sour look.

I laughed and sat beside her, "Don't try to hide it, I'm taking it back if you are." I poked her while giving a friendly smile. She clicked her tongue and took the book from my hands, but her smile was still etched on her face. Almost instantly she started reading where she last left off, upon closer inspection I noticed that she was already in the middle of the book. How long has she been visiting this bookstore just to treat it like a library?

"Y'know, Yuri showed me this place." Natsuki suddenly stated.

"Eh?"

"This was also where she bought that book for you." She added while rolling her eyes, "It's so obvious. Do you know how quiet she was before you came along?" It was the same point that Sayori brought up. What did Yuri think of me?

"To be fair, Sayori talked about you nearly every time." She continued as if she read my mind, I felt a weight drop in the pit of my stomach. "And I admit that I did not believe her." Natsuki then looked at me in the eyes, "I guess I was wrong."

I smiled but suddenly she leaned in, "Don't get the wrong idea!"

"I'm not!" I laughed, putting my hands up in mock surrender.

"Yuri is smart, but not really smart in 'other' ways." She continued, it was almost adorable to see this tiny girl berate Yuri about maturity. "She tends to keep to herself because she's afraid of how she will come out to others." She put up a finger to her cheek and tapped it curiously, "What about you, what do you think of her?" She suddenly shot me a question.

I blinked twice, those words rang inside my head. What do I think of her? I looked at Natsuki who had her usual killer stare fixed on me.

She suddenly smiled, apparently sensing my thoughts once again. "Thanks for this." She gestured at her manga, "And if you mention this to the other girls, I'll kill you." She switched on her glare again. Then got up and waved goodbye as she walked away.

I sat on the bench alone, my thoughts drifting to the many possibilities. I watched her silhouette vanished around the corner before pulling out the crumpled piece of paper, I had all the inspiration I needed.


	5. Words on paper.

The morning was a rush, especially since I stayed outside longer than I expected to. Somehow, Sayori still managed to be later than I was. We both looked as disheveled as possible, serving a good reminder that we were best friends. 

"What are you smiling about?" Sayori poked at my side while flashing a sly smile. "We're so late, you know that right?"

"That's nothing new to you." I shrugged, Sayori gave me a light punch on my shoulder as a response. "And was I smiling?" I added a question and looked at her curiously.

Sayori looked at me and held her chin in mock curiosity, "Hmm, you can't be happy about school that's for sure-" her expression suddenly lit up, "-You're excited for today's club session aren't you?" She pointed at the book that I held under my arm, "Aw look at you, holding on to Yuri's gift. You're adorable."

I scowled, "Have you finished the homework Monika gave us?" 

"I have!" Sayori said hotly, putting a hand on her chest in mock offense. She then pulled out a paper that looked hastily folded and brandished it at my face. "And you're showing it to me first!" She added sternly, with her hands on her hips. 

I laughed at how defensive Sayori got about her discipline of schoolwork but she was telling the truth, deep down I really was looking forward to the club today. I put my hand into my blazer pocket and felt the poem that I neatly folded, I felt my lips curl into a small smile.

_______________________

As soon as the bell rang I slid open my classroom door, expecting to find Sayori there. Instead I found a sleepy mess barely able to prop herself up.

"Wake up." I flicked her nose, Sayori jolted and nearly fell to the side as a response.

"Ow! Wait- Y-You're the first one out?" She blurted, rubbing her tired eyes while peeking over my shoulders and eyeing my classmates exiting the room. "Oh my god you really are excited!" She put a hand up to her mouth and gave a sly smile. 

I groaned in annoyance and flicked her nose again.

"Stop- Meanie! I'm gonna tell Yuri on you." 

She continued her teasing while dancing around my heels as we made our way to the opposite wing of the school. I eyed her being the usual active self, I could clearly see how tired she was though. Her bedhead was more prominent than usual and her eyes were puffy, yet she smiled and played as if nothing was wrong. I was lost in my thoughts until I collided into her back.

"Do you hear that?" Sayori whispered, stopping in her tracks. She signaled a hand for me to stop as well. I stood still and tried to hear what piqued her ears. It was a soft piano jingle, the melody had an sorrowful, sad tune.

"Sounds like it's coming from the band room!" Sayori pointed, tugging on my sleeve.

"Well duh?" I shrugged, "Probably some band members practicing-"

"We're the only club members around at this time!" She hissed at me, her eyes sparkled as if we were uncovering an act of paranormal activity.

"Sayori, I think you're overreacting-"

"Go!" She started jumping at me, pushing me from the back. Half-shouting the word 'go' at every hop.

"Fine!" I whispered angrily, finally defeated. I inched closer to the door, the tune getting louder and louder with each step. I gulped and placed a hand on the sliding door but before I could do anything the music stopped.

"Oh no-" I muttered and the sliding door opened on itself, revealing Monika who was holding a bunch of papers with hasty scribbles and musical symbols. She looked down at us-- I was frozen halfway caught in trying to both hide and run while Sayori was attempting to hide herself behind me while holding her bag up to shield her face.

"Um, hey?" I put a weak hand up and smiled sheepishly. I studied her face, I expected a smile or a laugh but her eyes seemed to be distracted. She looked tired, I could make out faint circles under her eyes. Her emerald green eyes seemed to be distant, like she was looking right past me.

She suddenly clicked out of her thousand-yard stare and finally chuckled, "What are you guys doing?" 

"Was that you, Monika?" Sayori asked happily. She propped herself up by holding onto my shoulders, sinking me a few inches. "It was so good, I didn't know you played the piano!"

Monika laughed softly at the compliment, "It was nothing, I was just practicing." She shoved the papers into her bag messily, crumpling it further. It was unnecessarily forceful, like she resented those papers. She sighed afterwards and gave Sayori a faint smile.

"Monika..?" Sayori started, I held her wrist and beckoned her to look at me. I slowly shook my head and Sayori understood. "It was awesome, Moni." She held onto her arm and they walked ahead to the clubroom, sticking to Monika's side and continued to bring sunshine to the tension. I smiled after them, feeling a sense of gratitude for Sayori.

After a few doors down the hall, we arrived at our clubroom. The elegant, cursive title emblazoned at the door notifying us that we were in the right place. Upon entering, the two girls were already there.

"Good evening," Natsuki greeted us nonchalantly and threw us a white packet tied with a ribbon. I unwrapped it to find little pink cookies. "Sayori made me do it." She added, scowling at the coral-pink haired girl beside me.

I glanced over to Sayori whom already had a mouthful of cookies. I shot her a look and she shrugged while giving a smile of no regrets. "Thanks," I looked back to Natsuki and gestured the little packet, "Didn't think you'd make one for me." I poked fun at her.

"W-Well you're part of the club now!" She defended herself.

"Yeah, I know." I laughed and gave her a pat on the shoulder as I walked past her.

Behind the now fuming girl was Yuri, she was putting the tea out for us. It seemed that she does this every time Natsuki brings us food, I examined the teacups closely this time. The details were exotic, beautiful blue birds on delicate pure white china. They were clearly antique. I studied the person handling the tea next, she wore a small smile and hummed a small tune to herself. Her gentle eyes looking closely at the tea, careful not to spill the contents.

"Is this yours?" I gently asked her, watching her pour a stream into a cup. She delicately placed it atop a small plate and handed it to me.

"Yes, I brought it from home." She replied softly. "Just a little piece from my hobby." I took the cup from her hands and blew on it. Yuri was definitely different today, she seemed to be in a good mood. Her soft humming paired with her small smile was proof enough. 

She took another cup and started pouring again. Yuri was definitely taller than the other girls and she had to lean forward to accommodate her height to the table-- her purple hair drooped forward and covered her eyes. I placed my cup on the table and leaned in, gingerly shifting her hair behind her ear. Her purple eyes locked with mine, my hand was still brushing the side of her cheek. I noticed her face grew a little red.

I stepped back. "You have a passion for tea, huh?" I cleared my throat and tried to ease the tension.

Yuri leaned back and huffed, "Yes," she was trying to hide her glowing cheeks, "Personally, I think that reading a good book with a hot cup of tea is the best way to spend an evening." 

"Okay everyone, it's time for work!" Monika's usual clap snapped us back into reality. "We're going to continue our book sharing from yesterday," Her words had an air of authority yet still with her friendly vibe. "And it's straight to the poems!" She held up two fingers, signifying said activities. The remaining girls started shifting about, seeing to their given instructions. With that, I turned back around to see Yuri fiddling with her hair again. I squinted my eyes at her, she was good at acting. The other girls were clueless of her behavior minutes ago.

"Uhm," Yuri pipped up and held my wrist all of a sudden, snapping me back to reality. "Is it okay? if we sit on the floor?"

"The floor?"

"Mmhm," She said while giving me a sheepish smile. "My back hurts.." Her voice trailed off at the end of her sentence.

"Ah.." I acknowledged and chalked it up to her height and bad reading posture. I beckoned her to follow to the corner of the room where I picked a wall to lean on, just by the window. We sat nearly shoulder to shoulder against the wall, the setting sun shone perfectly on her.

Her purple hair shone magnificently in contrast to the sun and her lips carried on the habit of mouthing small words that she read in her book.

I looked around the room, watching Natsuki and Sayori joke around while still exchanging thoughts about their own books. Sayori caught my glimpse, she winked and waved while wearing a huge grin. 

I returned the gesture and glanced over at Monika instead, the mood clearly dropped around her. She was writing something on a piece of paper, her expression was contorted with focus, bitterness and anger. Without anyone paying her any attention, she dropped her facade. 

Lost in my thought I absentmindedly munched on Natsuki's cookies. I looked back at Yuri who was still focused hard on the book. I shoved my hand into the packet and took out a small pink cookie. Without thinking, I placed it near Yuri's mouth. Surprisingly she opened it, as though it was normal for her.

She ate the cookie off my fingers and munched on it quietly, not even moments later her eyes darted to mine.

"Oh-!" Yuri slowly put a hand up to her mouth, as if she just realized the gravity of the situation. I gave her a hearty chuckle and popped another cookie into my mouth. She took a few seconds to register then returned my smile and resumed her book. I tested the waters and put another cookie near her mouth, she accepted it-- though sheepishly. I felt my heart flutter with her small gesture.

_____________________

Monika was already calling us back for the last activity. We joined the rest of the girls who were already sitting in their circle, I took a seat beside Sayori who already had her poem in her hand, clearly excited to share. If Monika took anymore time to give us the greenlight, she just might explode.

"This isn't class!" Monika laughed, sensing the tension. "Just share it among each other!" She encouraged as she sat facing us with her legs crossed. There was that stare again, like she was making eye contact but was staring right through me. Her smile slowly starting to grow empty.

"Heeeey!" I felt a tug on my shirt, Sayori held out her poem. "Me first!"

I smiled and exchanged hers with mine.

_Dear Sunshine_

_The way you glow through my blinds in the morning_  
_It makes me feel like you missed me._  
_Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed._  
_Making me rub the sleepy from my eyes._

_Are you asking me to come out and play?_  
_Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?_  
_I look above. The sky is blue._  
_It's a secret, but I trust you too._

_If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.  
But I'm not mad._

_I want breakfast._

I sighed and asked, "Did you finish it this morning?"

"Ye- No!" She denied, looking shocked. "How could you assume me to be that lazy?" She crossed her hands and huffed.

"I'm not saying it's bad, it's just like you!" I encouraged her. "And the last part was a giveaway." I added, pulling her cheek.

"Tsk, meanie!" She brushed my hand away. "I really wanted breakfast.." She murmured. "And about your poem-" Her expression suddenly serious. She leaned into my ear, "-It's for Yuri isn't it?"

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"It's just like her though!" She leaned in again, "Show it to her!" I glanced over to Yuri who was sharing her poem to Natsuki, she was smiling politely to her. Natsuki on the other hand was giving her pointers while also literally pointing out the things in her poem. I could hear Natsuki's voice squeak even from a distance, her little angry tone was not enough to faze Yuri however.

After waiting patiently, I tapped Yuri's shoulder.

"Oh!" She looked surprised but her lips formed a wide smile, she gave her paper in return for mine.

_Ghost under the light_

_The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow._  
_Bathing._  
_It must be this one._  
_The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time._  
_the last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future._  
_I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past._  
_The light flickers._  
_I flicker back._

The poem felt cryptic, like it took effort to understand the meaning the words. I scanned her poem, rereading them while not noticing that I was chewing on my pen.

"That's not a good habit.." Yuri mentioned, taking the pen away from my mouth. "Your poem has a nice touch." She added.

_A River's Light_

_Rivers of light_  
_Shimmer in the dark._  
_I stick my hand out_  
_Plunging in the night._

_I take a breath_  
_I'm drowning._  
_I close my eyes_  
_I'm sinking._

_Reaching the bottom,_  
_I lay._  
_Tonight, with no light,_

Yuri recited my poem out loud. She blinked twice and made eye contact with me, "I love it." She smiled. I felt my heart flutter, the same familiar butterfly feeling in my stomach. She handed back my poem and beamed.

"If you don't mind," I said sheepishly, "I wanted to keep this." I gestured at her paper.

She raised her eyebrows and started playing again with her hair. "..Okay then." Yuri allowed, her soft voice was even fainter but I was happy enough with her acknowledgement. I pocketed her poem and ticked a mental box in my head. Natsuki is next.

I walked up to her, it was obvious that she was waiting for me. "Here's mine!" She said proudly, brandishing her paper at my face before I could even say a greeting.

_Eagles Can Fly_

_Monkeys can climb_  
_Crickets can leap_  
_Horses can race_  
_Owls can seek_  
_Cheetahs can run_  
_Eagles can fly_  
_People can try_  
_But that's about it._

Natsuki's was a stark contrast to Yuri's. It was simple yet had an impact, my lips curled into a smile noticing how short and cute it was.

"It's not supposed to be funny!" Natsuki shot at me, clearly annoyed. "It's about giving up, how is that funny?"

"I know, but it's good!" I continued my smile, "It's simple, just like mine."

"Yours?" She scoffed. "Yours is just like Yuri's. It's all mysteries and just a bunch of visualization!" She crossed her arms and added, "A literal poem is better in my opinion.."

"In your opinion." I repeated her last words. I laughed again, it was a little adorable to see Natsuki all flustered. But I made a mental note not to mention that to her-- if I wanted to keep ears functioning. Finallly, was Monika.

I walked up to our club president who had just finished with Sayori. The former had a smile on her face but Sayori was walking away with a forlorn expression, she shot me me a curt smile and nodded.

"Hey, Monika!" I greeted her and handed her my poem. She took it with both her hands and handed over hers.

_Hole in the Wall_

_It couldn't have been me._  
_See, the direction the spackle protrudes._  
_A noisy neighbor? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home._  
_I peer inside for a clue._  
_No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun._  
_But it's too late. My retinas._  
_Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image._  
_It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright._  
_It was too deep._  
_Stretching forever into everything._  
_A hole of infinite choices._  
_I realize now, that I wasn't looking in._  
_I was looking out.  
_And he, on the other side, was looking in.__

I furrowed my eyebrows and reread the whole thing. I analyzed the whole thing like how I sifted through Yuri's poem. There was something about the poem that felt off, I took the chance.

"I like it!" I started and tried to bring it to a more serious tone, "I don't really understand though.."

"Oh!" She gave a sheepish smile, "Well it's a poem.."

"I want to understand it." I pressed on, trying to hint at what I wanted.

She gave an empty smile to me, "It's.." She stopped and pursed her lips. I could feel the uncertainty that ran in her mind, her expression dropped low. "It's just a poem." She smiled politely and handed back my poem. "Yours is nice, I'm glad you're taking the literature club seriously!" She put her hands on her hip.

I looked into her eyes and they felt sincere this time. She must have caught on that her facade was not strong enough. Her green eyes washed over me, flashing the familiar smile again. I sighed and leaned back, returning her smile and nodded. I swore to myself that one day I will get her to spill everything.


	6. Sly Sayori!

"What are you gonna do over the weekends?" Sayori posed a question, her head cutely tilted while sipping on her milkshake.

"I don't know, just relax?" I stirred my drink idly with my head resting on my hand. We decided to take a visit at the new cafe that opened nearby the school, the atmosphere was nice, the sun had already set outside and the music had a jazz vibe. Club ended not too long ago and Sayori was basically begging me for this short detour, we were still in our school uniform and we stuck out from the rest of the crowd. She leaned against the booth holding her tall glass filled to the brim with whipped cream towering at the top, her plate of cookies accompanying her drink. I watched her took a sip and stained her upper lip, giving herself a milk mustache. Laughing, I wiped away her face. This was a good break, I thought to myself. Monika tasked us with the same homework again but this time we had the two days to finish one poem so there was really no rush. I pursed my lips, suddenly realizing that Sayori was going to be the only club member I will be seeing over the weekend.

She stopped munching, noticing the change in my mood. A sly smile formed on her face, "Oh, don't worry. You'll get to see Yuri again soon!" She poked fun at me and winked.

I scowled at her and snatched the rest of her cookies away.

"Hey! Give that back!" She reached over the table, her face wearing a huge pout. I laughed at her adorable attempt to wrestle back her snack. It has been a long week since I actually relaxed, Sayori did a good job reminding me that.

"So you spent a lot of time with her today!" She said brightly after getting back her cookies.

"It was during club hours," I sighed exasperatedly, understanding that there was no chance in avoiding this topic with Sayori. "It'll be a problem if I didn't." I added matter-of-factly

"Oh don't act like that, I even saw you took her poem." She giggled.

I felt my cheeks grew hot, and rolled my eyes at Sayori. She just doubled back with laughter, clearly having fun poking me.

I traced the rim of my glass, hearing her talk about the poems sent sad thoughts into my mind. "Hey Sayori?"

"Yes?"

"About Monika today, do you feel like something's off?"

She put her drink down again and hung her head, "The thing that happened before the club? I tried talking to her about it. She just avoided it though.." Sayori said sadly, she always loved helping others. Not a surprise that she was disappointed that Monika pushed her away.

"Yeah, she did the same to me as well." I sighed, drumming my fingers on the table. "Did you read her poem?"

Sayori nodded sadly, her hands holding onto her milkshake,

"Something about it felt off, maybe it was just me.. I'm just worried, yknow?" I said with a distant look.

She nodded again and sighed. I followed suit and ran my hand through my hair, watching her whip out her phone and started typing, I felt a little guilty for dampening the mood.

Suddenly she craned her neck and tried to peek over my shoulder, she sat back down and said with an evil smile, "I think I have something to brighten us up."

Her sudden change in mood made me furrow my eyebrows,

"You said you were alone.."

I jolted and spun around in my seat, Yuri was standing behind me cradling her bag with a nervous smile.

"He just got here!" Sayori laughed and patted the empty space beside her, encouraging Yuri to sit with us. "I still need the company." She added with a smile, and a more sinister smile pointed at me. I mouthed an unsavory word in return.

"Oh! I'm sorry if it sounded rude!" Yuri suddenly apologized to me, as if she just realized what she said. "Sayori just messaged me saying that she was alone and wanted me to accompany-"

"It's fine!" I shook it away, giving her a friendly smile. "Sit with us!" Beckoning her to join as well. She placed her bag down and sat opposite me, her cheeks were glowing slightly red. I stole a glance at Sayori to see her content smile and evil eyes. I shot her a death stare; Natsuki style. Yuri on the other hand only smiled and nodded during our conversations and she repeatedly denied when we asked if she wanted anything to eat. Soon enough we ordered our food and Sayori just took the liberty to order an extra set of pancakes for her.

Even in a public area, Yuri's elegance did not hinder. She held the utensils gingerly and munched softly, in contrast to Sayori's fast and loud chewing. I kept catching stares and glances from Yuri, the fact that I caught them meant I was probably doing the same.

"Yuri, what's your plan for the weekend?" Sayori posed the same question to her, her mouth still slightly full.

"Hmm.." She put a finger to her cheek in thought, "I have to finish the work Monika gave us of course." Then she sighed, "My schoolwork is also piling up, there's so much to do and it's only the first week of school.."

"Ah, I know who you can ask for help!" Sayori started excitedly, jabbing a finger at me. "He always helps me in nearly everything, schoolwork, housework, he even helped me cooked before.." She continued while holding up several fingers.

"That's because you're a year below me, your house is always in a mess and you nearly burned the place down the last time you tried to cook on your own." I sighed while rolling my eyes.

"Meanie! I'm not that hopeless!"

"You guys are really close, huh?" Yuri laughed and smiled politely.

"Since we were kids!" Sayori answered brightly, she perked up and hugged me over the table.

Yuri shifted slightly in her seat, Sayori completely oblivious to her actions.

"You know, I don't mind coming over." I said without thinking, only trying to defuse the situation. Yuri widened her eyes in surprise, Sayori formed a literal 'O' with her mouth. I kicked myself for that comment, I felt my cheeks heat up and glanced at Yuri to see her smiling to herself.

"Oooh, it's decided then!" Sayori said brightly, "You'll go over to Yuri's!" She excitedly took a bite from her pancake.

"Oh, but you can come too-!" Yuri started, smiling sheepishly ear to ear.

Sayori quickly shook her head, brushing her away. Looks like everything was falling nicely in place for her, excited for me to increase my intimacy with Yuri. "I have my own plans this weekend!" She winked at her and laughed.

I blinked at Yuri, I absentmindedly asked her out on a date. She was smiling to herself, still munching her pancakes quietly. Sayori was still giggling from my sudden words, she was proud of herself for pushing me to say those words. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, I guess my weekends are not so free anymore.

______________________________

"I still can't believe you said that!" Sayori giggled, we were walking by the familiar street that led us home. After spending some time and finishing our meal, us and Yuri went our separate ways. The cold night sent chills and Sayori was sticking close to me. Since we were still in our school uniforms, her skirt was not doing her any favours.

"I guess it was sooner or later." I sighed, smiling to myself.

Sayori nodded and clung closer to my arm. I stole a glance at her and studied her expression, her smile was radiant as always.

"Sayori?" I started and placed my arm around her, giving her a one arm squeeze. "Thanks for having my back."

She looked up to meet my face and blinked a few times. We paused and she gave me a light punch on the shoulder, "We're best friends, aren't we?" Her bright smile was contagious, I ruffled her messy hair. Where would I be without her?


	7. Lily by the river.

The weekend was here, and so began the rush and the panic. I was pacing up and down my room, putting on different fragrances, practicing smiles and greetings with the mirror. Suddenly, the door shook on its hinges with rapid fire knocks, "Hey, you better be ready!" An excited voice yelled out from the other side.

I yanked open the door and was met by an ecstatic Sayori still clad in her pink pajamas. Once again, she let herself into my house. We had a mutual agreement to exchange copies of our house keys-- which she constantly abuses.

She smiled widely upon seeing my face but her expression fell almost immediately, "Tsk, you're going out in that?" She clicked her tongue disapprovingly with her hands on her hips while shaking her head slightly.

I rolled my eyes and flicked her forehead, "You're one to talk, miss pink pajamas."

"Argh- Bully!" She shielded her head and pouted, "Hey look- this is your important day! Let me choose your outfit, please?" I looked down at her, a little pink gremlin who looked absolutely disheveled that broke into my house without even a shower-- is asking whether she can fix my attire. I glanced at my phone, it was still a little early.

"Fine," I sighed. "You better know what you're doing!"

"Trust me!" She winked.

After my approval, Sayori barged into my room and forced me to sit on my bed as she pulled the contents of my closet onto the floor, throwing me several tops and gestured me to try them on.

"Are you excited?" She asked, with her head deep in my wardrobe.

"More nervous than excited actually." I replied, picking up the strewn clothes on the floor.

"I'm sure Yuri is more nervous about it than you are." She said with a laugh. Sayori had a point however, I pictured Yuri doing the exact same thing as me; pacing the room nervously, wondering what to wear or whether her room was tidy, maybe even setting some tea right now.

Sayori nearly emptied my closet picking out my clothes, ordering me to wear different tops and bottoms until finally completely replacing my attire. She circled me as I stood in the center of the mess, her fingers on her chin nodding slowly and mumbling to herself.

"Jeez calm down, I'm not your model." I sighed while giving her a smile, "Or am I?" I looked at myself in the mirror, she did improve my look tenfold; a turtleneck and a parka with dark jeans, contrasting my boring grey hoodie that I always have on.

"Ew, stop checking yourself out. Honestly, all these clothes we bought together and you still stick with the same hoodie." Sayori stuck her tongue out. "Hmm, actually let's lose the glasses." She stood on her tiptoes and pulled them off, her blue eyes inches from mine. Suddenly it felt like time stopped-- her expression became blank for a second, her gaze fixated on my eyes while her fingers was still holding onto the frame. I felt her breath tickled my nose and suddenly her lips curled into a smile again, she hooked my glasses on my pocket. "Now you look ready for a date!"

I pursed my lips, but simply decided to play along. "I can't see anything now.." I chuckled.

Sayori started shoveling my clothes back into my closet, "You're welcome, now go!" Shoving me out of the room, "Don't worry, I'll keep everything in their own place!"

I raised an eyebrow on the way out, looking at my trashed clothes spilling out the closet.

She laughed again and gave me a final shove out the door, "Go!"

I made my way downstairs and noticed that she already prepared breakfast for me; Toast with sunny side eggs and some hot coffee.

I smiled to myself and mentally thanked her. Where would I be without Sayori?

________________________

The bitter wind blew cold around the area, giving me an excuse to tremble. Her front gate being open was a sign that she was expecting me. As I paced outside her door, my heart was racing and I was desperately trying to steady my nerves-- chewing the gum that Sayori sneaked into my pocket and drumming my fingers on my side.

Surely enough, the door opened slowly and I recognized the deep purple hair peeking out the side. I waved sheepishly while wearing a huge smile.

She widened the door, smiling politely while her soft eyes sent my heart fluttering. Now that she was in full frame, I noticed the effort she put into her appearance; natural colored eye-shadow and lip-gloss, a striped sweater and black leggings-- Her simple and beautiful look.

"You look nice.." Yuri mentioned, seeing me stand at her doorstep frozen on the spot with a dumb smile on my face. I laughed sheepishly and grinned, all while screaming internally.

Her home was unsurprisingly neat, especially for living all on her own. She turned and I followed her up the stairs that lead to her room and when she opened the door, I was blasted by the same familiar scent she always accompanied her. Everything about the atmosphere left me heavily intimidated, 'I'm sure Yuri is more nervous about it than you are.' I remembered Sayori's words. I took a deep breath and steadied myself, I got this.

I eyed her study table, she had several books open with her stationery messily placed around. But the detail that got my attention was the towering pile of thick novels atop of one another, each with their own 'Yuri' signature, filled with dog-ears, bookmarks and annotations.

She sat on the floor, and held out a cup of tea for me while smiling sweetly. All my suspicions were right about her, the piping hot tea set was beside us propped on a small table. I sat across her and accepted the tea, taking a sip. I flipped through her work, looking through her worksheets and notes. "Wow Yuri, are you sure you needed help?" I joked, all of her work were top-notch. The notes were highly detailed and clear, her worksheets had near flawless marks with praises written as footnotes by her teachers.

She nodded and smiled sheepishly, "I just get too caught up, I have problems doing my assignments on time..."

"I assume that I'm just here to accompany you then." I poked her, trying to regain my confidence.

Her cheeks blushed, and as usual she fiddled with her hair. "Well- If you're okay with that.." She said softly. I smiled and reached over to brush her hair away from her hands.

She evidently got more flustered as she fumbled her books and notes. I laughed and reassured her, "I'll be right here then."

I watched her go through her work, she sat diligently, her gentle eyes fixed with focus. I took a long sip of tea, taking in the atmosphere when I noticed something familiar.

"Yuri, is that my pen?" I pointed at her hands.

"Oh-! I forgot to give it back.." She said softly but suddenly shot upright, "Well you took my poem, it's only fair if I took something too!" Her attempt at being firm was laughable, she sank again and blushed harder.

I smiled at her and took a page from her notebook. "Well, in that case it's my turn." I said brightly and took a pen from the table.

She looked up and met my eyes, "What are you writing?"

"Just a poem." I replied, I eyed her soft deep purple eyes to her long lavender hair. I put the pen to the paper,

_Washed away, the lily flows gently along the rain._  
_It dances gracefully, the aura it gives heavensent._  
_A pleasant portrait, the lily gives me._  
_Illuminating the river with her grace and beauty._  
_I held it close,_  
_It was intoxicating._  
_Blissfully captivating._  
_And I hope the rain brings me the lily again._

I finally finished and folded the paper.

"Could I see it?" Yuri asked softly, peeking across her table.

"You have to wait till next week." I answered smugly.

She pouted faintly, "That's not fair.."

I got up and stretched, "It's perfectly fair," I pointed to her study table with the many novels, "Mind if peek at what you're reading?"

She perked up and nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, tell me if something interests you!"

I picked up the first book from the pile, but before I could read anything I felt something heavy slip out from between the pages.

"Wha-!" The object fell with a thud in between my feet and I jumped back instinctively.

It was a small flip knife, barely longer than a pen. The blade was tinted purple and it was small enough to fit in between the pages of the thick novel to not even make a dent.

Before I could say anything Yuri snatched away the knife, blushing furiously.

"What was that?" I asked her with a bewildered expression.

"I- I forgot I left it there.." Yuri stuttered, avoiding my gaze and hiding the small knife in her fists. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have seen that." She sat away from me on the edge of her bed, clutching her knife to her chest.

"I know you think I'm weird now.." She said bitterly, her lips curled in a grimace and her eyes fixed on the floor. 

Her back was turned to me and I felt guilt gripped my heart. I walked over and crouched in front of her. I held her curled hands and smiled, "I don't mind." I put a hand on her cheek, "I'd love to know more about you."

She had a shocked expression and I tried to take the knife from her hands. "I.. collect knives." She said bluntly, fiddling with her hair when I took the blade away. "It's not normal I know! I just like them, I think they're beautiful. Even poetic. But I shouldn't let people know.." Her voice trailed off.

I got up and sat beside her, "This is your favourite?" Holding up the blade to my eyes, the purple tint winked at me. Curiously enough, the blade reminded me of her.

"One of my favourites.." She corrected shyly. She watched me twirl the knife and feel its sharpness. "Um, how about a trade?"

I looked at her curiously.

"I get to keep your poem and you get to keep my knife." Yuri said softly and curtly. Her eyes closed as she blurted those words.

I tucked the blade into the handle, and pulled out the folded paper. "Deal." I smiled and handed her my work.

She perked up and took the paper from my hands, not wasting any time and immediately went to read it. We both sat on the bed silently, but with wide smiles.

"Oh-!" She put her hand up to her mouth, the corner of her lips still visible. Her cheeks were flushed red, and I could feel mine heating up. "I love it.." She gripped my wrist. Her smile was sending butterflies right into the pit of my stomach.

"What about the rest of your collection?" I asked her, trying to play off the alarms blaring in my head.

She shifted uncomfortably, gripping the hems of her long sleeves. "I can't show it to you, not yet."

"Well that's not fair."

"It's perfectly fair." Yuri toyed back with me, my smile widened to my ears. The timid lily flower was slowly blooming, and I will be there when she glows.


	8. Natsuki's deal.

"You did what?" Sayori choked on her cocoa, she was curled up in my blanket and was sitting cross-legged beside me. I was back in my room and was barely indoors for 10 seconds before Sayori sprang at me from the door. She hastily dragged me on to my bed and begged for a detail-by-detail recount of today.

"I wrote her a poem." I confirmed casually, leaning against her lap with my hands behind my head. "She wanted to see what I wrote, I mean she was going to find out either way next week." I added matter-a-factly.

"That is so sweet!" Sayori gushed, "But also terribly sappy." She laughed, I shot upright and pulled on her cheeks.

"Stop- Stop! You'll spill the cocoa!" Sayori yelled while choking back her fits of laughter.

"My Cocoa! You've spent the entire day in my home, the least you could do is make me some cocoa too!"

_"Excuse me?_ I made you breakfast and made you look like a million times better!" She huffed, "Least I can do!" She mocked and stuck her tongue out.

After settling down and finally getting my own cup of cocoa, Sayori sighed, "Well It's Yuri we're talking about, I bet she loved it." She gave my shoulder a friendly punch.

I smiled, once again Sayori held a strong point. There were a few things I decided not to mention to her, Yuri's knife collection was one of them-- her prized purple blade was still in my pocket.

"Weren't you messaging her the entire time we were out together?" I asked hotly.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that." She replied simply, taking a sip from her cup.

"Clearly you were." I said, rolling my eyes. "Okay, fine. But could I ask a few questions?"

"Go ahead!"

"How was Yuri, before I joined?" I sighed, leaning against Sayori again. Yuri's actions today brought out so many questions about her, I was carefully treading not to reveal anything. "Other than the usual _oh she's quiet and rarely talks._ " I gestured air quotes.

"Well.. For starters is that she's really sweet! When she first came to the club she wrote each of us a letter. I still have it!" Sayori recounted brightly, "But then again she is really clueless sometimes, she brought a bottle of wine to the club once, Natsuki and I were 16 last year! Monika of course was not having it. Though I actually wanted to try some.."

She then sighed sadly, "Come to think if it that only made her even more reclusive. She was only trying to be nice.." Sayori suddenly perked up, "Oh I know someone that you can ask; Natsuki!"

I raised an eyebrow and thought about it, Natsuki did hint that she knew most about Yuri. She even mentioned that they went to the bookstore together.

"How about we go out with her tomorrow?" Sayori asked, her eyes glistening with excitement.

"Woah, what- it's a sunday though-" I stammered.

"Yes, club outing!" She punched the air, "Although I wish we could invite Monika but I think it's best our president doesn't know about this.."

"Sayori, _you're the vice president._ " I jeered at her.

"Just a title!" She brushed away my words. "Okay I'll tell her about tomorrow, you better be ready this time!" She hopped off the bed and made for the door.

And just like that, three quarters of the club knew about me and Yuri. I sighed and collapsed on the bed, craning my ears waiting for the audible click of the main door to close. I dug into my pockets and pulled out the blade, the purple tint practically glowed from the minimal light in the room. I pressed the tip and winced, the blade dug a bit too deep in my thumb and blood trickled from the wound. I felt a sense of concern form in the pit of my stomach, the answer was clear. There was something that was gnawing at the back of my mind when it comes to her. Her knife collection, her preference for long sleeves, it was too much of a coincidence. I clicked the blade back inside the grip and took a deep breath, what is love when one does not care?

____________________

The next morning started and without missing a beat I was dragged outside by Sayori. I donned my favourite grey hoodie and the same pants from yesterday while Sayori bundled up with a scarf along with her peach coloured jacket and simple pair of jeans.

"Hey, remind me again why did we skip breakfast?" I said grumpily as we walked down the road away from our houses.

"Because we're already eating with Natsuki," She said brightly. I rolled my eyes, even the lack of food was not enough to dampen her mood.

"She actually agreed to this?" I asked curiously.

"Well she didn't say no!"

I clapped my hands to my face and grumbled under my breath. "This is Natsuki we're talking about."

There were not many things to argue about, we were already outside and on the way to her. I glanced at Sayori, her bubbly self was amplified tenfold since we were going to meet another club member. "You know where she lives?"

"I don't, but I told her to meet at Sleepy Cubs." Sayori mentioned the cafe that we went to the other day.

We took a familiar turn towards the school, the tall building eclipsing the morning sun. It was eerie seeing the big building be almost vacant, its classrooms dark and empty, the yard devoid of human life and the only sound that can be heard was the whistling wind and the rustling trees.

"You know, I wouldn't mind if we invited Monika." I mentioned to Sayori under my breath.

"I would have! But I thought you wouldn't want the others to know.." She said with a surprised face.

"Sayori.. What others?" I frowned at her, the whole reason we were here to meet the only other club member other than Yuri was because of Sayori.

She giggled sheepishly, "Well it's hard to get a hold of Monika anyways. She doesn't have a phone, and she's always busy whenever we ask her out."

I glanced at the darkened window of the school, behind the glass was the clubroom. I smiled to myself and walked off with Sayori to the other direction.

The road was empty at this time of the day, especially on a sunday. The cafe was tucked away in the corner of the road, upon approaching the turn we saw a telltale sign of our expected company. Her bright pink hair was striking even when hidden under a beanie, but what really caught my eye was her knee length coat. It was cute paired up with her white pants and boots. She looked overdressed when compared to me and Sayori.

"Natsuki!" Sayori called out her name and ran, turning a few heads our direction. Natsuki shot to the source of the yell, grimaced and made a cross with her arms but was too late before being hugged full force by Sayori.

"Your beanie is so cute!" Sayori jumped all over her, I walked to the pair and gave Natsuki an apologetic smile.

"Sayori, please you're choking me-" Natsuki squeaked under her hugs. Sayori hopped back and beamed at her, I looked at the little girl standing in front of me as she steadied her beanie and met my gaze. My smile faltered a little after noticing her puffy eyes and red nose.

"Nat, are you alright?" I asked her, Sayori turned at me and squinted at Natsuki as well.

"W-What? It was just really cold alright!" She huffed, "Let's just go in." She turned on her heels and walked in.

I glanced at Sayori, sure enough her change in expression was a large contrast a few seconds ago. I shared her concern and nodded curtly. We both entered the cafe together to find Natsuki already settled on a seat.

"Let's grab the food first!" Sayori announced and plopped beside her with a huge smile. "What are you having?"

"The usual pancakes." I replied shortly, "What about you, Nat?"

"I-I already ate." She murmured without making eye contact. I pursed my lips and furrowed my eyebrows at her, Sayori was walking off to the counter when I held her wrist.

"Get Natsuki the same thing." I whispered and slid her some extra cash. She nodded firmly and stole a glance at her-- Sayori's stares meant that she noticed the same things I did; sunken cheeks and her tired expression was all too obvious.

"Sorry for Sayori asking you out on a Sunday." I tried making conversation with Natsuki after Sayori took her leave.

"Ugh I didn't want to stay home either." She brushed me away, "So is what she said true? You wanted to talk about Yuri?" Natsuki straightened up and her expression was as serious as ever.

I gulped nervously, why am I intimidated by this bite-sized girl?

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "I met her yesterday and a few things happened." I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that Sayori was not around. I dug into my pockets and pulled out the purple blade. Natsuki's eyes widened upon seeing it and she bit her lip nervously. My hunch was right, she would know about Yuri's knife collection. I juggled the burning questions in my mind, choosing which to ask first.

"How did you get it?" Natsuki made the obvious first move.

"She gave it to me, we made a trade." I answered, flipping the blade and putting it away. "I'm worried about her and I think it's obvious where I'm getting at here."

Natsuki opened her mouth to answer but was stopped by a tray full of food, followed by a joyous Sayori grinning ear to ear. "Here you go, Nat!" She said happily and placed a plate of pancakes in front of her.

"I-I told you I already ate!" Natsuki started angrily.

"Oh? Then I guess I'll take those away then-"

"Don't-!" Natsuki slapped my hand away, "Don't waste them.." She murmured.

I smiled and handed her the utensils which she snatched. I looked at Sayori who gave me a content smile, satisfied that she succeeded on feeding her. The little pink girl wolfed down her food, taking quick bites that even rivaled Sayori's.

"Nat, why did you lie that you already ate? It's pretty obvious." Sayori tried to bring the conversation to a more serious tone. Natsuki jolted and looked away, feeling embarrassed. she folded her arms and leaned in. "Let me see your wallet." I frowned my eyebrows and shot Sayori a look.

Surprisingly, Natsuki obliged and reached into her bag, pulling out her wallet and handed it over to her while still avoiding eye contact. I glanced at Sayori, I have never seen her this way, most of the time it was me giving her the lecture.

"It's empty. Nat, you could've just asked us." Sayori smiled sadly at her. "Yuri's not the only one that can share food with you."

Natsuki blushed hard from hearing those words. "W-We don't always share food!"

"Do your parents not give you money?" I asked her.

Natsuki shot at me and grimaced, "My dad doesn't know I'm out right now."

I leaned in and probed further, "Your dad doesn't-?"

"Shut up! Are we here to talk about me or Yuri?" She snapped angrily at me.

Sayori placed her hand over hers, "We're just worried, Natsuki. Yuri is not the only one we care about."

Natsuki folded her arms, she grit her teeth and wiped her eyes angrily, "Okay, how's this; I tell you whatever you want but in exchange you don't talk about my dad."

"That's a horrible deal." Sayori frowned at her.

"I want you to worry about Yuri right now." Natsuki said, then she held out her hand at me. "Give me the knife."

"What knife-?" Sayori's eyes widened.

I frowned at Natsuki; using Yuri as a scapegoat to avoid the topic. I sighed and dug into my pockets, I allowed it to be her way for now.

I took out the knife and flipped the blade out, holding it aloft in front of Sayori's eyes and dropped it on the table.

"She gave you this?" Sayori asked me.

"Yeah, I traded her with my poem."

"And you didn't show it to me?!" She asked hotly. She picked up the knife and her expression changed to fear.

"It was meant to be a secret." I said icily, looking at Natsuki from the corner of my eye.

"Oh, get over yourself." She crossed her arms. "She told me first-"

"Guys!" Sayori shouted over us. "Are you guys kidding me? You're fighting over who Yuri told first?"

I glared at Natsuki who returned the favour.

Sayori sighed sadly, "We have to help her, talk to her or something-" Natsuki did something right, she managed to pull herself from Sayori's spotlight.

"No." I shook my head, "She'll get even more upset that everyone knows." I remembered her reaction when I found the knife in between her books, the way she looked disappointed and panicky that I found her little secret.

"He's right." Natsuki sighed and agreed.

_"So we're just going to let her do this to herself?!"_ Sayori raised her voice, staring at disbelief at the both of us.

"You think I didn't try and talk her out of this? I've been trying for an entire year!" Natsuki snapped at her. Our volume turned a few heads to our table. Natsuki cleared her throat then looked at me in the eye. "You stand a better chance than any of us."

I pursed my lips and looked at Sayori, who was looking at me with hopeful eyes. I nodded, "That's the plan, I want to be there for her."

I expected Natsuki to gag at the cheesiness but she just smiled and returned my nod. "We'll leave you to it." She turned to Sayori, "Don't talk to her at all about it, act normally. Okay?"

Sayori looked at her sadly and nodded slowly.

Without noticing it, we agreed to Natsuki's deal. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed heavily. At the corner of my eye, Sayori took the knife from the table and stared at it sadly. She gripped it tightly and shoved it in my hands. "Take care of her okay?" I looked closely in her eyes, tears pooling in her baby blues.


	9. Act natural.

“Good morning, Sleepyhead.” I yawned and pulled the blanket off Sayori. 

“Wha- What are you doing here-” She slurred, wiping her bleary eyes. Her pink pajamas was in a wrinkly mess and she nonchalantly reached over for her bow, clipping it loosely on her usual bed hair. “Wait, are you already in uniform? Oh no, am I late-?”

I pulled the blinds and Sayori immediately recoiled. “Yup, go get showered. Leave breakfast to me!” I gave her a cheery smile and closed the door behind me. I glanced at the clock and not even a second later from leaving her room-

 _Oh my god, it’s barely 6! Let me sleep!”_ I heard her yell from behind the closed door.

I chuckled to myself, feeling satisfied. The thought of repaying her kindness during the weekends with the added bonus of waking her early for school was a good way to start the week. 

_____________

We walked down the familiar road towards school. Sayori grumbled under her breath, “We totally did not need to go to school this early.”

“Sayori, this is usually the time everyone goes to school.” I rolled my eyes. “And we actually do have a reason to come this early.” I pulled out my phone and flashed the screen inches from her face.

A message from last night read:  
_N: Yuri usually comes to school super early, I’ll leave the rest up to you._

Sayori’s eyes widened, suddenly looking refreshed. “Perfect! We can catch up and everything-”

“Woah, slow down.” I ruffled her hair, “Remember what Natsuki said? Be natural.” Sayori paused and pouted, then nodded enthusiastically.

We turned the corner and walked through the school gates. I glanced at Sayori’s face, she was trying too hard to keep a ‘natural’ face-- like she was trying to hide something in her mouth. Her eyes were fixed with determination. As usual, she could not rest if someone was upset. More so if that someone was a close friend.

We walked up the steps and scanned the canteen among the sea of students wearing the familiar grey blazers and brown sweaters.

I felt Sayori nudged me in the ribs, tiptoeing to whisper into my ear. “There she is, in the corner.” 

I traced her eyes to a lone girl sitting at a table-- her focus on a thick book that I recognised from her collection the other day. A small bag of chocolates laid open, occasionally rummaging it for a quick bite. 

“Make the first move!” Sayori hissed, gently pushing me from the back.

I inched closer, keeping my eyes locked on her. Something about the atmosphere painted her in a gloomy picture-- she sat alone, contrasting the other tables that were filled with various groups of people. Her expression was empty, like she was used to the isolation. She blinked slowly and paused every now and then to bite into the chocolates or to flip her pages. 

I stood sheepishly in front of her, waiting for her to take notice. I cleared my throat and shifted my heavy bag onto the chair, “Mind if we join you?” I started softly, careful not to startle the timid girl.

She still jolted and shot upwards, her eyes meeting mine. “Oh! of course not. But um, who’s the we?” She peeked over my shoulder. 

I spun around and could not find Sayori anywhere, I grumbled under my breath and turned back at Yuri. “Ah, nevermind.” I smiled and motioned to sit beside her, peeking at her pages over her shoulder.

She glanced at me from the corner of her eye and quickly looked away. Her cheeks started to grow slightly red. 

“Is it okay if I read with you?” 

She nodded without looking up and shifted slightly to the right, allowing me more space and I closed the gap between our shoulders. I reached over to hold the other half of the book and peered into the page. Her scribbles were all over the script, accompanied with the usual underlines and circles. 

I read some of the lines until my gaze fell on one such passage. The words were mixed with an ominous red stain. I felt a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, the same familiar gnawing that always came when I thought about Yuri at the back of my mind was now screaming.

Almost on cue, she flipped the page hastily and pointed to her small bag of chocolates, “Could you pass the-” 

I grabbed her hand and said firmly. “Turn the page, Yuri.”

“W-Why?” 

“There’s no point hiding it.” I hissed, catching myself too late from my words.

Her smile was wiped off her face almost immediately, she frowned at me. For the first time, she looked agitated. 

I stood my ground and stared back, my heart was beating hard in my chest. She closed her book, shoving it in her bag and tried to walk away from the table.

Instantly, I stood up and held her by the wrist. It was a bad mistake.

 _“Don’t touch me-!”_ She recoiled and snatched her arm away. We stared at each other-- she pursed her lips before walking away, I could have sworn I saw tears pooling in her eyes.

I felt eyes staring at the back of my head and soft murmurs as I stood in the canteen. Gritting my teeth and gazing at the girl walking away from me, regret bubbling in my chest.

____________________

_Can I talk to you right now?_

_N: I’m in gym class, stupid._

_And you still have your phone right? Just for a few minutes, I’m behind the gym._

I locked the phone and shoved it into my pocket. I sighed into my hands and rubbed my face in frustration. I juggled the thoughts in my head, was telling Natsuki really the best course of action? I remembered Yuri’s eyes, her piercing gaze made a knot in my stomach. I groaned again and slammed my fist on the nearby wall.

“Keep it down or we’ll get caught, idiot.” A squeaky voice came up behind me. I heard the door softly close afterwards. “What did you want?”

I turned and saw Natsuki wearing her gym uniform-- a white tee with the school logo emblazoned on the top right of her chest and dark blue shorts. She looked extra adorable as I stared down at her.

I took a deep breath and said softly to her, “Don’t get mad at me.” 

She crossed her arms and shifted her weight on one leg. “No promises.”

“It’s about Yuri. I did something I shouldn’t have.” 

Suddenly, she gave me a hard kick at the shins. I doubled back in pain and hopped backwards.

“What did you do?!” She hissed, standing over me with her arms still crossed.

The door behind her opened up again, “Nat? What are you doing here?” A familiar voice asked her. Natsuki turned to find Sayori with a curious look on her face. She grimaced and jabbed a thumb down to my direction, obviously fuming mad.

Sayori’s eyes met with mine as I laid on the floor rubbing my shin. She raised her eyebrows with added confusion. I gave her a sheepish smile and explained to the two girls of my crime.

_________________

“And you told me to act natural, then you went and drop that bomb on her.” Sayori scowled at me, tapping her foot impatiently.

“I can’t just- do nothing!” I replied hotly, venting my frustration on the wall again. 

Natsuki sighed and sat on the floor opposite me, “Brute force doesn’t work with her. Like I said, I would’ve stopped her a long time ago.”

“So what? I screwed up and I’ll never get another chance?”

“Tsk, don’t be so dramatic.” Natsuki rolled her eyes. “There’s always club hours later today.” She added pointedly and sighed under her breath.

I pursed my lips, once again her piercing gaze and voice echoed in my head.

“Oooh, I have an idea!” Sayori suddenly piped in, both of us turning to her with raised eyebrows. “Nat, it’s monday so that means you brought food, right?”

“Yes I did, how is that relevan-” Natsuki replied, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yuri makes tea together with you, right?” Sayori continued excitedly, cutting her off.

Natsuki’s eyes widened, connecting the dots and standing up. “I’ll be right back!” She scurried off through the door, leaving me and Sayori. I glanced at her who looked content with her bright idea. 

Suddenly her expression fell, she walked over and gave me a kick on the same shin.

“Argh-! What was that for?” 

“Be natural!” She yelled in a mocking voice. “Seriously? You better fix this! Poor Yuri..”

I grit my teeth but looked closer into Sayori’s eyes, she looked genuinely upset about the ordeal with Yuri. Guilty pangs erupted in the pit of my stomach. I sighed and got up, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I promise I’ll fix this, last thing I want is to hurt her.” I finished with a smile.

The door flung open once again, revealing a sly looking Natsuki holding the same basket that she had when I first came into the club. She unfurled the cloth, revealing chocolate chip cookies. “I’m trusting you with these.” She suddenly said sternly, brandishing the basket onto my lap. “You know what to do. If you screw this up again, you’re dead.”

I gave her a toothy grin, “So what, I come to the club early? Yuri should be there right?”

“Yup, Monika too. Just tell her that I sent you.” Natsuki replied simply. 

I shot her a grateful smile and gave Sayori a squeeze on her shoulder. She nodded curtly and repeated softly, “Take care of her.”


	10. A wailing storm.

I stood outside the door, shuffling uncomfortably and biding my time. Behind this door was Yuri, just the thought alone had me taking a few deep breaths over and over. After taking a self-proclaimed early dismissal from class I found myself standing outside the door cradling the basket full of cookies. 

_Just apologise_ , I thought to myself and after a few more moments of psyching myself up, I slid the door open.

To my surprise I collided into Monika, whom was holding a stack of papers. “Oh, you’re here early!” She exclaimed behind the teetering tower.

“Yeah, Natsuki couldn’t get out of class early so I thought I’d cover for her.” I glanced at Yuri who was silently listening to us-- I could tell by how she was carrying a pot of tea but doing nothing with it.

“Alright then! I’ll come back later, all these paperwork..” She huffed and slid out the door, leaving me and Yuri together alone in the clubroom. 

I shuffled over to her and plopped the basket onto the table, unfurling the cloth and showing the cookies to Yuri. “Where do I put this?” 

“Oh, she usually places them all on a plate and we’ll just take what we want.” She said curtly without making eye contact. Nonchalantly, I poured the cookies onto a large plate that she handed to me and set it down onto the table. I eyed her once more, looking at her mix the tea into the pot-- her expression was still set in stone.

I leaned in and held her hand, “Yuri, I’m sorry.” I said bluntly, trying to look at her in the eyes. She pursed her lips and still continued her gaze at the floor. “I’m just worried.” I paused for a while, taking a deep breath. I held her chin and she met my eyes. “ _You mean alot to me._ ” 

Hearing those words, her cheeks blushed as usual.

The door slid open, revealing Monika again. She scanned the room and caught us together. Instantly I retracted and turned to face her.

“Is there something wrong?” She asked curiously, her eyes darting to me and Yuri.

“Nothing, he was just helping me prepare the tea.” Yuri answered before I could even speak, shooting a convincing smile at her.

Monika tilted her head, her lips pursed and her eyes squinted at us. She then turned and walked back to her table where the stack of papers were waiting for her, “Well, you guys better hurry. The others are nearly here.” She added with a curt smile.

I stole a glance at Yuri who nodded curtly at me, “You heard Monika, let’s make this quick.” She said with a smile. I felt a feeling of relief wash over me, the smile was enough to take the edge off.

Yuri took a small sip from her cup before frowning, “Hm, something’s not right..” 

I looked at her curiously, “What’s up?”

“I’m going to make a new batch. I’ll be right back.” She picked up the tea set and walked out the door, leaving me and Monika alone.

I sighed and slumped against the chair. I eyed the cookies with intent, I reached over and took one off the plate.

“Ooh, Natuski won’t appreciate that!” Monika teased, wagging a finger. She walked over and sat opposite me. “I’m impressed-- a whole month with us!”

I blinked at Monika and smiled, I barely even noticed the period of time I spent in the club. “Why do you keep thinking that I’ll leave?” I joked with her, Monika noticed and gave a hearty giggle. “The Literature Club is a fun place. And the company is always a plus.” I added pointedly.

“Yeah.” She nodded happily, “The girls are great, aren’t they?” She reached over and took one of the cups that Yuri left behind, tracing the rim. “They’re special, each of them has _something unique_. Don’t you agree?”

I raised my eyebrows at her, watching her smile to herself.

Before I could reply the door slid open, a cheerful girl burst into the room-- dragging a grumpy Natsuki by the collar who had her arms crossed. “Happy monday!” She blustered with a hearty laugh.

Monika jumped off her seat and greeted Sayori with the same enthusiasm. Natsuki looked in my direction, noticing the lack of Yuri anywhere. 

“Where’s Yuri?”

I shrugged, “She went to make a new batch of tea apparently.”

Natsuki flicked my forehead and hissed under her breath, “ _You dense idiot_!” 

“What-?” I frowned in response.

Suddenly, Monika popped up behind her, “Could you find Yuri? We’re about to start!”

I nodded and moseyed to the door, Natsuki was still glaring at me while Sayori was too busy stuffing her mouth with the cookies. 

First instinct was to head to the water cooler-- just down the hallway.

As I was approaching I noticed the familiar tea set sitting just by the cooler, the owner nowhere in sight. I picked up the pot and felt that it was not even filled. I suddenly heard voices nearby.

I stopped in my tracks, craning my hearing. The noises were coming from the toilet closeby, just like what Sayori used to mention-- this wing was rarely used by the other students. I inched closer to the door, hugging the wall.

“ _-you have to stop. He already knows, you have to stop.._ ” A faint voice came from behind the closed door, it was followed by harsh panting and hissing, like someone sucking air through their teeth. 

________________

The door finally opened. Surely enough, Yuri stepped out-- looking distraught with bloodshot eyes, puffy cheeks and a red nose. She scanned the hallway and let out a small gasp seeing me sat on the floor by the cooler. 

“W-What are you doing?” 

“Waiting for you.” I smiled politely at her. I stood up and stared at her, there was an awkward pause-- she refused to make eye contact with me, her eyes fixated on the floor. I stopped hesitating and pulled her into a tight hug, my face buried in her shoulder. “Whatever it takes, Yuri. I promise I won’t leave you.”

She stood still, feeling stunned. I felt her tremble and her arms wrapped around my back. She started sobbing softly, echoing off the empty hallway. She started to grip a fistful of my blazer,

“ _I’m not.. normal.._ ” 

I ran my hand through her silky hair. She bowed her head, sniffling into my chest. “I’ll see it through the end.” 

I held her hand and led her back to the clubroom, Yuri shuffling a little behind. Thoughts danced in my head-- Yuri was the quietest in the club, yet the wailing storm in her head was loud enough to seep into reality. I glanced behind, she had a solemn expression and her right hand was clenched in a fist behind her back. I gripped her hand tighter, caressing her slender fingers.

As we stood outside the door I turned and faced her, wiping her tears away. “Stay strong, okay? Keep it up. I’ll see you again later.” 

She huffed and nodded, trying to stifle her sobs with her hands. I gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and one last tear-wipe. I slid the door open and the atmosphere was lifted.


	11. Flow with the rain.

Rain started pouring, hitting the windows outside the clubroom. “Guess we won’t be leaving anytime soon..” Sayori huffed, looking at the gloomy rainclouds.

“More time for club hours!” Monika reassured her brightly, sitting atop the teacher’s desk with her legs crossed. 

“Fine by me, I don’t want to go home early anyways.” Natsuki said, buried behind her book. 

Sayori hopped away from the windows and hovered over Natsuki, peeking over her shoulders-- before sneakily taking a cookie away from her plate that she placed on her lap.

“I demand more cookies, everyday.” Sayori said in between her munches. More than half the basket was already consumed by her bottomless pit of a mouth.

“Eat anymore, and I’ll stop making Happy Mondays.” Natsuki threatened but with a content smile on her face. 

We were a few minutes into our sharing session, Natsuki and Sayori were already knee deep in their own books-- _with Natsuki hiding a manga within the pages_. 

Yuri did not ask anything of me and just went straight to the corner where we sat last time and huddled, hiding behind the same book from this morning. I followed her lead and sat beside her, holding my own book. We did not exchange any words-- there was not much to say as I already gave my piece. 

I suddenly felt a weight press against my shoulder, I glanced to see Yuri resting her head. I could smell the familiar jasmine scent from her hair. Nonchalantly, I put my arm around her and gave her a squeeze. 

I put my book away and slowly took hers away from her hands. “Do you mind if I read for you?” I asked, resting my cheek atop her head.

Yuri paused then nodded. I turned the page and saw the familiar red stain, the gnaws at the back of my mind started again. Instead, I squeezed Yuri’s shoulder harder, I continued on her pages. 

The rain kept pouring, the sound it made as it hit the windows and the slow roars of thunder outside combined with the chilly atmosphere of the room felt blissful. It felt like time was absent in the clubroom-- huddled in the corner, sharing warmth with Yuri and my gentle whispers as I spun her the words. We both already assumed whatever we had in our minds to be kept inside, I mutually agreed-- I was just glad to have her in my arms.

The minutes crawled into an hour and I had already read a handful of the pages-- halfway through I heard gentle snores. I glanced at Yuri to see her asleep. Her left hand clamped around my wrist. I smiled to myself and closed the book. 

I looked around the room, Natsuki dozed off as well-- her hands were still holding onto the book with her head bowed, her body rising and falling gently.

Beside her was Sayori, her head buried in her arms and was resting on the desk. In between her fingers was a piece of paper, she was probably excited to share her poems-- as usual. 

“I don’t have the heart to wake them up.” 

I shot to the source of the voice and found Monika sitting on a chair, smiling gently at me.

“Can’t blame them, I’m barely awake myself.” I huffed and yawned. “What about our poems?”

“Ah, I decided to just leave it till tomorrow.” She replied, looking around the clubroom-- Her members were all asleep. Monika acted like the mother of her little band. She got off the chair and sat on the floor, opposite me.

“Is there something I need to know about Yuri?”

I glanced at the dozing girl next to me and shook my head, “She’s facing some problems, that’s all.” And just like a child to her mother, I had to keep a few secrets.

She then leaned in and whispered barely soft enough for me to hear. “ _Are you guys seeing each other_?”

Those words felt like a bell echoing inside my head. What were we? I glanced at Yuri again, then to Monika. “I don’t know.” Admittedly, the objective went from trying to woo her to just making sure she was okay.

Monika’s lips curled into a smile. She then leaned back and rested against the chair. “Regardless, I’m proud of her. If this were a story she’d be character development.” She gave a hearty giggle.

___________________

“Oi, wake up.” 

I jolted and opened a bleary eye, seeing a pink-haired girl crouching over me. In her hand was a cup of water-- she was sprinkling me in an effort to wake me up. I grimaced and mouthed her an unsavory word.

“Shh, wouldn’t want Yuri to hear that.” Natsuki teased, gesturing at the girl that was still asleep against me. 

I rolled my eyes and scanned the room, “Where’s Sayori and Monika?” I asked, noticing their absence. 

“Sayori didn’t want to disturb you so she went home first and Monika had to run some errands apparently.”

I frowned, it was not like Sayori to just dip away like that. I checked my phone just incase she left any messages and found nothing. “She didn’t mention anything else?” 

Natsuki shook her head then pursed her lips. “My dad has been calling me non stop, Yuri and I usually go home together but I really don’t have the time.. Do you think you could-?”

I brushed her away, “Don’t worry about it, leave it to me.” 

Natuski beamed and got up, she placed the cup neatly back on Yuri’s tea set and shelved it before slipping through the door. Shortly after Natsuki’s departure, Yuri shook awake. I explained her the reason of the missing members and soon we were in the halls, slowly making our way out of the school. 

The sun had already set and the rain still brought about the chilly wind. Yuri stuck close by my side, I could faintly feel her shiver every time she caught a breeze. “I’m sending you home, hope you don’t mind.” I broke the silence, smiling gently at her. 

She nodded and sighed, “I hope Natsuki is okay, It’s pretty late.” 

“She’ll be fine, I saw her hanging around outside even later than now.” I remembered the time I caught her staring at a bookstore longingly, and how her face lit up when I bought her the book.

“Ah I remember, you bought her that manga didn’t you?” She asked with a smile. “I wanted to save that for her birthday..”

I gave a hearty chuckle, “My bad, don’t worry we can find her a new gift together. When’s her birthday?”

“The 14th of April.” She answered brightly, still sticking close by my side.

We continued down the dark road, heading towards the subway. “You and Natsuki are really close, huh?”

“We have history.” She huffed proudly, then sighing sadly. “I really wish I could’ve sent her home.”

“Hm? She said she was the one that sends _you_ home.” I said with raised eyebrows. Yuri said nothing but gave a dry chuckle and shook her head.

“Always the same with her. I treat her like my little sister, in fact sometimes I find her to be my _only family.”_

I pursed my lips, feeling somehow guilty from that statement. She was alike in a few ways, holding Natsuki in high regard similarly to how I feel about Sayori. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s your parents?” 

Yuri looked at me, I expected her to retort angrily-- or worse, to see her agitated expression again. Instead she drew a sad smile, “Overseas. They rarely visit, too busy with work. I love them but sometimes they need to remember they have a daughter.” She said bitterly. 

Our presence drew a few stares from the small numbers of commuters. Two high school students out after dark, still in their uniform and sticking close as if glued. The door to the train opened and we stepped in. The faces around us all drew exhaustion from the worn-out day, some were still wet from the rain. 

We sat together, I eyed us from the reflection of the window. Watching Yuri stare at a blank space, her fingers fiddling with the ends of her hair as usual. I remembered what Monika said, _Are you guys seeing each other?_

I shuddered the thought away. Of course, I wanted nothing else in the world then to hug her tight and never let go. However, the time was not right, I absentmindedly held her hand-- caressing her palm again. To mend her, to fix her, hold her close. All these thoughts started occupying my mind, I was not prepared for this. But I was not planning to give up just because Yuri was not ‘normal’. 

The train ride soon brought us to our destination, I led her out of the subway. Yuri was usually quiet so I felt it was normal to let her have her silence. 

I recognised the road that led to her home, Yuri walked slowly. I lagged a little trying to match her pace, her expression set in stone. Suddenly she froze in her steps, she huffed and leaned against the railings by the pavement. 

"Yuri? What’s wrong-?” 

_“I love you.”_


	12. Under the surface.

It was like time itself stopped-- the rain froze in place, suspended in air. The winds stopped whispering, and the trees stopped rustling. I stood rooted on the spot, staring at the girl in front of me. As usual, Yuri could not hold eye contact. She was staring intensely at the ground, her cheeks were so red I could swear it was steaming against the drizzling rain.

“Yuri..?” I started, inching closer to her. She whimpered and sank lower-- her momentum already leaving her. 

“It’s- It’s nothing-!” She blurted out and tried to walk away. Instinctively, I caught her hand and pulled her closer. Her hot breath tickled my neck as I pulled her into an embrace.

“Say it again.” 

She shook her head and buried her face into my chest, hiding her face.

“I’m not letting go until you say it again.” I lifted her chin and gazed into her deep purple eyes. My heart was pounding uncontrollably as I held her in my arms.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, _“I love-”_

I swallowed her words as I pressed my lips against hers. A familiar jasmine scent filled the air as I felt her clench my blazer.

I pulled back and huffed, seeing her wide eyes and dazed expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

She licked her lips slowly, as if admiring the taste and suddenly darted forward, hanging her arms around the back of my neck and pushing herself onto me. I felt her teeth bite into my lips as I staggered from her sudden weight. 

She finally leaned back, a different glint in her eyes as she smiled widely at me. Her sudden shift in personality was jarring. “You made me say it twice, now it’s your turn.” Her voice laced with lust.

I was stunned for awhile, I felt blood in my mouth-- my lips were bleeding from her bite. She glanced down at her handiwork and let off a little gasp. “Oh-!” Her glint was gone and she was back to her usual self.

I wiped my lips with my thumb and smiled. “I love you, Yuri.” I reassured her, running my hand through her silky hair. She paused then leaned in, resting her forehead against mine, sighing contently and closing her eyes.

We finally broke off, her blushes were dangerously red as she smiled sheepishly. I huffed and leaned on the rails beside her.

“I’m sorry if it’s too sudden.” Yuri murmured with a small smile.

“But you’re not sorry for biting me?” I toyed with her.

She hid her face with embarrassment, squealing lightly into her hands. I laughed and pulled her hand away, holding it tightly.

“I’m glad that it’s sudden, I would’ve taken forever. I still remember my promise; you won’t face anything alone.” We caught each other’s gaze, she smiled and rested her head on my shoulder.

We continued down the road towards her home, a different atmosphere surrounded us. Yuri was sticking closer to my side, enclosing her hand in mine. I glanced to my side to see her gazing at the stars, the dim moonlight winking at her deep purple eyes. There was a silence again, but this time with a more serene and tranquil vibe.

Suddenly, a phone vibration interrupted the quiet, Yuri pulled it out and read her notification. Her expression fell dark as her eyes scanned the message. 

“Yuri? What’s wrong?”

She did not respond, instead furiously typing on her phone and appearing to call someone. After several failed tries, I asked again, “Yuri-?”

“It’s Natsuki.” She said quickly, a sense of urgency taking over her drive. She released my hand and started to quicken her pace down the road. “I-I have to meet her, I’m sorry we can’t-”

“Natsuki? What happened to her?” I tried catching up to her pace.

Yuri did not seem to hear me-- she continued her pace while muttering to herself, “She should’ve waited for me..”

“Hey, Natsuki’ll be fine, she’s-”

“You don’t understand! Her dad is-” Yuri swallowed her words, stopping herself mid-sentence. Suddenly, everything clicked. The reason behind why Yuri and Natsuki always goes home together, why Natsuki puts off going home and why she was reluctant about talking about her dad. I remembered Yuri’s words; _I treat her like my little sister._

“Where is she?” I reached over and held her shoulder. Yuri turned, tears pooling in her eyes. She pursed her lips, looking angry at herself. Her fists were clenched on the straps of her bag.

She rubbed her eyes angrily, “I-I don’t know!” Her voice broke. “This is my fault, I-I shouldn’t have left her alone.” 

I squeezed her shoulder and wiped her tears, “We’ll find her.” I took her bag and cradled it in my arms. “Let’s go.”

_________________

I glanced at my phone, the clock informing me that it was fifteen past eleven. I glanced at Yuri, her expression wrecked with fear-- her nails digging into my wrist. Natsuki did not give us anything to work with, her message to Yuri was minimal;

_‘I can’t stay here.’_

Yuri’s first instinct was to head to the park a train ride away from her home, in hopes to find her ‘little sister’ there. All I could give her was reassurances and gentles coos while she rests on my shoulder.

Everything was happening in such a short time span, one second we were kissing and the next on a wild panic to find Natsuki. I took a deep breath, I hope she was okay.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket;

_S: Are you coming home? Don’t make me worried, meanie._

I felt a rush of relief seeing the text, I imagined seeing Sayori’s cheerful face. I typed back;

_I’m with Yuri right now, something happened. Don’t worry, I’ll be home soon._

On first sight, the park was unsurprisingly empty. The lamplights were our only company as me and Yuri crossed the gates, the shadow of the trees stretched across the pavement-- painting a grim atmosphere. I glanced at Yuri, she was unfazed by the vibe. Her expression still icy and set in stone. She was not afraid of the dark.

Yuri led me to a lone park bench atop a small hill overlooking a playground. She scanned the area, checking for any signs that might tell Natsuki’s whereabouts but to no avail. She pulled out her phone and tried to call her again-- followed by another failure. She sighed sadly before turning to face me. “She has to be here, let’s split up?”

I frowned at her, but before I could retort she shook her head and shot me a small smile. “I’ll be fine, Natsuki is more important right now.” Deja vu set in as she said those words. These two girls are similar in so many ways under the surface.

After Yuri convinced me that she will be safe, I set off alone down a pavement road-- eyeing her as she vanished behind a hedge. This park must have had some significance for Yuri to be so sure that Natsuki would come here. The moon waned overhead, bugging my conscience that it was way too late. But the concern for Natsuki outweighed common sense, I had half a mind to start shouting her name in the middle of the night.

There was a rest stop up ahead, usually used by joggers and the likes. As I got closer, I heard rustling. I stopped in my tracks and tried harder to hear what piqued my ears. It sounded like someone scraping the floor, followed by grunts and little soft sobs. 

I slowly walked forward, turning the corner of the rest stop. I felt a wash of relief as I eyed the little pink-haired girl on her knees looking underneath a vending machine. She was still wearing her uniform but without her blazer-- just a white long-sleeve shirt and the brown sweater.

“Natsuki?” I called out softly.

She jolted and scrambled to her feet, her face wrecked with fear. I studied her face and I felt the relief in my stomach turn into guilt. She had a bruised and cut lip, there was a glaring red mark on her cheek. Her eyes were puffy and worn out, she looked tired and spent. Before I could say another word she ran toward me, hugging me and crying into my chest. 

I gently pat her head as she cried, choking in between her sobs. “It’s okay, Nat. You’re okay.” I tried to assure her but my voice broke. The cries went on for minutes but it felt like hours.


	13. Bonds that bind.

It was depressing. Seeing Natsuki broken-- shuffling slowly by my side, her eyes fixated on the ground. 

She nibbled sheepishly on the bread that I bought, her lack of money or food made her resort to looking for loose change under the machine-- emphasising on her torn state. 

The silent night was occupied by her munches and soft sniffling, I eyed her again. I realised that she was slightly shivering, the night wind not sparing Natsuki’s lack of layers. Winter was gone but the chill was still here.

I took off my blazer and enveloped her small frame, she turned her head but could not bring herself to look at me. After a while, she finally broke the silence. “What are you doing here?” Her squeaky voice even softer. I blinked a few times at the question-- come to think of it, she was not expecting me to be here.

I placed both my hands on her shoulders, steering her as my blazer hung loosely around her down to her thighs. “I was with Yuri when you sent her the message, I can’t just ignore something like this.” I smiled sadly at her. “Yuri was worried sick.” I added.

She nodded slowly, trodding along uphill in front of me. Soon enough, the bench came into view; a lone girl stood there, her waist-length purple hair glittered in the moonlight, she was staring into the empty playground.

Natsuki picked up her pace and ran toward her, “Yuri-!”

She spun around upon hearing her name, her face lit up and she leaned in and gave Natsuki a hug with full fervor-- even lifting her a few inches.

“Natsuki, I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have-!” Yuri apologised profusely but stopped mid-sentence, she took a long stare at Natsuki’s face-- the latter tried to avoid eye contact with her but there was no hiding the damage. “Oh Natsuki..” Her voice broke.

She hugged her again, Natsuki collapsed onto Yuri's chest and I heard her stifled crying. I smiled sadly at the pair-- Yuri displaying her over-protective side, enveloping Natsuki and running her hand through her messy pink hair, cooing her slowly. 

Yuri leaned back and felt Natsuki’s wounds gingerly-- she recoiled and winced in response. She sighed heavily, “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” 

Natsuki looked at me expectantly-- I shuffled towards the pair, pulling out Natsuki’s mangled phone. The screen was so severely cracked it was hard to call even call it a ‘screen’ anymore. Yuri sighed sadly, patting Natsuki softly.

I wheeled Natsuki to the bench, and pulled Yuri slightly away. “How long has this been going for? This is too much.” I handed Yuri the phone. 

She took it and inspected the damage, then shook her head. “Since I met her, that’s all I can say. Only she knows how long this went on.” I stole a glance at Natsuki, who was continuing to nibble on her bread sheepishly, She tried hard not to eavesdrop.

“You’ve been taking care of her the whole time?” 

Yuri nodded in reply, staring longingly at Natsuki. I paused, Yuri was her shelter. She would go to her if something was wrong, and that was what Yuri meant when she said they had ‘history’. 

“We have to do something about this,” I raised a point, “Call the police or-”

“No!” Natsuki interjected before Yuri could even reply, obviously triggered about the mention of the enforcement. “You can’t do that!” She pleaded, her eyes darting to me and Yuri.

“And why not?” I raised my eyebrows.

“M-My dad, he has trouble on the side of the law. If he-”

“So what? Makes it easier for his ass to get landed in jail, right?” I raised my voice, not believing that Natsuki would still protect the same person that hurt her.

“ _I’m a bastard child!_ If he gets taken away, where will I go? I don’t even know my family! Go with his _friends?_ ” She gripped the hems of her skirt. “Never again, _I’d rather die!_ ” Natsuki screamed into the night, tears escaping her eyes. I was taken aback, guilt rippled in my stomach seeing her. Her secrets were spilling tonight, the things she wanted to keep quiet. Now she sat, damaged and broken. 

“That’s enough.” Yuri said sternly, gripping my shoulder and frowning at me.

I fell silent, looking at Natsuki cry again. I gave a heavy sigh, and kneeled in front of her. Cooing her gently and brushing her hair, “Nat, I’m sorry. I just- I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I promise _we’ll take care of you, okay?_ ” Yuri kneeled beside me and held her chin, wiping away her tears.

“We’ll be here.” Yuri reassured, her soft voice caressing Natsuki’s ears as they hugged one more time.

________________

I collapsed almost immediately upon entering my room, I did not even bother checking the time when I finally reached home. After sending the two girls to Yuri’s home and bidding one last goodbye to Natuski, my mind was occupied by all of the current events.

Yuri’s confession and Natsuki’s secrets burned a hole through my head-- my thoughts were foggy at best. 

“Wake up, meanie.”

I felt a hard kick on my thigh and I jerked awake, followed by an embarrassing yelp. My eyes were out of focus as I scrambled for my glasses, I swiped my hand at the bedside table but ended up knocking over the alarm clock.

“Right here, foureyes.” The voice mocked again, placing my glasses loosely on my nose. I squinted my eyes to see Sayori standing by the bedside table with a smug smile but her arms were crossed.

“Don’t. Do that.” I growled irritably, rubbing my weary eyes and letting out a long sigh. “Oh no, what time is it-?” 

Sayori bent down and picked up the fallen clock, “Don’t bother.” She flashed it at me, informing me that it was nearly two in the afternoon. Upon further inspection, Sayori was not even wearing her school uniform. She was wearing a simple tee with a pair of sweatpants. “Now, care to explain to me why you came home past midnight and slept the entire day away?” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.

“You’re one to talk, I’m surprised that you woke up on your own.” I scoffed. 

Sayori suddenly stomped her foot, “This isn’t funny, I was so worried for you! You didn’t even tell me the reason why you were outside for so long, you only told me not to worry! Are you being serious?” 

“I told you I was outside with Yuri!” I retorted angrily, sitting upright on the bed.

“What was I supposed to do with that information-? Oh I get it.” She stopped herself, her expression turned bitter. “ _I’m sorry I was disturbing your date._ ” She said icily before turning and leaving the room.

“Sayori, wait-!” I scrambled to my feet and reaching out to catch her wrist.

She did not turn, still facing the doorway and was fuming mad. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be venting out on you. But I was out with Yuri not because of her, but for Natsuki.”

Upon hearing her name, Sayori turned and raised an eyebrow. “Natsuki? What happened to her?”

“I think it’s better if I showed you, go get dressed and meet me outside in an hour.”

“What about the club?” Sayori asked.

I pursed my lips, “I’ll take the blame from Monika tomorrow. Trust me, she’ll understand.” I remembered that Monika lacks a phone, making contacting her impossible. I felt horrible as she was going to be alone in the clubroom but I was adamant, Sayori had to see Natsuki.

_____________________

The hour burned through quickly, I waited patiently outside Sayori’s home. The girl bumbled outside, straightening her little red bowtie and beaming at me. 

Sayori looked up at the sky, “It’s gonna rain again.” She murmured, sighing and walking down the road with me. 

I said nothing but nodded in response. My hands deep in my hoodie, too busy with my thoughts to even make an effort to talk. Sayori stole a glance at me, seeing my troubled expression.

She knocked my shoulder in a friendly way, “So you sent Yuri home yesterday, huh?” 

I looked down at her, seeing her flashing a sincere smile. I chuckled and nodded, “Yeah. I did. Why didn’t you wake me up though?” 

Sayori crossed her arms and huffed, “You guys were sleeping together, it’d be rude to wake both of you up just so you can send me home. I’m perfectly capable of going home by myself.”

I grinned slyly, “Is that so?”

“Yes!” She jabbed a finger at my side. Once again, Sayori lifted my mood without any prompts. “Um..” Her voice suddenly dropped as she fidgeted with her fingers. “Is it okay, if I ask something?”

“What is it?”

“You and Yuri-- are you guys.. Well-” She swallowed her words, “ _-Together?_ ”

I blinked a few times at her, studying her expression. She asked the question without looking at me, her smile was long gone.

“Yes, we are.” I answered simply, keeping a close eye on her. “Why?” I prodded.

“It’s nothing.” She smiled sadly at the ground. “Of course, I’m happy for you-” She looked up at me and stopped mid-sentence, noticing that I was staring at her the whole time.

“Sayori.” I said slowly, “I’m not dense, I can tell that something’s wrong.” I placed my hand atop her head and ruffled her hair. “Nothing will come between you and me. _We’re best friends, aren’t we?_ ” 

She looked up at me and her eyes glinted, I was reminded of the night before-- Yuri enveloping Natsuki in an embrace, proudly displaying their bond. She took a deep breath and wiped away her tears. “Yes. We are.”


	14. No hiding.

The lone girl stood outside her home, staring at the swing set in her front yard that swayed lazily. She was holding a cup in both her hands, the steam blowing gently with the wind. The long nightdress flowed down to her thighs and her long purple hair was unkempt and messily tied in a bun.

We spied her from afar, my hunch was right-- they did not go to school either and judging from her choice of clothes, she just woke up. Sayori perked up like a puppy seeing her owner and picked up her pace.

“Yuri!” She called out energetically to her, snapping the girl back to reality.

“Sayori-?” Yuri squinted her eyes at the girl who was already running across the front yard. “O-Oh! It’s so nice to see you! But what are you doing here?” She asked with a kind smile as Sayori greeted her with the usual hug.

Sayori beamed and jabbed a thumb behind her, gesturing me as I stumbled through the front gate, grinning and waving sheepishly. 

“You didn’t mention that you were coming-” Yuri’s face lit up upon seeing me, “-Not that I’m not glad to see you guys!” She quickly corrected herself. As usual, Yuri’s apologetic habit showed again. I nonchalantly walked up to her and gave her a hug as well. I paused and thought about giving her a peck on the cheek but spared Yuri the embarrassment.

“He mentioned it was really important for me to come, is Natsuki here-?” Sayori remarked but before she could go on, the front door opened up-- revealing a tiny girl wearing a shirt that was too big for her that it hung down to her knees and a messy apron on the front. She peeked by the side of the door and gave a little gasp.

“Natsuki!” Sayori squealed and barged through the door, “Is that Yuri’s shirt?” She asked with a sly smile. “And why are you wearing an apron?” 

Natsuki snorted and rolled her eyes, “Because Yuri tried to be a sweetheart and made me breakfast in bed. The thought was nice until she nearly burned the place down.” She took the apron off and hung it over her shoulder before smiling ear-to-ear.

Yuri gave an embarrassed whimper and Sayori giggled heartily. Suddenly, she paused and squinted at Natsuki’s face. 

Her smile faded a little as she tried to look away but Sayori held her chin and studied her face. Tension filled the air as she gingerly felt Natsuki’s wounds-- the latter still wincing from the touch. The marks were not as glaring as last night but the damage still showed.

“Who did this?” Sayori asked icily, all the cheerfulness absent from her voice.

“It-It doesn’t matter-” Natsuki stammered, offering a sheepish smile.

“No! Don’t say that-” She gave a frustrated cry, “- _Okay, that’s enough!_ I’m tired of being left in the dark!” Sayori spun around and glared at both me and Yuri. Her eyes darting to the both of us, expecting an answer.

“What happened to Natsuki? What happened last night? Why are we keeping secrets from each other? First was Yuri’s knife and now this?” She stomped her foot and jabbed a finger at me.

“S-Sayori-” Yuri started but I cut her off.

“No, she’s right. She deserves to know everything, that’s why I brought her here.” I nodded pointedly at Yuri who chewed her tongue nervously. I held her hand and caressed her palm. “and that _means everything._ ”

She grimaced and opened her mouth but said nothing, both her and Natsuki fell silent. Thunder roared outside as if on cue as we stood at the front door, I stole a glance at Sayori who had a fierce fire in her eyes but she was biting her lip, trying hard to keep her tears in. If there was anyone who could help lift the dark clouds, it would be my best friend.

_____________________

 

Rain had started pouring outside-- Natsuki sat on the floor, resting against Sayori’s legs with a pillow clenched tightly against her chest while her hair was slowly being groomed. I peeked at them from the kitchen, they were outside of earshot and I could barely make out the words they spoke.

“Sayori knew about my.. Well-” Yuri started with a soft voice.

“Your knife, yes.” I spun around, meeting Yuri’s gaze. She sat on the kitchen counter with two mugs in her hands. She offered one to me with a small smile. “Natsuki and I made her promise to not talk about it.”

Yuri nodded and pursed her lips. I stole a glance at them again-- Sayori was helping Natsuki’s hair with her signature pink clips. I could make out soft sobbing, Natsuki was crying again.

“How did you and Natsuki meet?” I asked.

“Remember the park? I liked taking walks there-- especially at night. I found her crying just like you did. And then she spilled everything to me, I’ve never seen that side of her before. She begged to keep it a secret and I promised her. But it wasn’t as bad as _this._ ”

I stayed silent-- imagining the scene, remembering Natsuki’s weaken state.

“We’ve always been alone.” Yuri remarked. “It was always just me and Natsuki.”

“Sayori wasn’t here before?” 

“We were good at keeping secrets.” She answered with a sad smile. “You ruined it for us. But thank you, Natsuki needed more people to lean on.”

I turned to look at Yuri-- she was stirring her drink slowly, her gaze fixed on the two girls . I placed my mug on the table and leaned in to her. “ _She’s not the only one that needs it._ ” I held her hand and gazed into her deep purple eyes. 

I slowly crept to her wrist and held the hem of her long-sleeves. “Can I-?”

Yuri broke eye contact and paused, before nodding slowly. 

I rolled up her sleeves gingerly, looking at the scars that crept up her arm. Her wounds were deep, I slowly traced and felt each of the lines. 

She held my hand and took it away before hurriedly rolling down her sleeves. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t like it when people see them-” 

I cut her off with a soft peck on her lips. “ _I promise I won’t let another one mark your skin._ ” Her cheeks grew red hot as she rubbed on her wrists softly and slowly resting her head against my chest. " _It's hard to believe that someone like you exists. _Y-You don't think I'm weird, right?" I shook my head while gently patting her hair. "I guess Natsuki was right about you." She remarked. “Natsuki was right about what?" I raised my eyebrows.__

____

“She was supporting us since the start, she was the one that told to me buy that book for you." Yuri said with a smile.

____

I blinked a few times, trying to picture the same Natsuki that was constantly on my case being on my side but her smile told the truth. 

____

“Sayori talked about you alot in the club, I didn’t believe her at first. But Natsuki told me to give it a chance, _to try again._ ” She added.

____

“ _Try again?_ ”

____

“I had a best friend once, but he showed me how dangerous it was to let people in. I was scared of company since then, but more scared of well.. _Boys._ ”

____

She twirled and played with her hair, aware of how childish she sounded. “I prefered to be alone anyways, it wasn’t until I met Natsuki.” She went on. “And I’m glad she made me change my mind.” She leaned in, her hot breath on my lips. _“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”_

____


	15. Beginnings to an end.

We were back home, the sun had long set. With nothing else to do, Sayori requested to crash at mine-- even offering her sandwiches as payment. 

Though, I knew what she wanted. Knowing Sayori, she was not happy with Natsuki’s ordeal-- and the lack of power to do anything but just to leave her to Yuri. 

“What more could you have done?” I asked, staring at the usually bubbly girl. Though, all her vigor was absent. 

She huffed and nibbled on her sandwich. “I don’t care, we have to call the police-” Sayori started.

I shook my head. “Sayori, we don’t know what we’re dealing with here. This might be bigger than both of us.” 

After shooting her down Sayori slumped again, eating her fourth sandwich and already reaching for another.

“We’re already doing her a favour, it’s not only Yuri she can look for this time.” I reassured her and leaned in, holding her shoulder. “Don’t take this the wrong way, we are going to do something about this. We just have to think carefully before we act. _It’s not for us, it’s for Natsuki._ "

Sayori paused, then nodded. Staring intently at her plate of crumbs. 

“Then what about Yuri?” She asked with a small voice.

I stared at her, she wore the same expression as this morning. “I’m keeping my promise, I’ll take care of her.”

Sayori nodded to herself, biting her lip and keeping her remaining thoughts to herself. Something told me that Yuri’s problem was not the issue.

Then, she huffed and got up. “We should get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She picked up her plate, shot me a last smile and disappeared through the door.

I stared at the open door, waiting for the gate to click close-- signifying Sayori’s departure. 

I glanced at the familiar knife, sitting by my bedside table. It was haunting, as if it whispered Yuri’s words. 

_I’m not.. normal_.

_________

I jolted awake, staring at the ceiling. The still night crawled to a silent one, so quiet I could hear a pin drop. My eyes were open but I could make nothing out, just my heavy breathing.

I tried to move my hands but it felt dead, my fingers refusing to inch. My breath started to pick up, I gasped and retched. Panic starting to grasp my throat as I struggled to move, I tried to scream but nothing came out. Slowly, darkness claimed me and I felt nothing.

_Nothingness._

I could literally feel the dark hold me, gripping me and holding me aloft. There was no ground beneath my feet.

“ _Wake up._ ”

With a thud I fell on my back, my vision was blurry as I rolled over on my knees, retching and gulping air as if I was drowning. Regaining the usage of my limbs, I collected myself and huddled into a corner. My breathing was unsteady as I tried to make heads or tails of my surroundings. My eyes darted to every inch of the room, blinking at the familiar walls-- it was the clubroom.

“ _Relax_.” The cool voice echoed again, the voice reverberating off the walls. I spun around to see a girl sitting behind a desk, her chin resting on her hands with a sly smile on her face. Her piercing green eyes were familiar, they seemed to glow in the minimal light.

“M-Monika?”

She closed her eyes in response, her smile still etched on her lips as she leaned back in her chair.

“Please sit down.” She gestured at the empty chair in front of her.

I ignored her instructions, inching closer and stammered. “W-Where am I?”

She shook her head. “Please sit.” Repeating her words, gesturing again.

“What-? Answer me-!” Before I could finish my sentence, I felt myself get yanked to the chair. I gasped and huffed, the force snatched my breath away. I tried to struggle but my limbs failed to respond again.

‘Monika’ got up and held out her hand, gingerly touching my cheek. I winced and gritted my teeth. 

“I almost forgot how this felt.” She mentioned, her hand cupping the side of my face now. Her touch was cold as ice.

“Y-You’re not Monika.” I snarled through my teeth. “This is just a-”

“Dream? Perhaps.” She finished my sentence. “That would explain many things.” She walked to the windows, staring outside. “I stopped caring about ‘where’ a long time ago.”

An uneasy silence ensued, I struggled to turn around to watch her. I looked at every inch of the room, all of the furniture was gone-- there were no chairs or tables save for the one I was sitting on. The walls were lined with papers, I squinted my eyes to see that they were our poems that we wrote over the months. If not pasted repeatedly to make a pseudo wallpaper.

I felt my limbs unlock and I slowly got up, staring at her back-- her flowing brown hair seemed to gently float in the air. The lights outside were beautiful, even if somewhat eerie. Flashing colours of yellow, blue and red. White dots speckled the colourful canvas, dancing in tandem.

“You weren’t here today. All of you didn’t came.” ‘Monika’ touched the glass pane, her green eyes staring at me from the reflection. “None of you came.” Her voice dripping with malice. “ _I was alone, you made me feel it again. Suffer it again._ ” The window she touched cracked upon hearing those words.

“M-Monika-!” My eyes widened in fear.

“Was I not Monika to you a while ago?” She turned and tilted her head, an empty smile etched on her lips. “Let me show you something, it’s up to you to decide what to do next.” She pointed a finger to the storeroom, where Yuri usually kept her tea set. “Please choose wisely.”

I followed her hand to the door, an eerie feeling washed over me. Fear gripped me, as childish as it sounded, I was afraid to see what was behind the door. 

“Go ahead, don’t be shy.” Monika said softly, her familiar friendly voice laced with a devilish intent. 

Once again, my body moved of its own accord. Moving slowly to the door. I tried fighting back but to no avail, I had no sense of control. Slowly, I put a shaking hand on the handle.

The sight made my knees buckle, as I felt my throat tightened. I regained control of my body again and hurriedly backed away from the door. 

The three girls, laid against the wall motionless. Lifeless. Cramped and messily placed atop one another. Their empty, milky eyes staring through my soul. Their mouths ajar and their skin pale as snow. 

“N-No-” I stammered repeatedly, hyperventilating and my eyes darting to each of the girls. Their eyes seemed to track mine. “No!” My ears started ringing.

“Please choose carefully.” Monika repeated again. Her voice like a bell toll inside my head as the walls started to shake, the poems flying off the walls.

“Don’t-!” I lost my words, shock was holding my breath. I reached out for her desperate for anything. “ _Monika!_ ”

“Wake up!”

I felt a bright light piercing my closed eyes, someone was holding my wrists.

“Wake up, please!” 

My eyes shot open, seeing Sayori inches away from my face. Her face etched with concern and her eyes contorted with fear.

“Are you okay?” She asked, a simple question washing a sense of relief over me. My breath still unsteady, I barely noticed that my fingers were digging into her wrists.

“S-Sayori..” I croaked, my throat felt dry. She wiped a tear from my eye, only worsening her concern. I sat up on my bed and felt my damp sheets.

“You were thrashing about, yelling and crying.” Sayori said slowly. “I heard you even from outside, when I came in you were covered in cold sweat and holding out your hands.”

I blinked slowly at her, unable to find words to tell her. “What- What time is it?” I asked simply, my breath still heavy.

“Nearly two.” Sayori answered, still keeping her eyes glued on me. “I don’t think school is important right now-”

“C-Club.” I stammered, gripping Sayori’s shoulders tightly. “We- We have to go to the club, tell Yuri to bring Natsuki.”


	16. Cracks begin to form.

“Slow down!” Sayori shouted, panting and trying to catch up to me. 

I ignored her and kept at my pace, pushing past the students going the opposite way. Getting to the clubroom was the only thing in my mind. 

Every step I took shook my heart as it pounded at a vicious rate. The images of the lifeless girls was still freshly etched on my mind. The deeper I went into the school grounds, the more uneasy I felt. I pressed on, ignoring the alarm in my head.

_Up the stairs._

Past more students, ignoring their stares. Clubroom was not too far away now. Monika must be there. She must have answers, she clearly wanted us to be there.

_Down the halls._

There, I found myself standing frozen. The orange glow from the windows struggling to stay as the sun slowly began to set. The ominous corridor beckoned me further but all my vigor was gone, replaced with dread.

“Will- you wait up!” Sayori panted behind me, finally catching up. 

My legs started to seize up, I could not take another step. I clenched my fists again, trying to control my breathing and regain my composure. 

Sayori frowned at my back, looking at me then down the halls. She noticed my plight, took a deep breath and asked softly. “What are we doing here?” 

I kept my stare down the halls, “It-It’s club hours, isn’t it?” I muttered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

“There’s something more than that.” Sayori pressed, she stood in front of me and felt my forehead. “You’re pale and burning up.”

I shook my head slowly, brushing away her hand. “I need to see her, M-Monika I mean- it’s hard for you to understand-”

“Try me.” Sayori frowned.

I stared down at her, she was angry but more disappointed that she was lost. I feel her pain, now more than ever. Confusion was a bitch to experience.

I opened my mouth but closed it immediately. I could not find the words to tell her, how could I? I stammered over my words and I could barely keep myself together. Now in front of Sayori, I was trying my hardest not to fall apart.

She gave a small smile and took my hand, noticing my silence. “Let’s go in first, okay?” She patted my palm softly, “Yuri and Natsuki will be here soon.”

I let Sayori take the lead and trodded along with her. It was deja vu, Sayori taking my hand down the glowing hallways. I was usually smiling and she bouncing off the walls, I felt the stark contrast as we walked slowly towards the club door. 

_The Literature Club._

I recognised Yuri’s handwriting. Sayori turned and beamed at me before giving me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. “Are you ready?”

I nodded curtly, keeping my expression in stone. She put a hand on the sliding door and stepped through.

It was empty.

“Monika?” Sayori called out, looking around the room. I stayed silent, staring at the walls. I shivered slightly, remembering how they shook. “Maybe she’s late..” Sayori pondered.

She plopped herself on the usual place where she sits and beckoned me to sit beside her. “Are you alright?” Sayori asked again. 

I nodded and offered a small smile, not wanting to be treated like a small child. I pursed my lips-- the thought did cross my mind. I dragged the girls here purely because of a dream. A childish nightmare.

“Are you feeling alright enough to tell me what happened?” Sayori leaned in, like a mother consoling her child.

I took a deep breath, “I-I don’t know how to put it..”

“Just say it bluntly.”

I glanced at her, seeing her reassuring smile. Her hand was still holding onto mine, gently caressing my palm.

I sighed, “Okay, fine. I’ll try.” I slumped down in my seat, dropping my voice to a whisper. “I honestly don’t know what it was, it was a dream but it felt real. I was back at the clubroom, there was nothing there. Just me and Monika-”

Suddenly the door slid open, “U-Um..” Yuri stood at the entrance, looking at me and Sayori huddled together. Natsuki was at her heels, her blazer was missing-- she was still living with Yuri.

“Where’s Monika?” Natsuki asked, striding across the room towards us. She glanced at me, noticing my grim expression, then to Sayori-- waiting for an explanation.

I stood up and left her with Sayori, walking straight towards the timid girl in the back.

“Yuri, me and Sayori were just-” I started.

“Don’t be silly, I trust you. I know how you and Sayori are.” She shot me a smile and awkwardly half-raised her arms for a hug.

I gave her the hug but hung my arms around her longer. I felt safer when Yuri held me, “H-Hey, what’s wrong?”

I did not answer for a moment, and kept myself close to her. I felt vulnerable, but yet calmer around her. “I’m scared.” I whispered to her, and looked into her deep purple eyes. I remembered how lifeless they were, all the colour drained and staring back at me. 

Yuri frowned at me, “Scared of what?”

I glanced at the storeroom, Natsuki was heading towards it. My eyes widened as she reached for the door handle.

“S-Scared of what-?”

“Nat, stop!” I yelled across the room, rushing towards it.

Natsuki yelped and stepped back, “W-What?!” She snapped at me angrily.

I peeked at the storeroom, the door ajar. My breathing was unsteady again, staring at the contents-- just the collection of books and Yuri’s tea set. I clenched my fists and grit my teeth, I whimpered and crouched low, holding my head in my hands.

My ears started to deafen, hearing the rush of the cursed room. The feeling when the darkness gripped me. I yelled in frustration, the sounds were numbing my head.

“W-What’s wrong-?” Natsuki blurted, darting to Sayori with her eyes widened.

Yuri and Natsuki rushed to my side, gripping and shaking me. I stared at their frightened expressions, the sounds were numbing. I could barely hear anything, let alone make out what they were saying.

Out of the deafening noise, I heard a jingle. Like a chime in the middle of a storm. I calmed down, and cocked my head up.

_A melody of a piano._

“D-Do you hear that?” My eyes widened at Sayori. “That song! The one Monika played!”

Before Sayori could even reply I darted out the room, running down the hallway. The song getting louder and louder as I got closer to the band room.

“Come back!” I heard one of the girls yelled, I ignored them and turned the corner. I stood outside the door, Monika was behind this. 

I tried the handle but had no luck. I started knocking on it, “Monika? I know you’re in there!” 

No reply-- I pushed and pulled hard on the sliding door. “Monika!” I yelled. Frustrated, I started kicking, the music getting louder with every attempt. The piano she played getting faster and faster.

_Stop, stop!_

I got pulled to the side, Yuri was holding onto my arm. She was frowning at me with a concerned look although her eyes looked fearful. The girls behind her stared at me with the same expressions.

The music stopped, the sound stopped. I stood there breathing heavily with Yuri holding onto my arm. “I-I…” I started but could not find the words to carry on. I glanced at the door, there was no music. Just the ominous silence as we stood in the hallway.

“What happened?” Yuri said slowly, her grip on my arm getting tighter.

It was not a nightmare. Not a dream. I blinked a few times at her, before breaking eye contact. 

“It’s okay, let’s get you home.” Sayori answered for me, walking forward and taking my other arm.

“Sayori, It’s okay.” Yuri looked at her instead, her voice surprisingly cold. _“I’ll take care of him.”_

“O-Oh!” She looked genuinely surprised at Yuri, “I think it’s better if we get him home-”

 _“He can stay with me for awhile.”_ Yuri interjected, as if her word was final.

I looked up at her but did not say a word, like a child getting reprimanded.

Natsuki stepped up between us, sensing the tension. “S-Sayori, let’s go. I’ll come with you instead.” She knew if she stayed Yuri would tell her off as well.

I felt Sayori’s grip slackened, “O-Okay then.” She flashed me a curt smile, “I’ll see you at home later then.” Natsuki then hung her arm around her as they made their way back down the hallway.

I glanced back at Yuri who still resumed her cold stare at the two girls as they walked away, her deep purple eyes felt different. I could have sworn they had a tinge of emerald green.


	17. Living nightmare.

I was back at Yuri’s home again. Though, we barely exchanged any words. My head still pounded from what happened, I was still trying to piece together everything but nothing makes sense.

With a clatter, Yuri put out some tea for us. Along with some cookies that Natsuki probably baked while she stayed here. I murmured my thanks and started to eat.

Yuri kept her eyes on me, wary as if I might explode again. I hated it-- being treated like a child or some sort of anomaly. I was in no position to voice my displeasure, seeing as Yuri was kind enough to take me home. 

She put out a hand and felt my forehead, “You don’t seem to be burning up anymore.” 

“I’m not sick.” I murmured. 

“That’s a little hard to believe.” She scowled and crossed her arms. “A not sick person wouldn’t run out the room yelling and kicking down a door.”

I fell silent, feeling embarrassed about the ordeal. Yuri noted my silence and sat beside me, giving a quick hug. Suddenly, she laid against me with her head on my lap. She reached for a book on the tableside and just started reading nonchalantly.

“Yuri-?”

“I think we need a rest.” She said simply, and continued reading. “Take a nap or something, I’ll wake you up soon.” She looked up at me and beamed, her purple eyes twinkled. There were no traces of green. 

I took a deep breath. Yuri made me feel safe, I ran my hand through her hair. Maybe I was in the clear, I closed my eyes and relaxed. 

I felt a fleeting sensation, like I was gently floating in the air. But I heard whispers in my ear, gently caressing my face.

_What do you see?_

“W-What?” I opened my eyes, again I awoke in a different place. I scanned the room, looking around trying to make heads or tails of where I was. A small cramped room, with only one window-- it was a bedroom, with a familiar view outside.

_I recognised the red ribbon on the bedside table._

_What do you see?_

The voice asked again, I looked up to see a girl dressed in our uniform. She sat cross legged on the study table. She got up and walked slowly to me, picked up the red ribbon and dangled it in in front of my eyes. 

“Sayori’s red ribbon.” I whispered, watching it sway lazily side to side.

She nodded and smiled, “You bought it for me.” 

“For Sayori, not for you.” I hissed under my breath, getting brave and reached for the ribbon.

With those words, she grimaced and snatched it away, “I’m not Sayori?” She pointed a finger to her face. She definitely looked like her, but her hair was a familiar shade of brown, not the coral pink I was accustomed to. Her baby blues were different-- they were green.

She took the red ribbon and tied it on her hair, similar to how Sayori always did.

“Am I Sayori now?” She shot me a sickening smile.

“Y-You’re not Sayori!” I stood up, daring to defy whatever sick reality I was in. There was a profound silence, her smile vanished. She took off the ribbon and it hung loosely around her neck. She started to sob, looking at the floor.

Without warning, ‘Sayori’ screeched and pounced on me, pinning me onto the bed. Her knees were on my chest, taking the air out of my lungs. She wrapped her hands around my throat, squeezing the life out. I gasped, stretching out my arms trying to push her off. _“Have you made a choice yet?!”_

Her devilish smile widened, watching me struggle. Her maniacal laughter echoed throughout the cramped room. My vision started to blur, I could see the red ribbon around her neck dangled close within reach.

Without thinking, I pulled on the ribbon. She immediately flew off me, I stared in horror as the ribbon started to tighten around her neck. She staggered backwards all the while retching and gasping, scratching at her neck and trying to pull the cursed ribbon off. The line shot upwards, fixing itself on the ceiling-- lifting her feet off the floor by a few inches.

She kept her eyes on me-- begging and crying. She stretched a hand out to me, pleading for help. I scrambled backwards, falling off the other side of the bed with a thud. She mouthed words but any sounds were trapped in her throat. “H-Help-”

_Those green eyes slowly turned to baby blues._

I felt a strong force clasp both of my shoulders. It shook me profusely, the room melted away. The hanging girl slowly dissipated and instead a familiar girl kneeled by me.

“Are- Are you awake?” Yuri stammered, her eyes were watering. 

I kept quiet, I was still stunned. We were on the floor, back in her living room. I touched my neck, feeling marks around them. I shot up and looked into the mirror, it looked like handprints.

“Y-You weren’t breathing- thrashing about! I-I didn’t know what-” Yuri continued, she was evidently shaken. “You just kept choking yourself, I had to p-pry your hands off-”

“I-I’m fine. I’m fine.” I reassured her, reaching over and giving her a hug. She gripped the hems of my shirt and sobbed into me. 

“Yuri, listen to me. I need to go back. Something happened to Sayori.” 

“W-What? What happened-?” She frowned her teary eyes.

“I don’t- I just need to see her.” Realising how stupid I sounded.

“No way, you are not fit to go out alone! Especially at this time!” She yelled reason.

“No, no! Listen to me. Just stay away from the club okay? _Stay away from Monika.”_

______________

Sense of urgency took over me, I was adamant. I was not going to be weak in front of whatever was waiting for me. 

I pondered for awhile, making sense of the very few logical explanations. _Was I losing my mind? How many more of this episodes was I going to have?_

I remembered Yuri’s behavior earlier today, the way her eyes twinkled. _Maybe it was them losing their mind._

I shook the thoughts away, I had to keep calm. I remembered what was in common to all of my panic attacks, and only one answer remained-- Monika. 

I hurried down the road, the streetlights showed the way to familiar territory. I glanced at Sayori’s room, the lights were off. I fumbled for the keys, finally choosing the right one and entered cautiously. 

I had to save Sayori, from whatever Monika wanted to happen. The living room was pitch black as I fumbled around in the dark, trying to find the flight of staircases up to her room.

As I climbed slowly I squinted into the darkness, standing at the top of the stairs was a girl-- her pair of green eyes glowed in the dark, I saw her flash a devilish smile.

“Hey!” I shouted at her. She darted away and ran down the hall towards Sayori’s room, “Stop!” The door slammed shut behind her.

I threw my bag in front of me and reached for the purple-tinted knife Yuri trusted with me. I started running and barged down the door.

The figure stood over the bed, still smiling. With a rush, I dove for her and drove the blade down into the bed.

_What-?_

I stopped in my tracks, stepping back. I hastily made for the lights and switched it on. Sayori laid in her bed, wide-eyed and hyperventilating. The blade inches away from her head, “Why-?” She stammered, her face etched with fear. 

I stepped back, realising what I done. “Oh.. Oh god..” I stammered, my knees were weak. Sayori looked at me in the eyes, ridden with fear. “I’m- I’m sorry.” 

I darted out the door, escaping my nightmare.


	18. One step at a time.

The room was dark, silent and still. I sat facing the window, curtains drawn and blocking out any light. I lost the track of time-- how many nights has it been? It was hard to tell, I was too afraid to sleep. I had to stay awake. I had to. 

The Monika I knew was gone, and in its place was a nightmare. Somehow I felt like this was my doing, but I was still lost. Left alone with my questions, and not a single answer.

Everything felt numb, I wondered how long have I stayed awake. I felt every hour scrape past as I sat in this empty room, trying hard to ignore the gnawing in the back of my mind-- A dreadful thought that kept reminding me, _I really was going insane._

My phone was long dead-- I had no contact with anyone, especially the girls. Ever since Sayori, I was a danger to them. This was a fact that was hard to come to terms with.

I heard a clatter outside my room door, then a pause. This was a regular occurance, I got up and leaned gently, resting my head on the door. There was a firm knock and then an attempt at the knob-- “...I left you some food. I hope you’re okay.” A voice outside said softly, repeating the same familiar words the previous times.

I continued leaning against the door, there was no sound of footsteps trailing away from my room. “What day is it?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

There was a pause, “It’s Saturday.” The muffled voice behind the door replied, “Can I come in?”

“I can’t do that-”

“It’s okay then.” She was quick to cut me off. “A lot of things went wrong while you were gone.” She took a deep breath.

I slid down and sat on the floor, resting my back against the door. I gave her no reply and waited for her to go on.

“Yuri was looking for you, she came over but I think you were asleep. That was the last time I heard from her.”

I snorted at the mention of ‘asleep’. Staring emptily at my own hands, listening to her monologue.

“We’re all worried for you, I haven’t seen or heard from you for days!” There was another pause, I could hear her draw another breath, as if trying to steady herself. 

“N-Natsuki’s gone. _Her dad actually came to Yuri’s house to drag her home!_ ” She slammed a fist on the door. “I don’t know what to do! Everything’s gone horribly wrong! Everything-!” Her voice broke.

I heard her slump to the floor as well, “I forgive you..That night never happened, just please open the door. I’m alone, I’m worried, I’m scared. Just p-please open the door.” Her voice shook.

I stood up and held the door knob, shaking slightly. I heard her stifled sobbing behind the door. With a deep breath, I pulled. Revealing Sayori on her knees, sobbing into her arms. 

She gave a gasp and looked up, meeting my eyes. We spent a moment staring at each other but it felt like hours, Sayori looked torn-- her hair was in an even more messy state than usual and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked worn and exhausted.

She shot up and hugged me, leting go all of her pent up feelings as she bawled, gripping the back of my shirt tightly as if holding on for her life.

I hugged her back, I felt my own cheeks get wet as tears rolled down. The rain clouds were still keeping us company.

______________

I stood by my room door, fresh from a shower and still drying my damp hair with a towel. I peeked around the side to see Sayori sitting on the edge of my bed, the curtains were still drawn and she was strumming away on my guitar that I stored in the corner of my room in the dark.

“You still remember how to play?” I revealed my presence, smiling kindly at her.

Sayori turned and returned the gesture before continuing to play. “Just a few notes, back when you used to teach me.” She was reminiscing our childhood, her faded smile still etched on her lips.

I sat beside her and watched her play, her amateurish style and her attempt to string together a tune was adorable. 

I stared longingly at her, seeing her tired blue eyes carefully watching her strums and her smile that used to fill a room with joy. I glanced at the red ribbon that she still wore on her hair. I felt a shudder through my spine.

“I don't know why this is happening.” She said softly, still playing the guitar. “I don’t even know what is happening. Ever since you were gone, the girls were acting weird. Especially Yuri, it feels like she blames me for everything.”

I shook my head, “That’s not true. How about Natsuki, what happened to her?” 

She shrugged and sighed sadly, “Yuri just called up one night, saying that Natsuki’s dad was banging on her door. Afterwards Nat just walked away with him, leaving Yuri behind without a word.”

I felt a ripple of guilt form in my stomach, all this happened while I was gone. 

“Everything’s gone horribly wrong.” She repeated. Then suddenly stopped playing and stared back at me. “ _What about Monika_?”

My eyes shot wide open, hearing her ask that question. 

Her voice dropped to a whisper, “You were obviously obsessed about her, I thought you might have some idea on what’s happening to all of us. Or is all of these just a sick coincidence?” 

“Have you went back to the club?” I asked her cautiously.

“I haven’t been to school at all.” Sayori answered sheepishly, flashing a familiar smile that warmed me a little.

I pondered for a while, finding words to tell her. I had no answers either. “I-I wish I knew, Sayori. But I’d like to find some answers, and maybe clear this mess a little.” I got up and held her shoulder.

She looked up at me curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s go and meet Yuri. One step at a time.”

______________

Sayori held out her hand, a small droplet fell on her palm. “It’s going to rain soon..” She murmured. 

As if on cue, the rain started pouring. I glanced up to see the grey clouds looming over us. I reached for Sayori’s hand and started to run.

“Pick up the pace!” I yelled behind me, the rain was starting to get heavier. I made our way towards shelter, a nearby playground with a small pagoda surrounded by trees.

Huffing and panting, we reached the pagoda. I grabbed a fistful of my shirt, wringing out the water and took off my glasses, wiping them on my sleeves. “I should’ve brought an umbrella-” I grinned and joked at Sayori.

I glanced at her and noticed that she was not even bothered by being wet. She sat at the edge and faced the pouring rain. The downpour made it hard to see even two feet in front of us, the wind blew hard as her hair danced along.

“Hey Sayori?” I placed a hand on her shoulder. 

She shook awake, snapping out of her trance. “Oh, sorry.” Sayori smiled and felt my hand on her shoulder. “I like the rain.” I smiled at her childish comment.

It was a blissful feeling, tracing her blue eyes to the rain. I sat beside her, closing the gap between us and stared at the downpour with her. 

Sayori slowly leaned her head against my shoulder, I glanced at her and noticed those baby blues were a little teary. I hung my arm around her and gave a one-armed squeeze. I let the symphony of the clouds occupy the silence.

_Together staring at the rain._

“ _How long were you awake?_ ”

“I don’t think I slept.” I answered simply, fatigue lingered close to me but again, I was too afraid to sleep. 

“ _You stayed up this long? Aren’t you tired?_ ”

I shook my head and continued to stare at the mist. A large gust of wind caught us and I saw a flash of red, Sayori’s ribbon flew into the rain.

I hopped into the downpour and picked it up from the flooded pavement, “Don’t worry, I got it-”

_Have you made a choice yet?_

A voice whispered to me, even louder than the rain.

I jolted awake in the pagoda, alone and shivering. The rain had already stopped, with no one around I started to cry.


	19. Lamentation.

The rain was still softly drizzling, drumming the walkway as I crossed the front yard.

My breath forming little clouds of mist as I shivered at the front door. I took a deep breath and knocked firmly, keeping myself composed and calm.

I heard the door click and it swung open, revealing a distraught looking Yuri-- Her long purple hair was unkempt and out of place as it flowed down to her waist, her especially bloodshot eyes hindered her purple gems. Even her usually rosy cheeks were sunken and she was even more pale than before.

She froze on the spot and looked into my eyes, her lower lip trembled slightly. “You-You’re here..” She whispered in disbelief.

Without missing a beat, she launched herself on me. Clutching tightly and crying her heart out. “H-He took Natsuki-” She sobbed harder into my chest, bawling uglily.

“Yuri..” I started, unable to form a decent string of words. She caught me by surprise, I was stunned by her state. I gingerly held her, letting her lean on me.

“Where were y-you?! I c-called you so many times-!” Her teary eyes narrowed down at mine, I felt them pierce my soul. She yelled and cursed at me, a flurry of emotions bursting through her. I stayed silent, even when she beat on my chest, venting out her pent up feelings. Her howls of misery worsening as she choked on her sobs.

I held both of her shoulders and stared into those purple eyes. She tried to escape my grip and even had to blink back her tears but they kept flooding out. I slowly released her and wiped away the track that streamed down her cheek.

She buried her head on my neck and collapsed again, the pain must have come in waves. Her tears soaking my hoodie, I felt her hands clenched, as tightly as I held her.

____________

“I-I didn’t know what to do..” She whispered, with her head hung low and clutching her knees to her chest.

We sat on the steps, by the open door. The cold wind outside chilled us both to the bone but we kept each other warm. I kept my arm around her and held her close to me, listening to her lamentation.

“He came and started kicking the door, yelling for Natsuki.” Yuri continued, “I remember how scared she looked- how she looked at me-” Her voice broke and she swallowed the rest of her words. 

I glanced at her-- I traced her vacant stare to the swing, lazily moving along to the wind. I felt a ripple of guilt in my stomach, I left them even though I promised.

“Suddenly, she just got up and opened the door. She didn’t even s-say a word-!” She took a deep breath. “And- And then he just- hit her, right in front of me. I remembered her crying and screaming as he dragged her to the car-” 

Yuri turned and looked at me in the eyes, “I didn’t do anything, I just stared.” Her lips started to tremble again, “ _I just looked at it happen. What is wrong with me?_ "

I could feel her trembling, I shook my head, “There’s nothing you could’ve done, this isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself-”

“Promise me we’ll get her back.”

I blinked at her, she had her back turned again and was staring at the swing. Her fists gripped the hems of her shirt tightly that her knuckles went white. “ _I’ll make him hurt, everything he did to Natsuki I’ll notch it on his skin._ ” She whispered, her voice laced with a grim undertone.

I widened my eyes at her, her tense switch of personality catching me by surprise. 

“Promise me.” Yuri repeated, she turned back to look at me. Her purple eyes were gone.

“I-I promise-” My breath snagged on my chest, the glimpse of green made me panic.

“What’s wrong?” Yuri raised an eyebrow, she leaned closer to me, her hot breath tickling my neck. “I missed you. You were gone for so long, I came over but you won’t see me.” 

She pressed a hand on my chest and pushed me onto the floor, the back of my head making a dull thud. “Sayori said you haven’t been outside for so long but I know the truth, she just wanted you all to herself.” My heart was racing and I grit my teeth as she climbed atop and straddled me.

Yuri’s long hair obscured the surroundings as she hovered over me, her shirt hung low leaving little for imagination. She bit her lips in anticipation, her grip on my hoodie getting tighter.

“T-That’s not true-” I started.

She finally bent over me and leaned in for a hungry kiss, her moans escaping her lips, letting me know that she wanted more.

We finally parted and she licked her lips slowly, admiring the taste. I propped myself up and held the side of her face, she cupped my hand and leaned against it. She was breathing heavily, her manic eyes locked with mine as her hands trembled.

I held her waist and returned the kiss, letting her have her wish. Even reaching low to taste her neck, Yuri panted and tried to stifle her gasps, not noticing that she was sucking on my fingers.

I held both her wrists and pinned her against the door. A devilish smile grew on her lips while her eyes invited me to go further. I slipped my hand under her shirt, caressing her soft skin. Her hot breath tickled my ear as she nibbled on it while her hand grabbed a fistful of my hair.

“Y-Yuri-?” 

I stopped abruptly and shot to the source of the voice, Sayori stood at the foot of the walkway. Her cheeks flushed red and she was gripping the sling of her bag tightly to her chest.

I stepped back from Yuri as if she was on fire. “Sayori-!” 

“What are you doing here?” Yuri asked icily, slipping a strand of her hair behind her ear and putting on a haughty expression.

She flashed me a sad smile before looking towards Yuri again. “I thought you might need the company, but I guess not-”.

“Can’t you give us some privacy?” Yuri interrupted her, “You’ve had him all to yourself!”

“P-Privacy?” Sayori stammered, “Privacy isn’t the word to use when you’re busy groping each other at the front door!” She covered her mouth, as if surprised at her own outburst.

“You can’t take the hint can you? _Even after everything, he came to me. Not you._ " Yuri carefully chose her words, knowing which would hurt. “ _Maybe it would be better if you just faded away_.”

“That’s enough!” I shouted at her, I glanced at her cold eyes. _As expected, green._

Without another word, Sayori turned on her heels and ran. 

“Sayori!” I called after her, hopping over the fence gate. I turned back at Yuri and jabbed a finger at her. “I’ll deal with you later.” I picked up my shoes and ran after her, not bothering to waste time putting them on.

Yuri stood on the wet pavement, heaving and panting. Maybe she was not aware of what she did-- but she knew the damage.


	20. Sayori.

She slammed the door shut behind her, leaning against it and hyperventilating. 

She put her hand to her chest and took deep breaths, trying to count to ten. Doing whatever she taught herself if she ever had another attack. She never bothered with actual help, believing that whatever happens she can just sleep it away. After all, sleep is one way to escape reality.

Her worst nightmare was coming true, her secrets were being revealed, peeling ever so slowly for the world to see. And the boy that she regarded as a childhood friend, and deep down in her heart; more-- was the world to her.

Whatever futile attempt she tried, it felt like her heart was about to jump out her throat. The little voices in the back of her head was not so quiet anymore.

She gripped and bowed her head in frustration, letting out a cry of despair and throwing her bag to the side-- toppling a nearby lamp to the floor, shattering with a resounding crash.

She stared at the pieces, her fists curled in a tight clench. What more could go wrong? What more could turn awry? Her heart kept asking her mind-- the promises she kept telling herself that tomorrow will be better. Another day with her friends was another day worth living.

She closed her eyes and saw them again; Yuri and him. Locked close to each other, their bodies intertwined and their hands groping and touching, seeking out their satisfaction.

Without noticing, tears started streaming down her cheeks. She opened a bleary eye and wiped them away angrily, sliding down the wall, bowing her head down into her knees and continued crying softly.

The minutes felt like hours as she weeped alone when a knock on the door jolted her senses back. She stared at the door, looking at the door knob jiggle. 

“Sayori-?” A familiar voice outside called out her name. She felt a warm feeling wash over her but it was quickly dulled. A voice in her head whispered, ever so quietly. _“He’s outside. Don’t let him in, let him feel guilty.”_

Sayori’s lower lip quivered, she stood up and inched closer to the door, putting a shaking hand on the door knob. 

“Sayori, I know you’re in there.” He continued. “I’m sorry, I really am.” 

She stayed silent, half-listening to his explanation and half-tempted to just bolt open the door and run into his arms. 

“I… I don’t know how to start, none of us meant for this to happen. It’s hard to explain, but Yuri truly didn’t mean to say that.” 

Sayori stared at her own two feet, the voice in her head tugged on her ears again, _“What did she not mean to say? You heard what Yuri said. She doesn’t like you, told you to fade away. To just stop existing. To die. Teach her a lesson, make her guilty. Give her your pain. Give her what she wants.”_

She literally shook the thought away and walked away from the door, moving slowly up the stairs towards her room. Every step she took rang in her head. She had to drown the voices again, it was dangerously close this time. 

Halfway up the stairs, the voice behind the door called again. “Sayori, I know it’s not easy. But I’m not letting you go through this alone. No matter what happens, I’ll be there. _You’ll always be my dearest friend_.”

She stopped in her tracks, the words hit her like a bullet in the chest. Why was she not happy from hearing that? Why did she still feel empty? The voice in her head was still gnawing, still poking at her dark thoughts. She heard it laugh. 

She hurriedly stepped back down the steps and headed for the door. Creaking it slightly ajar, slowly revealing his midnight hair, damp from the rain and his foggy glasses that hid his hazel eyes. 

“Sayori, I-” He motioned for the door.

“No.” She said simply, holding the door and denying his entry. “ _I-I loved you._ ” 

He opened his mouth to reply but she kept going.

“I always had. But I was so scared that I wasn’t going to be enough for you-” Her voice broke as she tried to keep herself from bursting into tears.

She curled her fists, “I feel like I was being selfish, I loved you. I really did. But I feel that you being happy was worth more than what I wanted, so I wanted to see you with Yuri. And she’s right-!” Her words got caught in her throat. Her lips quivered and she looked up and smiled at him, faking it one more time. “You deserve her, she’ll take care of you far better than I had, treat you better. You’re better off this way, I promise.” 

He stood by the door, stunned and at a lost for words. “S-Sayori-”

“Don’t do this-!” She shut her eyes, trapping her tears that were swimming in her eyes. “I don’t want to say it-” She choked on her words. “I’m not- I’m not okay-” She shivered, then stopped her sentence. “It’s something that I’ve been keeping a secret. Even from you. You’re better off not knowing, p-please.”

One last smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” And with that she shut the door, unable to stomach seeing him again. Her feelings were on the verge of spilling, she could not hold it back anymore.

She ran upstairs, tears blinding her eyes. He called her name again but it was on deaf ears, she fought back her wants. Her heart crying to see him one more time. 

She finally collapsed on the bed and let out a cry, screaming until her throat went hoarse. 

_“Oh no. Sayori, what have you done?”_

Sayori shivered, in a fetal position on her bed. She wrapped herself with a blanket, crying softly and staring into blank space. Her head was filled with the voices, it was too late to drown them out. They had her.

And perhaps she wanted it. She laid in bed-- Vulnerable and letting them wash over her. 

_“Now he knows. And soon so will her, and soon everyone else. You wouldn’t want to be in anyone’s way right?”_

_“What did Yuri say?”_

She stared at her own hands and slowly brought them up to her throat. Her crying slowed a little, she will fade away tonight.


	21. See the morning.

Her words echoed in my head, repeating over and over like a fever dream. I shouted her name in frustration, throwing whatever close within my reach onto the walkway. My spat attracting some curious eyes along the street. 

I sat on the curb and clutched my head, trying to silence my anxiety. What was I doing wrong? Whatever I tried just ended up distancing myself further away from the girls.  
I gripped my head tighter, I blinked back my tears and wiped them away angrily. I was lost, and truly alone. 

But not like Sayori. I grit my teeth and sniffled. I was selfish, and I was weak. Sayori faced this alone but she was still holding a hand out for me. 

I took a deep breath and cupped my face with my hands, rubbing my temples and taking a deep breath. I stared at the ominous sky, the orange glow beginning to slowly die out, letting the darkness take the day away.

I felt numb, helpless. I was too tired to even go home next door and laid there instead. For all I cared, I could just stay here and let the coming days wash me away. 

The minutes stretched into hours, the streetlights flickered awake and blinked at me. Letting my conscience know that it was past late.

The night wind was starting to chill me down to my bones, I gripped myself tighter. My eyes felt heavy, all the past nights were starting to take a toll on me. The mist that fogged my surroundings seemed to embrace me, gently caressing my face. 

The weight on my eyes were getting heavier, I just needed to rest for a little while.

Everything was dark, I let out a sigh of relief. A rest was just what I needed. It felt peaceful, serene. Just blissful darkness, I barely realised my own breathing. I felt something holding my hand, tugging on my fingers.

My eyes slowly opened and I saw a familiar face, hovering over me and shooting me a sweet smile-- A smile that I missed sorely.

I shot upwards and looked around. I felt my heartbeat starting to pound, the alarm in my head was blaring. 

_Monika._

She sat opposite me and retracted her hand. Putting it back under her chin. I expected to see her sly smile again, but she kept with the serious face. Not saying a word, just staring at me and blinking slowly.

We were back in the clubroom, just like the nights before. Monika was still here, almost as if no time has passed.

I waited for her to say something but she kept with the silence, still staring wordlessly at me.

I pursed my lips and took the chair, settling on it anxiously and keeping my eyes on her.

“Have you made a choice?” She asked, her eyebrows raised.

I frowned at her. That was the question that she kept pushing, and as always I had no idea how to reply. “I- I don’t know.” I told her honestly.

She flashed a sad smile, then putting four papers onto the table-- before pushing one towards me.

I read it and recognised it immediately. 

“Sayori’s handwriting, what does this mean?” 

Monika shrugged and then her familiar sly smile resumed. “I don’t have to tell you anything you don’t already know.” She said simply.

I scanned the paper-- the poem was the same as before, no changes. I stared at the last sentence, _I want breakfast._

My eyes widened and I glanced at Monika, whom only smiled harder. “Made a choice yet?” She got up and walked towards the windows. “I wonder if she’ll miss the morning, let alone breakfast.”

Before I could reply, I heard a shrill scream. Piercing the ominous silence of the still room. The darkness swallowed us, the last thing I made out was her emerald eyes.

I felt like I was falling, almost for hours. Until I met the cold, wet pavement and I rolled over onto my back. My head was pounding, as if someone tried to yank my brain through my ears. 

I gasped and looked around, staring at Sayori’s locked front door. I scrambled to my feet and rushed towards it. “Sayori?” I called, but hearing only silence.

I slumped down and clenched my fists. What if I was just overreacting? My thoughts drifted to the previous moment, how I plunged the knife right next to her-

The noise I heard was terrifying, the same shrill scream before being cut off abruptly. I jolted upright. 

"Sayori?!" I yelled at the window above. I tried the door again, yanking on the knob violently. I swore and tried ramming the door with my shoulder, all while yelling her name. 

I went around the side and glanced at the window, it was my only chance. I stood in front of it and gave it a firm punch, pain shooting throughout my arm. 

I readied myself and gave it one more punch, I felt it shake. I gave it another, two more, a third. I winced in pain and looked at my bloody knuckles. I swore out loud and took a step back, the window had to be weak enough. I took a charging run and dove through the window, crashing onto the floor below with broken glass littering the floor.

Wasting no time, I flew up the stairs that led to her bedroom. Still screaming her name, but was stopped by another door. 

I swore again and hammered at the door. After giving a hard kick, it flung open. “Sayori-!” I was horrified to see what was behind it.

The fear that haunted me, that stayed at the back of my head. It crawled out and now its in front of me. Like a sick display, she was hanging from the ceiling, her feet dangling in the air inches above the ground with a kicked over stool barely higher than her bed. Her blue eyes drained of colour.

I felt my knees buckled, everything was numb. My ear was ringing and I felt my cheeks get wet as my tears trickled down.

Her lower lip quivered, and her eyes glanced over to me.

_She was still alive._

I dove under her and held her up, fighting back my tears. 

"Help.." She mouthed, gasping for air as I removed the pressure. I could not hold her weight and remove the rope at the same time. 

I glanced at the bedside table and saw a familiar purple glint-- _The knife that Yuri gave me._

I hastily snatched it with one hand while supporting her weight with the other. I reached over and cut the rope, crashing both of us onto the ground.

She collapsed on me and we laid on the bedroom floor. She was sobbing, crying into my chest. I gave her the same hug that i gave her the day before. 

I ran my hand through her hair with no strength to say a word. I cried silently along with her.

Out of the corner of my eye, the knife winked at me. And I could barely make out a figure in the minimal light. What was certain was her green.

_"2 more choices to go."_


	22. Never again.

The night melted away in a daze and the morning sun peeked behind the blinds, bathing me in a calm glow. I opened a bleary eye and felt around-- feeling her arm wrapped around me with her head still resting on my chest, rising and falling gently in tandem with my breathing.

Her cheeks were still tear-stained and the marks on her neck were faint but still obvious. Her eyes were clamped shut even in her sleep, her grip on my shoulder was tight-- her fear was obvious. I ran my hand through her messy hair and took her hand off my shoulder. I realised her nails were chipped and bloody, I stared closer at her neck; visible scratches were seen, she was clawing at her own neck.

I felt her battered hand, caressing it slowly. What transpired last night was replaying in my head, I looked up and eyed the bit of rope that still hung from the ceiling. Swaying hauntingly like a metronome.

I lifted her up softly and placed her gently on the bed. We spent the entire night on the floor, both too exhausted to move from the spot. I slowly came into the realisation that I spent a night asleep without questioning my sanity.

I ran my hand through my hair and let out a heavy sigh of relief, a good night sleep was a rare commodity for me. I felt my lips curled into a smile as I placed a pillow beneath Sayori’s head and gave her a peck on the forehead.

I made for the ceiling and pulled the bit of rope, and reached for the noose. Holding it in my hand sent shivers down my spine, _if I was only a few minutes late._

The knife still laid where I left it last night and it reminded me of my newfound ‘responsibilities’ again. I picked it up and twirled the purple blade, pursing my lips and chewing my tongue.

Monika’s voice echoed again, _“Have you made a choice?”_ I grimaced and pocketed the blade. Whatever her ‘choices’ were, none of it was important. Sayori was safe and that was all that mattered.

Atop the study table was a notebook that was hastily scribbled with nonsense. I picked it up and read the contents-- my heart sank to pit of my stomach. 

‘Get out of my head.’ Repeated like a mantra, sprawling all the way to the bottom. I flipped the pages and realised it was like this for a few more. The first few were actually poems that she wrote for the club that never continued after that fateful day while the rest were just a haunting reminder of the pain Sayori endured. 

I flipped past a few more pages and realised some were actually paragraphs, perhaps diary entries. It was until upon closer inspection that I realised it was notes-- meant for the club members. It was the same for nearly every entry; she wrote the date on the top and it was just apologies and everytime it would end abruptly-- almost as if she changed her mind.

My eyes widened as I flipped to the last entry. It was finished.

_I hope when you get to read this, you’ll be over me. I don’t want you to be hurt anymore. I’m sorry, please believe me when I say this. But I couldn’t take it anymore, I don’t see the need to carry on this lie. I’m tired of being alive or this sick reality, I really can’t see the point. Please believe me when I say that I tried._

_Yuri, I’m sorry that I got in the way, it was never my intention. I’ve always admired you. How amazing, smart and pretty you were, I can’t think of anyone else better. I’m glad he chose you. Please take care of him for me._

_Natsuki, I wish I was there for you more and I’m sorry that I didn’t see it earlier. You’re someone that I strived to be, the way you carry yourself is inspiring. You made it look easy. Please be stronger than me, I believe that you are._

_And to my best friend, thank you for the years, and I’m sorry to do this to you. I hope you’ve moved on and please don’t blame yourself. I know you will, but this is my choice and thank you for letting me go._

_I’m in a better place. Please just move on without me._

I felt my hands tremble and my teardrops fell and stained the pages, blotting the ink. I was tempted to crumple the notebook and throw it out the window.

I glanced back at Sayori. Her chest gently rising and falling in rhythm with her soft breathing. Her breathing. God, I am glad she is still breathing.

________________

The day outside felt indifferent, like nothing changed. Even though what happened last night was reality-shattering. A matter of life and death and just by a few moments, I would have been too late. 

I stared emptily at the bread that I was spreading, dragging the knife slowly. I had mixed emotions-- I felt furious that no one paid enough attention, that the world outside felt the same, that I was too blind for her own good. 

I felt sad that Sayori faced this alone and without a peep, her bright smile that I saw everyday was just a facade. And she kept at it for so long and so well that it was impossible to gauge how long she suffered.

But I was glad that she was still alive.

All of a sudden I heard a crash, followed by rapid footsteps rushing down the stairs.

I poked my head out the kitchen and peeked at the living room, spotting a distraught looking Sayori-- her expression in a panic and her eyes widened in fear. Her breathing was erratic and her lower lip trembled as she seemed to be on the verge of tears.

I walked softly behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Sayori-?” I started, clearly jolting her as she twirled and faced me. Burying her head into my chest and sobbing again. Gripping the hems of my hoodie tightly as she collapsed, resting her weight against me.

“I-I thought you weren’t here- I thought it was just another nightmare-” She howled, bawling and her struggling to get her words out. “I thought I was alone again..” Her voice finally broke, choked with her sobbing.

I pat her head softly as I slowly brought us both kneeling onto the floor. I rested my chin atop her head, “Not this time.” I whispered, gently caressing her cheek.


	23. Sunrise after nightfall.

The day melted away, I sat by the window and admired the deep orange glow of the dying light. I glanced at Sayori whom sat writing away on her notebook, the steam from the cup of cocoa dancing alongside the wind that chilled the room. 

I smiled and inched closer to her, hovering behind and peeking over her shoulder. The bandage around her fingers made it harder to grip her pen but she kept at it. I noticed she was writing another poem.

_Bottles_

_I pop off my scalp like the lid of a cookie jar._  
_It's the secret place where I keep all my dreams._  
_Little balls of sunshine, all rubbing together like a bundle of kittens_  
_I reach inside with my thumb and forefinger and pluck one out._  
_It's warm and tingly._  
_But there's no time to waste! I put it in a bottle to keep it safe._  
_And I put the bottle on the shelf with all of the other bottles._  
_Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in bottles, all in a row._

_____ _

_My collection makes me lots of friends._  
_Each bottle a starlight to make amends._  
_Sometimes my friend feels a certain way._  
_Down comes a bottle to save the day._

_Night after night, more dreams._  
_Friend after friend, more bottles._  
_Deeper and deeper my fingers go._  
_Like exploring a dark cave, discovering the secrets hiding in the nooks and crannies._  
_Digging and digging._  
_Scraping and scraping._

_I blow dust off my bottle caps._  
_It doesn't feel like time elapsed._  
_My empty shelf could use some more._  
_My friends look through my locked front door._

_Finally, all done. I open up, and in come my friends._  
_In they come, in such a hurry. Do they want my bottles that much?_  
_I frantically pull them from the shelf, one after the other._  
_Holding them out to each and every friend._  
Each and every bottle.  
_But every time I let one go, it shatters against the tile between my feet._  
_Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in shards, all over the floor._

_They were supposed to be for my friends, my friends who aren't smiling._  
_They're all shouting, pleading. Something._  
_But all I hear is echo, echo, echo, echo, echo_  
_Inside my head._

Her handwriting was jagged and messy, I saw her cup the rest of her work with her bandaged hand. 

“W-Why are you peeking-?” She asked softly, looking at me from the corner of her eye.

“Just curious.” I answered simply, crouching low to the ground that my head was level to hers. 

“It’s not nice to peek..” Sayori said softly, closing the notebook slowly.

I reached over and held her hand under the pages, cupping it and gently caressing it. “Then, is it too late to say that I read everything?”

She turned and looked at me, her eyes widened and with a shocked expression. “Why did you-?” 

“I was supposed to read it, wasn’t I?” 

Sayori said nothing and faced the floor, biting her lower lip and lowering her gaze.

“Your poems aren’t good enough. You need to try harder.” I said curtly, getting up and resting my weight atop of her.

“What-?” She reacted in confusion, then flipping the pages of her notebook. She checked her past entries but to find them ripped from the notebook, the only things remaining was her poems. 

“Why did you-?” She asked but I cut her off.

“Do what? Those poems weren’t good enough so I did you a favour. I made you one on the last page.”

_Morning_

_You glowed no matter how dark the rain clouds were.  
Like the ray of the sun, you reminded me that light will always shine._

_Glow strong, I’m sorry that I grew too blind._

_Grow strong, I’ll wait for you in the crack of dawn._

_Through rain, through thunder and lightning. Like the sun, you’ll still be there after the blowing winds.  
And I’ll be there, as sure the morning birds will always sing._

_Let’s have breakfast._

A smile grew on her lips, the warmth it carried washed deeply inside me. Something that I needed badly. 

“Hey, Sayori?”

“Yes?” She croaked from her attempt to not burst into tears.

“It’s your turn to make me cocoa.” I pointed at her now empty mug and purposely left a stain on my upper lip.

“...Meanie.”

I gave her a hug from the back, where she held my arms tightly. I buried my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. Everything felt okay for once.

_________

I lost track of the days but I hardly cared, my phone was long dead but I lost the effort to even charge it. The nights I spent with Sayori was curiously peaceful but I was content, I was not looking out for those episodes to replay again.

I coaxed her enough to move in with me instead, deciding that her room would remind her too much of what happened. Plus, it would be better if she was close to me at all times.

Sayori’s condition was improving but it was a far cry to what she usually was. She would occasionally come into a twenty-yard stare and enter a trance, but she was smiling and laughing so it was enough for me.

I would try and ask her to come outside once in awhile but seemed to be afraid of heading out. As if she was ashamed to be seen, and every few days I would have to reluctantly leave her on her own while I run various errands. She hated being a burden but just this once, I would like to be overprotective.

One day she came towards me with a letter in her hand.

“Letter from the school.” She murmured.

Of course, we have been missing since the very start of this mess. Which was to say weeks in a row.

“You have to go back.” Sayori said in an attempt to be firm, crossing her arm and pouting.

“No, I don’t.” I snorted and crumpled the envelope. “I’m either coming back with you, or not coming back at all.” 

“It’s your final year!” She gasped and shoved me in annoyance.

“Then I’ll just repeat the year.” I said simply and shrugged, then throwing the crumpled ball into the trash.

Sayori shook her head in disappointment and looked away angrily. 

“My best friend needs me. I’m sure they will understand. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

I felt a long lost familiar vibe grow in the pit of my chest, of being a big brother towards Sayori just like how it was years ago. It warmed me like a familiar fire, and I glanced at her. Her expression softened, I knew she felt the same.

I saw her smile to herself before turning around in the other direction, her hands fumbling on her hair. She was wearing her red bow again.

She will always be my dearest friend.


	24. Respite's over.

My footsteps were drowned out by the thunder, the sky storming furiously as it poured onto the streets-- Chilling the already cold night even further.

My feet slogged through the rain, the shelter doing very little for haven from the thunderstorm. Turning the corner led me to the familiar 24/7 mart, the fond memories always made it easy to visit, especially now. 

I pushed the door, the welcoming bell announced my entry. The old man looked up from his small little television and fixed on me. “A little heavy tonight, don’t you think?” He mentioned with a toothy smile. He glanced at the street outside bathed by the rain, the downpour made it so hard to see anything, I could only make out the passing cars and their lights.

“Kinda like it this way..” I murmured to myself. Picking out the snacks that Sayori wanted-- She was still too afraid to head out but was cheeky enough to ask me to fetch these things for her. I mentally ticked off all the cookies and chocolates, then made for the front and unloaded my arms onto the counter.

“How’s the girl?” He asked, scanning the food at the same time. He scratched the side of his head. “What’s her name-?”

“Sayori.” I replied coolly, warming my hands in my pockets.

“That’s it, how is she?” The old man repeated and looked at me curiously. I glanced up and met his gaze-- maybe I was being paranoid but his expression felt sour, like as if he knew the things that happened a few nights ago.

I broke eye contact and shrugged, giving a curt answer. “Always the same, hungry and lazy as ever.” I gestured at the junk food laid out on the counter.

There was a pause, the old man did not seem content with my answer. I still felt his old eyes piercing my soul, I felt like suddenly the world stopped and stared. 

Then, he broke the tension and resumed the transaction. “Happy to hear it.” With that, he shot me a smile and carried on with his little television.

Something about this sent a shiver down my spine, and it was not only due to the cold. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. A coin flung out and dropped to the floor with a clink. I reached down but something caught my eye, I stared ahead and saw something on the road.

I stood up straight and walked closer to the glass, the foggy mist of the air conditioner made it hard to see. I put a gloved hand on the glass and wiped away the fog, squinting pass the glass. A short girl with striking pink hair, she stood in the center of the street and in the middle of the rain, staring right at me.

My eyes shot wide open and I bolted for the door. I found myself on an empty road, both ends of the street were pitch black-- leading to a dark abyss. 

I frantically looked around, I was not at the same street. The rain and thunder was still pounding in my ear but there was no light, just me and the sprawling dark road.

I saw her a few metres away, still standing at the same spot. “Natsuki!” I yelled above the rain, waving my arms and trying to grab her attention. 

She still stood motionless, the heavy rain made it hard to even make out her face. I cursed under my breath and ran into the rain, intending to pull her back to shelter.

Every step I took felt warped, like I was running on a treadmill. I slowed down my pace and stared harder, spitting out the rain that was caught in my mouth. “Nat-?” 

Her pupils rolled upwards, her eyes fully white, her smile slowly forming a sickening curl. I felt my feet backing away slowly, my lower lip trembled. 

“You thought it was all over, huh? Just leave us behind, let it sort out on its own?” ‘Natsuki’ screeched, her voice piercing even the drum of the rain. With a resounding crack, at the same time the lightning flashed, her neck twisted in a gruesome angle. 

“How could you leave us?!”

In a sudden move she darted towards me, I screamed and stumbled backwards, falling onto my rear.

I gasped and looked around, realizing that I was at the curb breathing heavily and surrounded by the snacks and food; all scattered on the pavement and in the rain.

The store door opened behind me and the old man stumbled out with his walking cane, limping towards me. “What’s the matter with you, kid?” He raised his voice and tried to lift me up with his feeble hands.

“What’s the matter with me?! You were the one asking the weird questions-!” I sputtered, still shook from what happened. I blatantly ignored his hand and stared furiously at him.

The old man burrowed his eyebrows at me, grimacing and spoke slowly. _“I didn’t say a word, you were talking to yourself the whole time.”_

I opened my mouth but said nothing. I felt my heart racing, drumming loudly in my chest. I stared back at the street, behind the rain and across the road was the familiar bookstore-- I felt a guilty ripple in my stomach, I could faintly make out the familiar pink-haired girl standing outside the store door again.

_____________

“It happened again..?” Sayori asked slowly, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed and tilting her head slightly.

I nodded curtly and grimaced, trying hard not to look Sayori in the eyes. 

I sat leaning against the wall, resting my arms on my knees and hanging my head low. My hair was still damp from the rain and my previous clothes laid crumpled in a corner.

The silence fell heavily around the two of us, Sayori once again broke the silence. “If you’re getting these dreams- or whatever visions that keep popping up.. It can’t be a coincidence.” She pursed her lips and inched closer to me, expecting a response. “It must mean something.”

Again, I replied with nothing. My head was numb, just the thought of going through everything made me dread it, I wanted to run from it. But I could not leave the girls, not when I know that Monika was still after them. Whatever her motive was, the past few days was probably temporary respite for me.

“This means the girls are in danger.” Sayori added pointedly, kneeling close to me that we were eye-to-eye.

“I know they are!” I snapped at her, curling my fists tightly. “It’s just.. I’m tired.. of this-”

“Tired of what?”

I glanced up at her, I stared at her neck that was wrapped with a bandage, a memento of the ‘choice’ Monika gave me. I felt a shot of anger boil within me, what did she want? What did Monika want from all this? “I don’t want to do this anymore! I can’t-”

Sayori shot up and stomped her foot, “You were planning to leave them?! You were going to leave Yuri? What about Natsuki?” 

I looked up at her, “I-I don’t know what to do! I thought I did, _but I nearly lost you._ ” My voice shook as I tried to keep it steady. “If-If I was only a few seconds late-” My fury was doused, I slumped against the wall. A familiar feeling washed in my head, confusion, helplessness. What did Monika really want from this?

“But you weren’t.” Sayori cupped my head with her hands, her bandaged fingers felt rough against my cheeks. “You saved me.” 

Sayori’s words tugged on my heartstrings, I shivered and held her wrists as she gently wiped away my tears with her hands. “Don’t let them down. I know it’s scary but you can do this. I’ll be with you for every step, okay?” 

I looked up and met her blue eyes. Sayori was always sentimental about her friends, always making sure they were smiling. I felt the guilt ripple in my stomach again, I needed to go back.


	25. Little pink nightmare.

The howling road was devoid of life. I sat on a familiar bench, staring blankly at nothingness. My mind was a buzz of white noise, numbing my senses. My body felt akin to a marionette with its strings cut, lifeless and empty. 

I looked around at my surroundings, this road felt familiar but everything was too noisy in my head. Everything was black and white, the long winding road, the streetlights, even the stores felt like it was plastered in the background. 

A flickering light beckoned me from across the road-- I squinted at the message and shakily stood up, limping slowly and dragging my feet from concrete to asphalt. 

The light was a bookstore that sent more familiar pangs in my head, slowly turning it into a migraine. I peered inside and did not find a single soul, yet still bent on entering this specific store.

I pressed a hand on the glass and pushed, feeling a gush of cold wind blowing past my ears and chilling me. I stepped in and scanned the surroundings, something about the aisles felt haunting. Suddenly the door slammed shut behind me, removing any thoughts of backing out.

I walked past the aisles, unsure of what to look for or what was I even doing in this empty space. My pace soon slowly stopped, eying the scene before me. 

A little girl with striking pink hair, wearing a familiar sweater vest and skirt. She was kneeling on the floor with some ripped books surrounding her. I noticed the faint traces of dried blood on the pages, _it looked like they were ripped off by teeth._ I inched closer and called out for her softly, “Nat-?” 

She jolted and spun around, a look of terror written on her face. She instantly broke down into tears, bawling and gasping between her sobs. She moaned in a gurgly voice, “I-I don’t want- to- anymore-”

I darted towards her and kneeled, enveloping her tiny frame in my arms and squeezing her gently. “You don't have to. I’m here, I’m here-”

I felt her shake and even tried to struggle and for awhile she seemed to relax. I hushed her softly when all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain shoot throughout my arm and I gasped in pain.

I quickly glanced down and realised she took a large bite into my wrist. It felt white-hot and I felt her bite deeper. I howled in pain and tried to pry her off while gritting my teeth, only managing to lift her a few inches away before she continued to sob and murmured. “I’m sorry- I’m so h-hungry-”. She quickly pounced on me and sank her teeth into another part of my arm.

“Natsuki! Stop-! Get off me-” I put a hand on her forehead and pushed her off, tearing off a chunk of flesh in the process. I gasped and hissed in pain, falling backwards onto the floor. I stared in horror at the open wound, blood trickling steadily and pooling onto the floor. 

“I-I can’t stop..” She stammered, her mouth messy with my blood.

Her second pounce jolted me back into reality, the scene melted away and my own room took its place. I awoke panting and gasping for air, feeling my arms and face and trying to confirm that I was really awake. Little puffs of air formed from every sharp breath I pulled, I was covered head to toe in cold sweat that even the bed was drenched.

The nightmares always followed every night, like the wake of a terrible promise. I shivered and held my sides, trying to steady my breathing. Just then the door slowly clicked open-- Sayori poked her head in the room and gave a tiny gasp after seeing me looking visibly shaken.

She pushed the door open with her shoulder, her hands occupied with a thermos full of cocoa and a notebook. Kneeling in front of me, she handed me the bottle and stared at me intently. My hands were shaking slightly as I tried to open the cap, the room was silent except for my shivering and occasional sips.

This was slowly becoming our routine, she would try to coax me to sleep and will always be there when I inevitably wake up. It carried on for like a week and soon Sayori was losing sleep too-- waking up at the same time as I am and playing nurse. Her eye bags slightly hindered her baby blues, giving a telltale sign that she was tired. But she kept with the cheery attitude and reassuring smile, reminding me of the reason of why I even put with the nightmares. 

“Anything to note..?” Sayori finally broke the silence. She sat crossed legged on the floor, looking up into my darkened face. The notebook laid open on her lap and she twirled a cute pink pen on her fingertips.

“It’s all confusing.” I spat, bitter at the nightmare-- and at how I was treated. Like a patient. Though this was all for Sayori and the girls. I shook my head, “I kept dreaming of that.. bookstore. I-I don't know what any of it means.” 

“That’s the place where you first met Natsuki outside right?” Sayori asked while chewing the tip of her pen in thought.

I nodded slightly, my mind also racing at the significance. My eyes slowly gazed over my forearm, I grit my teeth and my heart was caught in my throat. 

“Sayori, there was something else.”

She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.

I flashed her my arm-- a deep bite mark was clearly visible, blood slowly trickled out from the wound. I clamped my eyes shut, I heard Natsuki’s voice as it lingered in my head.

_“I’m so hungry.”_

__________________

I felt compelled to go there, to the street again. There was no other reason why I would keep getting flashes and dreams of that store. 

I stared up at the gathering clouds, ominously grey and looming overhead. I leaned with my back against a lamppost, my hands deep in my pockets and trying to bundle myself from the cold. 

I did not know what I was searching for, or what I was waiting on. My mind raced as I took the opportunity of solitude and pondered. 

What happened to the girls? Where was Natsuki? How was Yuri? 

I let out a heavy sigh, a little cloud of mist formed and dissipated. I missed Yuri-- her deep purple hair and eyes that reminded me of the violet streak of a fading day, how soft her hands were and how safe and happy I felt with her. It felt like ages since I last saw her and my chest seized up just remembering it. My mind visualised her one last time, her soft lips forming a small and shy smile, then covering it away sheepishly. 

Our days were few but I treasured them, it felt like a knife caught in my side when I remembered my promise to her.

_That she would not be alone._

I clenched my fist and punched the lamppost out of frustration, shaking some snow off the light.

I bit my lower lip, trying not to fall apart in public. Giving myself a pitiful smile, I tried to walk back home. Dragging my foot on the sidewalk when something caught my eye.

A little girl walked past me, her hair was too obvious-- although a little faded.

“Natsuki-?” I called out and held her by the arm.

She winced and twirled, my eyes widened upon seeing her. The corner of her lower lip was bruised and had a small cut, her left eye was clearly swollen and she had a blooming purple patch on her brow as well. Her cheeks were gaunt and her eyes were faded and tired, a lingering green was there. She barely even fit in her own uniform anymore. 

My heart broke as I tried to string a sentence. “N-Natsuki..” I pulled her arm and felt her hand, they were bony and feeble. 

She pulled back her hand and looked up at my face, her pink eyes were returning slowly. “Is that.. Are you..?” She murmured.

I shook my head and burst into tears, “What h-happened to you..?” I croaked under my breath.

Natsuki stayed silent, she still stared at me emptily. As I stood there and became subject to her silence, I felt the guilt eat me from the inside. I did not know what to say, but just to sob softly and stare in disbelief. She looked nothing like the Natsuki from before. 

I swallowed and took her hand, pulling her away. She did not seem to react to this but just went along with me. I glanced down to see her but just to notice that she still had a sombre look.

“Where are we going..” She finally asked with a small voice. 

“Get you food.” I answered shortly, tightening my grip on her wrist.

Sleepy Cubs was just a block away from where we are, remembering how Sayori dragged me here that day which brought us all closer together. Ironic but poetic that we were coming back but in pieces.

Natsuki suddenly stopped in her tracks. “I can't-”

“I’m not giving you a choice.” I said firmly and cutting her off. I wheeled her towards the familiar roads, her silence was gut wrenching and I trembled slightly. I spared her my worrisome glances.

___________________

Natsuki said nothing, staring at the food on her lap. A paper bag full of Takoyaki; a small typical snack.

I sat beside her and stared at the numerous collecting puddles at the asphalt. Gentle sleet rested on our shoulders and I glanced at Natsuki hugging the paper bag for warmth.

I took off my hoodie and enveloped her. She felt lifeless, her expression was still blank and sombre. She gingerly held the hems of the hoodie and draped it closer to her. “Where were you?” She asked the sudden question.

I let out a sigh and bit my lower lip, trying to find the proper response.

“It’s okay if you tried to leave.” Natsuki answered for me, her eyes fixated on the paper bag.

“I didn't.” I said calmly. I stared at my gloved hands, my fingers felt numb from the cold. “Sayori tried to kill herself.” I told her bluntly.

Natsuki visibly reacted and turned to look at me. She squinted and whispered, “What did she do?”

“Rope. Tried to hang herself.” I croaked, sparing her the details. “I was just in time, but I still felt like I didn't save her fully.” 

Natsuki stayed silent and allowed me to continue. Her eyebrows still furrowed and her lips pursed.

“I felt blind, all these things she kept silent about. I only found out when it was too late.” I said bitterly, laughing dryly at my own pity.

“But now you know, right?” 

I glanced at her and realised her cracked lips formed a small smile. “You big idiot, took you long enough.” She grinned.

I looked over her shoulder and saw a figure at the end of the parking lot, he had held his phone to his ear and was clearly staring at us.

“Nat, someone’s looking at us.” I warned her, not keeping my eyes off him.

Her expression darkened and she turned to look. “Oh no,” Natsuki was clearly shaken. “No, you have to go- we have to leave.” 

I furrowed my eyebrows at her, and asked what was wrong. 

As if on cue, a black car came screeching to a stop near us. Natsuki whimpered and held my arm, almost hiding herself behind me.

I instantly knew what was happening; and I was not letting it happen again this time. I stood up in front of her and grit my teeth.

The car door opened and a middle aged man stepped out-- shabbily dressed even for the weather and his bearded face was contorted in rage. A vein pulsing at his neck and his mouth in an angry snarl.

“Natsuki!” He roared, I felt her recoil behind my back. He stormed at us but before I could even say a word his fist collided with my nose. I fell backwards with a thud, the back of my head hitting the ground hard. I looked up to see but only in time to see him kick me in the head.

_Everything was blurry._

_My ears were ringing._

_“Dad stop!”_

_Was that Natsuki?_

_I have to get up, this has to end._

_I felt another kick in my stomach, my air leaving my lungs and I keeled over coughing. Gasping for air and gritting my teeth in pain._

_I heard a car door slam, muffled cries and screaming._

My hoodie laid under the pouring rain, the paper bag with its content spilled all over the wet ground.

My eyes slowly shut, letting the pain take over.


	26. A secret.

“Wake up.” A female voice cradled my ears as I stirred, my brain bouncing off the walls of my skull. 

I opened my eyes slowly, everything was blurry as I rose from the spot. I gripped the back of my head, trying hard to stop it from spinning and pounding.

I spat out the blood that pooled in my mouth, I reached up to feel my nose and winced, it was definitely broken. 

“Hold still.” Her voice was soft and reassuring. I tried squinting my eyes at her as I felt soft hands clasp the side of my cheek and something cold dabbing on my cuts. I recoiled and hissed in pain and held her wrists before she could go any further.

I squinted harder at her face, trying to make out who was the one talking— until a sparkle of her green eyes was enough to send alarms blaring in my head. And slowly, my surroundings became more familiar but dreadful.

Monika sat expectantly in front of me, holding a damp cloth that was still dripping. A trigger in my head went off, I gripped her wrist even tightly and asked coldly, “What are you trying to do?”

“You need to get these looked at.” She replied curtly, shifting her arm and trying to wriggle free.

I grit my teeth and shook my head. “Don’t kid yourself, you’re not real. It’s not as if this will help.” I snarled at her.

She held back her arm for a split second before taking a deep breath. “I think you already know about the things I can do in here, this includes helping you.” She replied with the same intensity, clearly striking a nerve.

There was a pause as I stared at her with cold eyes. I slowly released her wrist, sighing heavily and admitting defeat.

She held my face and gently pointed it upwards, facing the light of the colours outside before continuing to treat my wounds. I sat in silence while avoiding her gaze, as if her eyes were cursed. 

“I would never hurt you.” Monika broke the tension. Her voice actually sounded concerned, even with a tinge of regret. 

I stayed silent, gritting my teeth and swallowing any reply I thought out for her. My mind was filled with questions, all yearning for an answer. I felt confused, my emotions were all twisted into a ball that took all I had to suppress them. I didn't know whether I felt angry, sad or just defeated. Natsuki slipped through my fingers, and again I lost her.

“I know you don’t trust me.” Monika’s words brought my thoughts to a screeching halt.

I took her hand and pushed it away, “Of course I don’t.” I got up and stared her down as she sat on the floor, narrowing my eyes at her. “You’re killing your own friends, don’t play the innocent game with me.” I growled, my anger slowly seeping into my words. “I don't know what the hell you're doing but it's sick. You're driving them insane, you'd kill them.”

She got up and met me eye-to-eye. “You still don’t get it, don’t you?” Monika whispered, her voice as icy as possible. 

I stared at her incredulously. Her lips slowly curled to a smile, but one of out sadness. “You’ll figure it out. You just need to make the right choices.”

“Enough of these damn choices! How do I know if I made the right one!?” I raised my voice and jabbed a finger on her chest. “Sayori nearly died! Natsuki is skin and bones and I don't even know what the hell happened to Yuri! I’m tired of hearing this, stop fucking with me!” 

The empty room seemed to shout the words back at me. Monika didn't even flinch, keeping a stoic expression. She put the damp cloth aside and motioned to cup my cheek again but I swatted her hand away.

We stared at each other for a while, my heavy breathing filling the silence. Monika still kept the same expression, waiting until my emotions subsided. 

It was clear she knew what she was dealing with. I still noticed the little things she did; not continuing the conversation until I had a clear head or the fact that she could clear away my wounds in an instant if she wanted, but instead chose a more traditional way of treatment. 

She bit her lower lip and sighed heavily. “You saved Sayori.” Monika broke the silence again, speaking in her familiar soft tone. “She made up her mind, planned everything out and gave up. Didn't she?” She asked, as if trying to confirm her suspicions. “But you stepped in and saved her life at the very last possible moment.

I blinked at her, tilting my head slightly with curiosity. “How did you know-?”

“Because she's still alive.” Monika answered matter-of-factly. “So, I guess you deserve to know a secret.” 

She walked towards her desk and sat down, resting her chin on her intertwined fingers. It was beginning to be a very familiar pose. “I know our friends very well, more than you think. They're all unique, special and maybe a little disturbed.”

I followed her to the desk, sitting in front of her. It was like Monika to use symbolism like this.

“I didn't do anything to them, they were already sick and broken. Sayori was always in denial about her depression, Natsuki’s fear of her dad made her submissive and Yuri’s anxiety made her afraid and insecure. All I did was make their sickness a little more obvious.” Monika said with a smile, almost as if it was meant to make me feel better.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “That makes no sense, why in the hell would you do that?

Monika shook her head and sighed, “Like I said, they were already-”

“And that makes it okay to make it worse? Sayori nearly died!” I reiterated, jabbing a finger on the desk.

“And you saved her.” Monika replied simply. “She was supposed to die but you made the choice to save her.”

Slowly, I pieced everything together, making sense of Monika’s sick ideology. The corners of her lips curled into a smile, as though she noticed that I was trying to understand.

“Supposed to die? What are you talking about-?”

“One of the girls will die, and I've seen how from each of them. It's just how it is, you can't change the future or the route they take.”

“One of them has to die?” I spat and furrowed my eyes. “You’re lying. Stop with this sick game, Monika.” I said coldly.

She flashed a sad smile and hung her head low, “You’re in denial. Sayori was proof, and if you still won't believe me, Yuri and Natsuki might pay the price.”

I gazed at her, seeing the flashing lights outside illuminating her brown hair. Why else would she lie? My throat felt dry, the realisation slowly sinking in. “And what about these choices?” I asked slowly.

“You already chose to save Sayori. Now you have two more choices to make.” 

“No- No! Why me?” My voice broke, looking up to meet Monika's eyes. “Why must it be me? I didn't want any of this!” 

“They didn’t either. But you made a point to be an important person in their lives. Simply put, you can either make them or break them. If I left things as the way they were, maybe Sayori wouldn't have tried to kill herself that night but what if she tried next year? Or 5 years later? What if she died alone because no one noticed?”

I fell silent, the revelation blowing waves inside me and I tried to stomach everything. My lower lip trembled as I tried to find any sort of response, maybe a way to deal with the devil. But Monika herself said that she can't change the future. One of them has to die.

I nodded silently, swallowing nervously and closed my eyes tightly. As if afraid of the response, even though this was the answer I was looking for the longest time. 

“So,” My voice broke, forcing the words out my mouth. “I’m stuck between either killing Yuri or Natsuki?”

Silence was the response, I opened my eyes and I found myself back in the parking lot. I felt my face and realised the wounds were gone, but also felt the dry streaks of my tears.


	27. Powerless.

I don’t know how long I spent sitting on the spot, losing the track of time. Idly watching the cars drive past, feeling the cold wind cling to my skin and especially the back of my neck. I held my hoodie in my hands, crumpled and still damp in some spots. Natsuki’s screams still felt raw and it lingered in my ears.

I ran my hand through my hair, brushing the sleet off and closing my eyes. Burying my face on my palms, stifling my breathing. My thoughts racing in tandem with my rapidly beating heart.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting; maybe just by staying outside, time will stop. Or maybe a solution will fall onto my lap. I wouldn’t mind not moving from the spot if it meant that the girls were safe. And for a moment I had a wishful thought that Yuri would find me here, giving me a hug and she’d tell me everything will be okay. Or maybe I'd wake up again and this was just an elaborate, long nightmare.

I felt sick in the stomach, the weight of the situation still slowly settling in. Their lives were in my hands. I slowly opened my eyes, staring at my palms. And my gaze slowly drifted to a puddle; watching the reflection-- Just a boy staring back, his glasses crooked and trying to hang onto his broken nose, his hair in a mess and his puffy bloodshot eyes was a telltale of his pathetic, helpless state. What else could I've done?

“Fuck!” I screamed into the dark sky. The empty parking lot echoing back my voice as if in mockery. Repeating my curses, throwing my hoodie as far as possible and started punching the asphalt. The pain shot throughout my arm but I kept going, yelling the same string of swears after every punch until I collapsed in a heap. Keeling over and heaving, my forehead touching the damp ground and still muttering swears. The thin skin surrounding my knuckles ripped away and I held it close to my stomach, leaving bloodstains on my shirt.

“I don’t- I don’t want this..” I whispered to myself, choking on my sobs. I was tired, cursing the sky, myself and even Monika. I just wanted it all to be over. 

I felt rapid footsteps rushing towards me, only sparing a glance before I felt arms enveloping me. The smell of cinnamon filled my nose, and I recognised her coral pink hair and red bow. 

I sat on my knees, still numb and hearing her sob lightly. I returned the hug, holding her tightly and resting my weight on her. Gripping the back of her shirt and crying into her shoulder.

“I’m here.” Sayori whispered, running her hand through my hair and resting her cheek on the top of my head. “I’m here, don’t worry.” 

I felt like a child, a lost kid who just found his parents. I clinged onto her as if I was gonna fall through the ground. I bawled harder, Sayori didn't move or said anything, letting me hold on to her. Her chest felt warm, I felt safe and comfortable. It was a moment of weakness but I left all sense of decorum, I was desperate for anything.

She held my hand and pulled out of the hug. Leaning closely to whisper. “Let’s go somewhere else.” Sayori smiled curtly. Her misty blue eyes calmed me and I accepted her hand.

___________________________________

I followed Sayori, like a stray dog tailing someone meekly from behind. I eyed her light blue parka, recognising it to be mine as she probably pulled it out from my own closet. Her worn out jeans ending in folds seemed to suggest she hastily put on whatever she found and left the house. 

We came to a bridge and she stopped in the middle. She climbed over and sat on the edge, dangling her feet above the water. I motioned and followed her up the ledge, staring at the water. The lampposts shimmering and reflecting, giving it a beautiful subtle glow. The moon waned just above our heads, bathing us both in a calming light.

“I always come here, whenever you're not around.” Sayori commented, staring wistfully at the moon. “It doesn't help take away my problems but I feel relaxed.”

I stared at her face, her bandaged neck and fingers. And her crooked smile, her blue eyes reflecting off the moonlight. “I don't know, is that considered stupid? Or childish?” Sayori glanced back at me. 

I smiled curtly, “You wouldn't be you if it wasn't.” I joked. Sayori seemed content with that answer, opting for a soft giggle as a response. 

We didn't spoke another word, staring at the still waters.

“I- I found Natsuki.” I started, taking a deep breath. Sayori glanced at me from the corner of her eye, hearing her friend’s name obviously peaked her interest. 

I told her everything, Natsuki's state — being skin and bones, her bruised face, and her dad. And what he did. Up to the sickening part of her screams before I blacked out. I felt ashamed to say it, to show Sayori I failed again. I cupped my hands, feeling the wound on my knuckles. 

Sayori became silent, she bit and pursed her lips. She swallowed and hung her head low, shaking it slowly. I noticed her tears rolling down her cheeks and I stopped talking. Whatever she felt, she probably feels the same amount of pain that I do. Her lack of power was probably eating her away on the inside, just the same for me. That's what we were right then; powerless.

I gave her a one-arm squeeze and she leaned her head on my shoulder. It seemed like every single step I took in trying, it just made everything worse. I traced my hands on her bandaged neck, a terrible memento of the twisted fate we found ourselves in.

My words were snagged in my throat, I held off the last bit of Monika’s truth. My lips felt dry, remembering that I had to choose between Natsuki or Yuri. I glanced down at my childhood friend who was softly weeping, her hands curled into a fist and clutching the front of her parka. 

I knew her well enough to know that if I revealed her the truth, she would take matters in her own hands. She would be more than willing to sacrifice herself. I kissed the top of her head, smelling her hair. 

Thoughts danced in my head, and I found a glaring question to replace the others. Who deserved it more? Who deserved to live? I placed them all side by side; Yuri, Natsuki and Sayori. I remembered seeing Sayori hanging, her blue eyes nearly drained of colour and milky white. Her raspy voice asking for help, her hands that were scratching at the rope and her bloodied fingertips as she reached out for my hand. Maybe she changed her mind at the last minute. Or maybe it was purely survival instinct. Maybe Monika was right and that her seeing me at her final moments was enough to change her mind.

The question remained. Who will I save, and would I be able to see it again, till the end.


	28. Amethyst.

I laid awake, letting the thunder roaring outside serve as white noise while my soul searched for comfort. The sound of rain drumming against the window has been going on for some time now and I had no idea when I came awake, let alone was sure if I even slept at all. I slid off the bed and motioned for the window, staring out at the street. The lamplights illuminating the rain, the ground steaming as the water pooled in pockets of the cracks.

I looked back at the bed and watched Sayori fast asleep, holding a pillow close to her chest and her mouth slightly open, her snores still audible even above the harsh weather. Absentmindedly, I reached for the school bag that hasn't been touched in weeks and pulled out the familiar knife. 

The purple knife glistened in the minimal light, this blade has met too many situations; it was used to trace Yuri’s skin, leaving marks that dug deep. Even fondly regarded as one of her favourite knives. And just a few weeks ago it was used to save a life. I felt the tip of the blade and pressed it harder, feeling the blade sink into my fingers. A sickening curiosity sparked as I tried to wonder what Yuri felt when its purple fangs sank deep under her skin.

Maybe it was better for me to ask that herself.

“Did you just wake up?” A voice in the back of the room knocked me back into reality. I turned to see Sayori sitting up and curled up in her blanket, staring at me with her head tilted slightly, sniffling every now and then from the cold.

I clicked the blade back into its harmless state and sat on the ledge, leaning against the window while the rain grew louder by my ear.

“I couldn't sleep.” I shot Sayori half a smile and twirled the knife in between my fingers.

Sayori rubbed her eyes adorably, still dazed from waking up. “Hmm, thinking about Yuri?” She squeaked, noticing the knife in my hands.

“I uh.. I don’t know.” I shrugged, staring at the ceiling. Visualizing my thoughts floating by and gone, and I picked one of them by random. The violet girl was still very much prevalent in my head. “I guess I was thinking about Yuri.” I admitted.

Sayori remained silent, as expected. It was too dark but I was sure of the forlorn expression she wore; darker than the skies outside. Her wounds on her neck and fingers might be covered and healing but I was sure Yuri's words still cut her deeper.

“Well, you should be.” Sayori finally replied and in between her sniffling. She rested her back on the wall and also joined me to stare at the ceiling, her voice falling to a whisper. “It’s unfair for Yuri, she’s probably still waiting for you.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Well, you’re still her boyfriend, aren’t you?” She shrugged. “Imagine what she's feeling; you suddenly up and vanishing. Poor Yuri.” I glanced at Sayori, watching her entertain the thoughts in her head instead. Hearing those words made me utter a dry laugh, such an immature term to coin our relationship. Especially from recent events, I felt like I’ve aged at least twenty years.

For once, I wanted to feel like I wasn't killing anyone.

“As much as I'd like to accompany you, I think this is something you should go through alone.” Sayori said grimly, she turned and curled up in her blanket. “I'd just make it worse.” Her last words muffled from under the covers.

I stared at her, in the subject of immaturity, Sayori has gone a long way. To think this was the same person that was dancing around me, filling the room with light and joy and always with a bright smile— Now reduced to a sombre person, her light fell dim and in stark contrast to her past. 

Maybe I should've realised sooner, but the rainclouds never really left. The rolling thunder outside served as a good reminder.

____________________________

The morning passed but the snow decided to stay, still falling ever so slowly. I stepped out and drew a deep breath from the cold air, looking at the dim sky, finding the ray of light struggling to pierce the clouds.

“Say hi to her for me.” Sayori called out from the open door, holding a steaming cup with both hands and wearing a small smile. 

I nodded somberly, pursing my lips. “Y’know, you could still follow me.” 

Sayori gave a small smile and shook her head. She gingerly stepped out into the cold, her pyjamas doing very little for warmth and all she had was a scarf around her neck.

I couldn’t fake it, a part of me was wondering was it really a good idea to find Yuri? I wanted Sayori to accompany me, deep down I know I felt comfortable and safe with her around.

“I’ve made up my mind, and you-” She jabbed a finger on my chest. “-Are hesitating.” Sayori crossed her arms and said disapprovingly, as if she read my mind.

“I was just thinking..” I broke eye contact and strayed to the side. Monika’s words stuck with me; Sayori is depressed. Natsuki is submissive. And Yuri was insecure, constantly in a state of anxiety. And more importantly she was alone the entire time, what was her state? I remembered her wrists, every inch covered in scars.

I narrowed my eyes at Sayori who was still staring at me with her furrowed eyebrows, her bandaged neck was slightly visible from behind her scarf. 

I took a glance at my hands, eyeing the wounds on my knuckles and feeling my broken nose.

Monika’s little game dealt a number on all of us, none of us were really unscathed from any of this.  
____________________________

I walked past a familiar fence, remembering my first kiss with Yuri here. Her confession, and our rush to find Natsuki. It all seemed like years ago.

I shook my head, steeling myself and pushing forward. Why was I so afraid of seeing Yuri? Was it guilt? Shame? While my mind was wondering the possibilities, I heard what felt like footsteps closely shadowing me.

I was sure whatever devil was watching me this time, it was laughing in its irony. “Okay, Monika. What else do you have in mind?” I muttered, throwing myself to the wind.

I cursed under my breath, breathing heavily and not from the cold. I had half a mind to just turn around and walk away and try another day.

I tried to shove the burden of the choices into the furthest reaches of my mind. I wanted to make something clear for myself; I wanted to see Yuri again. And I won't care what else would happen to me.

I slowly stopped in my tracks and noticed the footsteps behind me followed suit as well. I fell silent, refusing to turn around. “What are you doing here..?” A small voice whispered like the wind, breaking the silence. My eyes widened upon hearing the familiar sound.

I turned and I was face to face with the amethyst that I fell in love with. Her purple eyes locked with mine in disbelief, her lips were quivering, struggling to form any further words.

She was wearing a thick cream-coloured coat with a pretty black scarf around her neck. The boots were inches deep in the snow and her gloved hands were clutching onto several plastic bags filled with various groceries— which she dropped, spilling onto the snow.


	29. Chilly Weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! There's some **NSFW** in this lil chapter so please be warned, thank you for reading! :D

Yuri led me to her room, and I was silently following her. Sayori's words rang in my head, ”Imagine what she's feeling; you suddenly up and vanishing.”

She opened the door and the familiar scent of jasmine filled my nose. The tension hung in the air and Yuri hadn't spoke a word. What was she thinking? What was she feeling— despise? Anger?

I leaned by the doorway of her room, keeping my profile small and my eyes glued on the back of her head. She removed her thick coat, revealing her curvy figure clinging onto her familiar long sleeved shirt. 

Yuri whispered without even turning to face me, “Do you want to.. Sleep together?” I could feel her face growing red hot as she reached for the ends of her hair and started fiddling with it. “The weather seems chilly, and I'm sure Sayori won't mind if you came home a little later.”

I stepped away from the doorway and into the room, dropping my bag at a corner and also taking off my jacket. “Sure, I'd like that.” I tried to smile but she still stood with her back turned.

Yuri finally moved from the spot and motioned for her bed, picking the side by the window and slipped under the blanket— without uttering another word. She was still adamant on not showing her face.

I pursed my lips and gingerly crawled into bed next to her, a few inches away from her back. Her deep purple hair ran down her shoulders and smelt sweetly of her signature jasmine scent. 

I slowly wrapped my arm around her waist and carefully slid closer to her back, pressing my lower body against hers. 

I felt her shift slightly under the cover, her feet clashing against mine.

“Are you okay with this?” I asked sheepishly.

“Yes, could you.. Put your other arm around me.” 

Yuri raised herself slightly, letting me slip my arm under her. She squeezed my hand and pressed it against her soft chest, my hand sinking a little into her breasts.

“Why won't you let me see you?” I finally asked, curiosity slipping off my lips.

Yuri didn't reply immediately, her only response was to squeeze my hand tighter. “I'm ashamed.” She finally answered. “I couldn't even protect Natsuki properly.. And the things I've said to Sayori.” She took a deep breath and shuddered. “It was.. Expected that you never came back.”

I slid closer to her, kissing the nape of her neck and whispering. “I'm here now.” 

She squeezed my hand again, I felt the unmistakable droplets of tears on our hands. I responded by holding her closer to me, my arm around her waist pulled her in and I buried my face on the back of her shoulders.

We didn't speak another word, slowly my eyes became heavy. Yuri's scent lulled the rest of me to sleep and soon everything became still.

__________________

“Made up your mind yet?”

My eyes shot open, I was dreading this, but was expecting it anyways. I lifted my head off the desk and was greeted by a Monika eyeing me with a discontent look on her face.

I let off a deep sigh, “Can't you leave me alone for just a moment?” 

Monika scoffed, “Getting used to it, aren't we?” She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “I take it that Yuri is off the table?” 

“What are you talking about?” I squinted at her.

“I don't think you'd choose your own girlfriend, right?” Monika shrugged. “It has to be Natsuki. Or maybe even Sayori-”

“I think you better stop talking.” I said icily, rubbing my face and muffling my words. I took a deep breath. “This isn't as easy as it looks. You're making me choose between their lives as if it's just some sick poker game!”

“Then maybe, you should stop being so close with them.” Monika said simply, raising her hand matter-of-factly. “It'll make choosing much more easier, right? Makes letting go much less painful too.”

“How do you feel then? Cutting off all ties, what were they to you?” I challenged her, raising my head and crossing my arms.

“They didn't even mention me at all, did they?” She answered in a quiet voice. “Only once or twice. So you tell me, what was I to them?”

“You were their best friend, Monika. More than just a simple president in a dumb club-”

“And they've already forgotten all about me! I wanted to save them too, but no matter what I did, one of them has to die. I had no idea what to do, and then you came along and suddenly now you're their best friend!” Monika spat, raising her voice. Making the walls in the small clubroom shake again.

“So I'm just making the choice so you don't have to?”

“No, you're doing it because you'd make a better choice than I did.”

I furrowed my brows, and stared into Monika’s green eyes. It glistened, as if she was holding back tears.

“Go back.” She muttered, and I felt darkness engulfing me, 

“Wait, Monika!” I tried to struggle, but I woke up with a jolt. I shot my eyes open, I was back in Yuri's room with my arms still clasped around her. Her soft snores filling the room's silence, I could feel her hot breath on my hand which she held close to her cheek.

My breathing was unsteady, I needed some fresh air, drink some water or wash my face. I swore under my breath and tried to wriggle my hand from under Yuri. 

Gingerly, I slipped from under her and got up slowly. Sparing a glance back, seeing her fast asleep. I slipped a strand of her hair behind her ear and leaned in for a peck on the cheek.

I slid off the bed and made for the door when I heard something rustling behind me. “Where are you going?” A voice called, as icy as possible.

I turned and Yuri was sitting upright, holding her knees close to her chest. Her head bowed and I could make out her brows frowning hard.

“Where-? I'm just getting a drink-”

“Where are you going?” Yuri repeated. She looked up to meet my eyes, her lips quivering and a look of anger on her face. 

I stared back into her eyes, feeling a sense of unease. I inched closer to her around the side of the bed, “Yuri, what's wrong-?” I reached out for her face but she caught my wrist.

“Where.. Where are you going?” She spoke behind her gritted teeth. “You.. You won't come back, they never do.” Yuri broke eye contact with me and stared down at her thighs. “Why do people keep leaving me!?” She yelled, gripping my wrist even tighter.

“I love you. Natsuki, Sayori, your parents. Yuri, they love you. Nothing will change that.”

She fell silent for awhile, sobbing softly and slowly letting go of my wrist. She then looked up to meet my eyes again, “Where are you going?” 

“I'm not going anywhere.”

Without missing a beat, she hung her arms around my neck. Burying her face into my chest. I heard her muffled soft sobs and I slowly set her back onto the bed.

“I-I thought you were gone..” Yuri struggled to try to get her words out. “I thought y-you hated me.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist, whispering into her neck. “I’ve missed you, Yuri.” Resting my head onto her chest, her breasts cushioning me. “I'm so sorry for leaving you.”

She heaved and tried to get her words out but gave up. I looked up and gazed into her teary purple eyes, cupping her cheeks with both my hands and using my thumbs to wipe away her tears.

“But I'm here now.”

Our eyes locked together for a few seconds, as I stared into her gems I could feel her warm breath inching closer to my lips. 

We barely touched, breathing each other's air. I could feel blood buzzing in my ears, my heartbeat starting to speed up. My hands slowly slipped from her cheeks to her waist, feeling her soft skin under her shirt and raking through her hair, before she finally pressed her lips against mine.

I felt her sucking my lower lip into her mouth, swirling our tongues together. My hands started to reach for more, feeling every inch of her. Slowly pressing her down onto the bed, I hung over her with her legs straddling my hips.

I retracted my lips from her, watching her taking deep breaths raggedly. Her lips slick with saliva and her hands fell limply as I pinned her wrists. 

I was dizzy with arousal, but there was only one thing in my mind— I wanted more of Yuri. I hiked up her shirt, seeing her voluptuous breasts kept behind a lacy black bra. But along with the scars than ran down her wrists, I kissed them softly and held her palms.

I leaned down and traced her neck with my lips, down to the collarbone. Sucking the skin and working down her sweat-covered body. 

Yuri threw her head back into her pillows as a response, taking off the remainder of her shirt and clenching a handful of my hair. I caressed her breasts from under her bra and pulled at it to finally reveal them. 

Her nipples were already erect as I played with them, pinching and pulling. Even wrapping my mouth and sucking on them, Yuri tried to stifle her gasps with her hands but her body was reacting for her— fidgeting and shifting her hips, her nails digging the back of my neck.

Slowly, I came to her hip. I looked up at her to see her biting her lip in anticipation and her dazed eyes. I grinned and peeled her last piece of clothing away, seeing strands of her wetness clinging onto her panties.

Yuri whimpered, attempting to hide herself with her hands and legs. That's when I realised her scars didn't stop at her wrists but even down to her thighs.

“It's okay, I'll be gentle.” I purred, pulling her hand away and caressing her scars.

She nodded and revealed her clit, still slick with her juices. I took two fingers and slowly stroked the lips, maintaining eye contact with Yuri as her breathing got more heavy. Every now and then a moan would escape her lips, hungry for more, I leaned for another kiss. 

She returned with the same fervour, pressing our lips together, licking her teeth and sucking her tongue. I took the opportunity and inserted my fingers into her. Feeling her warmth, tightening and her supple body react to the gesture. 

I started to finger her slowly. Feeling my hand get wet and I pressed for more, speeding up slightly. Her moaning getting louder and louder until finally she gasped, “Wait… Wait-” 

I stopped kissing her and leaned back, watching her compose herself. Even her fingers absentmindedly went to her clit, trying to pleasure herself still. I gave a sly smile and went down again, moving her hand out of the way.

“What are.. You-?” Yuri whimpered but her voice melted away.

I held her by the hips as I leaned in closer to her slit, I parted the lips with my fingers gingerly. Until finally, I delved my tongue into her fleshy pink rose, lapping up her juices.

My tongue flicking and sliding in and out of her, listening closely for her moans and gasps. I inserted my fingers into her while sucking on her clit, and it seemingly set her off. Her hips rose, her moans slowly turning into small whispers of swears and my name. 

I stared at her as her lower body shook and her breasts rose and fell in tandem with her rapid breathing.

“Take it.. Off.” She commanded from behind her ragged breathing.

She tried to get up but her thighs began to wobble, and she collapsed in a heap atop of me. While she was there, she leaned again for a hungry kiss while her fingers fumbling with the zip of my jeans.

“Woah, Yuri, hang on-” 

She finally managed to unhook my pants and pulled them down immediately, not wasting any time to get the thing inside them. 

“My turn..” Yuri breathed, wrapping her cold hands around my dick. Her thumb playfully rubbing the head and stroking the shaft.

I was stunned from the sudden reversal of roles. She straddled herself properly atop of me, using both hands to stroke me gently. Yuri then leaned lower until she was level, and enveloping my dick with her breasts.

She squished her breasts together and I felt her hot breath on the head. The feeling was euphoric and I noticed that Yuri kept her eyes on me, her amethyst eyes sending waves inside me and she finally dipped her tongue in the slit, slowly taking the entire thing into her mouth.

Her cheeks hollowed and I felt her tongue swirling around. “Yuri-!” I started and she released it with a ‘popping’ noise. Her lips were reddened and slick with saliva, several strands hung on from her mouth to my tip. She stuck her tongue out and licked the shaft from the bottom to the top. 

I felt it throb in her hands, she noticed it too and she stopped. Yuri got on her knees and sat over me, holding my dick upright below her. 

I met her eyes and I whispered, “Yuri, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.” She breathed, her eyes maddened with anticipation. 

“We’ll take it slow, okay?” And I held her hand, while my other gingerly touched her clit. 

Yuri bit her lips, slowly sinking herself down into my dick. She winced in pain, gasping and hissing behind gritted teeth. Gingerly, she kept going lower and lower, until my cock was completely inside her. She began to pant rapidly, her hands gripping me more tightly.

“Are you okay?” 

“It.. Hurts a little.” Yuri replied, her ragged breathing steadied slowly. She took my hand and cupped it on her breast. “I've wanted this.. For a long time.” She admitted, her neck and cheeks flushing red.

I felt her heart throb from her breast, and I could feel my pulse inside her, syncing up nearly perfectly. 

“You can move now…” Yuri purred. 

I held her hips and lifted it up, revealing a little bit of my dick before thrusting it slowly back in. 

Yuri’s sharp exhale made me pause but her smile invited me to go on, so I tried again. 

And again. And again.

A rhythm was paced, slowly I felt my hips melt away, I enjoyed every bit of her— her body that was coated with a thin sheen of sweat and her attempts to bite back her moans. Her back was arched and slowly even she was moving on her own, her fingers reached down and she started stimulating herself. 

I pulled Yuri down towards me as I held her, kissing her again, tasting the saltiness of her sweat, feeling as if I was one with her. Being inside her.

Slowly, I felt myself dissolving into waves of pleasure, the rhythm was lost as I could feel myself coming.

“Y-Yuri-” I gasped. 

She slipped off and collapsed on me, I felt myself dizzy and tired. My rapid, heavy breathing in tandem with Yuri’s. She propped herself up gingerly and stared into my eyes. 

We both breathed an exhausted laugh, feeling satisfied and spent. She rested her head atop my chest, feeling her soft breasts rub against me.

“That was.. Dangerous.” Yuri murmured.

“Yeah.” I raked her hair again, kissing the top of her head. We lied like this for awhile, I slowly closed my eyes. Again, letting the jasmine scent take me away.


	30. Yuri.

Everything was bleak. Black and white, just grey and still. Her eyes refused to make out colours as she stared into nothingness, her breathing in sync with her companion in bed, being the only noise in the still room.

She lay awake on her bed, still in the arms of her lover but it felt like thorns that dug deep inside her, ensnaring her like a trap. Even in his company, she still felt the incessant gnawing inside the pit of her chest. She thought that if she held him close, her nightmares wouldn't come alive. 

How wrong she was.

Her thoughts filled her with doubts and unease, prodding at her weaknesses. The demons rang her bells, demanding her attention. She could feel them encroaching her head in the darkness, her eyes darting to the dark corners of the room but unable to move an inch.

_“Oh dear, oh dear. Yuri, look what you've done. You actually showed him your filthy, disgusting body. All those nasty scars, just laid out for him to see. What were you thinking?”_

Yuri’s breathing started to pick up, they were back and she could feel them. Fear slowly seeped into her chest, tightening and freezing her blood as she sank closer to her lover’s side.

She glanced over at her partner— his eyes closed in a deep sleep while the messy raven hair barely covered his brows. She was close enough to feel his warm breath coming from his unfortunate crooked nose.

“He loves me.” Yuri said quietly, to no one in particular. Her voice barely a whisper, though she tried her best to sound firm.

_“You honestly believe that? Or did he just say because he really wanted to fuck you?”_

Yuri bit her lower lip, the disembodied voice's icy laughter sent shivers down her spine. She shivered and sought for warmth— feeling his palm, tracing his wrists, crawling up his arms and slowly caressing his cheek. “I believe him.” She replied softly, but her voice was starting to sound shaky.

_“Naive. Guillable. You'd believe anything, won't you? Anything for just a little attention.”_

Yuri rose slowly, feeling the cold floor stinging her bare feet. She stood by the bed while the icy wind from the window embraced her cold body. She watched him sleep, standing motionless and mentally counting the amount of times he took a breath.

“What.. What do you want from me..?” Yuri asked under her breath while her eyes slowly shifted to the mass of emerald eyes in the dark corners of her room. They watched her from every angle, multiple eyes gazing into her soul.

The voices were silent this time, but she didn't need a response. Yuri walked gingerly to the front of the window, letting the moonlight bath her. She glanced down at her hand, her fingers were already clenched on a familiar purple knife that she hasn't seen in months. 

Without hesitation, she drove the blade into her wrist, piercing her skin and digging into her flesh. Her hands shook but she kept going, slow and deep— as if she was savouring every moment. She heard the sound of her blood dripping onto the floor, feeling the sting of the cold wind kissing her wound. Her arms begged to stop but she kept tracing and tracing. Slowly it went from cutting to digging, and the blood flowed down to her fingertips freely instead of trickling.

Soon she was done, she held up her arm against the minimal light— admiring her handiwork. Her lips trembled and she felt her cheeks get wet with her tears. Yuri turned to see him one last time, smiling in relief that he was still asleep.

She limped towards her bathroom door, her vision was blurred and she felt numb. It was too much and she knew, she just wanted to hide herself.

_“Go and hide again. Hide your embarrassment. Your shame. He won't notice you're gone.”_

She slowly closed the door behind her, gently locking it as softly as possible. The room was bathed in darkness, only a small window of moonlight offered her company. Yuri looked down and realised the trail she left behind, she limped towards the sink and attempted to wash herself. Her empty gaze caught the mirror.

Her deep purple hair was unkempt and flowed down to her hip. It fell forwards as well, covering her pale and gaunt face, her lips were cracked and dry as she gingerly touched them. She stared into her own eyes, trying to find purple but could only find green.

_“Silly, silly Yuri. Did you really think they were your friends? That you found love? Where were they now? I'm sure Sayori is just dying to see you again. They're embarrassed to be around you. Ashamed. Disgusted.”_

Yuri gripped the sides of the sink, her knuckles grew white and she felt tears dripped onto her bloodstained skin.

_“You're pathetic. Worthless. Just a sad excuse for a person. I'm the only one you have. The only one you need. They hate you.”_

The laughter rang again, and Yuri screamed. Throwing everything off the shelves, gripping her head and pulling at her hair. Her screaming became crying, her voice bouncing off the walls of the small bathroom.

Yuri dropped to her knees, sobbing and gasping for air. Her gaze fell onto her knife again, glistening in the moonlight. She pulled herself towards it and gingerly picked it up, eyeing it from every angle like a jeweller inspecting a gem. 

She closed her eyes and held the blade close to her breast, the cold blade resting against her beating chest. Yuri crawled into the bathtub and turned the water on, wincing in pain as it splashed against her thighs and wrists. But soon the pain won’t matter. She leaned against the wall of the tub, eyeing the blade wistfully.

Soon nothing will matter.


	31. Had to be said.

I jolted awake, sitting upright and started gasping for air. My teeth chattered as I shivered slightly from the cold wind, noticing that my covers were pulled off and my body was slick with cold sweat. 

I could've sworn I heard a shrill scream, the blood-curdling noise that still hung faintly in the room. I scanned my surroundings, everything felt hauntingly quiet, like time itself stopped at this exact moment.

I took a deep breath, composing myself. It was just a nightmare, nothing more.

My gaze fell to my left, noticing the empty side of the bed. Yuri was probably already awake. I glanced at the open window— the sky had turned violet, telling me that the sun was barely rising. 

I rose to my feet and reached out for the pile of clothes that was thrown haphazardly onto the floor from last night. I noticed that Yuri's clothes were in the mix when I untangled her lacy bra off my shirt. I felt a small grin crawled on my face but was quickly wiped by a frown. A thought crossed my mind— if she was already awake, why would her clothes still be on the floor? 

I stepped to the left side of the bed and noticed crimson on the floor, trailing towards the bathroom. I kneeled and dipped a finger into the small puddle, I felt the obvious viscosity and felt my lips turned dry. 

I followed the trail to the door and pressed an ear against it— all I heard was the sound of rushing water. I raised a fist and cleared my throat. ”Yuri? Is everything okay in there?” I knocked on it gently, with an even softer tone.

I heard nothing in response, just the sound of water gushing in full blast. I wondered about the blood, and hesitated. I thought about sparing her the embarrassment and ignoring it altogether when I felt something wet splashing against my feet.

My eyes widened in surprise, water streamed steadily from under the toilet door. “Yuri?” I started jiggling the knob. “Is everything alright in there?” I loudly knocked the door, calling her name at the same time. 

My eyebrows furrowed, weighing my options. I turned and scanned the room again, instincts kicked in and I immediately sought to check my bag but it was already on the floor with its contents spilled out— the knife was missing.

I threw the bag into the corner of the room, panic starting to rise deep inside of me. I kept swearing under my breath.

I rushed towards the door and banged on it, “Yuri!? Yuri, are you in there?” My heart started to race, my brain was in full flight, terror starting to grip my senses.

“Answer me!” I bashed against the door, ramming with my shoulder. “Yuri-!” 

_“What am I to you?”_

I froze and my eyes widened. My hands slackened from the knob and I took a step back. “What-?” 

_“Will you tell me the truth?”_

Yuri's voice came through the door, she was whispering but it was loud. It felt like she was in my head. Her voice was soft but it was laced with venom, almost making my blood run cold as ice. Her whispers seemed to echo off the walls and I felt my feet take another two steps back away from the door.

_“When I first saw you came through those doors, I was frozen. My heart kept racing whenever you were around, I just knew I had to have you. I had to get closer to you.”_

Now my brain was sending alarms, the terror that I felt was now screaming. My ears were flushed with blood buzzing in my ear, my breathing was unsteady and uncontrolled. 

_“Do you hate me? Answer me.”_ She demanded.

I mustered what courage I had left and replied curtly. “I don't.” I tried to free myself from fear's grip, ignoring the sirens blaring in my head and clenching my fists.

_“More lies.You're lying again. Just like everyone else.”_

I heard the lock unclick and the door swung open. Steam poured through and fogged the room, Yuri stood at the mouth of the door. She was naked and drenched, her deep purple hair clung to her skin and covered part of her gaunt and pale face. I grit my teeth when I noticed her wounds, it was still new and the blood trickling from them mixed with the water that dripped from her fingertips. 

Her hand was still gripped onto the familiar knife, her slender fingers trembled but her knuckles were white.

_“They told me everything. Like how you all faked to be happy with me, when in reality I was just unbearable. Not even fit to be in the same room. You were just tolerating me.”_

Her tone was laced with anger, her lips contorted in a snarl. 

_“But I-I loved all of you. Even though if y-you were all faking it, I appreciated it.”_

And suddenly she was back to her soft voice— I stared into her eyes, they were darting everywhere. Her lips trembled and she talked again, her free hand gripping her shoulder and she squeezed.

_“But that's what they were, right!? Fake, lies, you were all lying!”_

Yuri screamed, taking a step forward. I noticed that she limped, her thighs were covered in scars as well. Blood was still steadily trickling and mixing in the pool at her feet.

I took a step forward but still maintaining a distance from her. “You know that's not true-”

_“You made me feel things that I never f-felt before. You are always on my mind, sometimes I forget to even breathe when I think of y-you.”_

_“I touch myself when I think of you. And whenever I feel the cold blade enter my skin, you are always on my mind. I want more of you. I. Need. More of you.”_

She took another step forward, her hand holding the knife twitched. I steeled myself, not moving a step back. Keeping my eyes glued on her eye that was still darting uncontrollably. It was emerald green.

_“N-No.”_ Yuri whimpered, she hung her head and put both her hands up to her face.

_“I love you. I love you so much that I want to cut you open and get inside of you. I want to feel more of you, I need you in me-”_

_“S-Stop.”_ She was starting to cry, her tears trickling down her cheeks and she started to grip her head, grabbing a fistful of her hair and she was beginning to pant heavily.

Another step forward and she was standing in front of me. I stared at her face, slipping the part of her hair that was covering her other eye behind her ear. The color was still the splitting image of the violet sky.

Yuri's eyes locked with mine, left emerald, right amethyst. They looked as if they glowed in the dark. Her lips trembled and she whispered behind her sobs.

_“It f-feels like I'm drowning. I don't want this.. It's like I'm s-suffocating and I can't breathe. I'm s-scared- I'm very scared-”_

She stretched a bloodied hand and cupped my cheek, her thumb grazing my lips and I tasted the faint bitter taste of blood.

_“They tried to keep you away from me. I know you love Sayori more than me, I'm glad she's gone.”_

Yuri snarled, and again she whimpered. She took several deep breaths, like she was biting back her bursts. She shook one last time and her eyes met mine. A sickening smile curled onto her lips.

_“I want to be together forever. We are never. Going. To. Part.”_

_“N-No-!”_

With a sudden motion she brandished her knife, the steel flashed from the corner of my eyes and everything slowed down. Everything was in slow motion. 

I expected pain, bracing myself for a deep cut. But the knife wasn’t pointed towards me but to herself— to her left eye. 

“Yuri-!”

We both were struggling onto the floor— I straddled her and I felt the sharp pain pulsing from my arm. I gripped the blade with my hand to stop herself, I clenched my teeth in pain but nothing else mattered. I was not going to lose Yuri either. 

She was still struggling to free her knife, using both her hands to push it closer to her eye. 

_“P-Please!”_ Yuri begged but paused when she felt drops falling onto her face.

She glanced at the blade and noticed my wounded hand, trembling at the tight grip of the blade. I hissed from behind gritted teeth, gasping from the pain. 

More blood trickled onto her cheek.

She gasped and her grip slackened, I took the chance and threw the knife away. I rolled onto my back away from her, attempting to stem the flow of blood. 

_“Why.. Why did you do that?”_

“I.. Should be asking you the same thing.” I hissed at her, gripping a fistful of the front of my shirt and stuffing it onto the wound.

_“I've been nothing but trouble. I-It's easier this way. I've just been a t-thorn on your side, I was nothing but a freak. I'd make it easy for you-”_

“You _fucking_.. Idiot..” I breathed.

She was stunned at my words, I glanced at her and got up to my knees by her side. “Who.. are you to make my choices?” I snarled at her. “I chose you.. I picked you.. nothing will change my mind.. can you understand that...?” I started to slur my words, the blood started to seep through the shirt. My eyes were getting heavy and I was getting woozy.

Yuri said nothing and she propped herself up with her elbows. A silence ensued, letting my ragged breathing occupy the atmosphere. She wrapped her slender fingers around my wrists and gripped tightly.

“I'm sorry..” Yuri’s voice was back to normal, her words breathed through her lips. She started to bawl, “I'm so sorry..” 

I flashed her a small smile before collapsing into a heap. The last thing I saw was both of her beautiful amethysts.


	32. All is clear.

“Wake up, sleepyhead!” A cheerful voice rang in the darkness. Everything felt weird, it felt like I was lying in a field of roses. My body was relaxed and for the first time in forever, I felt at peace. I jolted awake but it felt like my eyes were glued shut, I forced them open and was immediately blinded by a ray of sunlight.

A bright Sayori hung by my bed, leaning forward and wearing an expectant smile. “Finally! I woke up first this time!” She said smugly, “You do realise we're late, right?” 

“Sayori? Late for what-?” I put up a hand to shield my eyes and squinted at her. I realised she was wearing her uniform with the usual style— unbuttoned and with the ribbon hanging loosely around her collar. 

“School, dummy.” She furrowed her brows and pouted. “Did you fall on your head last night or something?” 

My head was abuzz with questions and confusion. I glanced at my hand that was supposed to be bleeding but there was barely a mark. Something was knocking in the back of my mind, like it was forcibly telling me to ignore everything.

“Are you okay?” Sayori asked with an air of concern, leaning closer. 

I squinted at her face, noticing that her neck was also clean and unscathed. I glanced at her hands and even her fingertips were missing their bandages. 

“I- uh.. Yeah. I am.” I nodded, brushing away Sayori’s hand. It kept gnawing at me— what was wrong?

“Well, go get ready! School's gonna start soon, don't want to keep the others waiting!” Sayori said brightly before turning on her heels and walking out the door, skipping in her steps. 

I haven't seen Sayori this happy in ages, but something was definitely off. 

I stood up and stared at the mirror— my nose wasn't broken, my eyes weren't sunken and it felt like nothing was wrong. I looked down at my hand, there was supposed to be blood, a giant gash and pain. 

“Sayori?” I called after her. 

She spun around and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“You said others..” I spoke slowly. “Who are they?” 

“The girls in the club? The Literature Club?” Sayori frowned, walking slowly towards me. “Are you sure you didn't fall off the bed last night-” She tried to laugh.

“Don't try to-” My words were stopped halfway, it felt like my mind was protesting violently. It was so desperately trying to make me ignore the glaring situation I was in. 

“What's wrong? You're acting strange.” Sayori placed a hand on my forehead and pouted. “You seem to be burning up a little.” 

“I'm- I'm fine!” I tried to sound firm, removing her hand forcefully. 

Sayori recoiled slightly at my outburst with her hand still slightly raised.

“Look, I don't think you're okay.” She gave a small smile. “You can stay in bed today and I’ll tell the girls. Maybe they'll come visit you later.” Sayori started pushing me slowly back to the bed until I was seated again.

Confusion erupted in my mind and it felt like it was on fire. I had to force my thoughts out. “Y-Yuri.. Where's Yuri?”

Sayori’s eyes widened at the mention of her name. “Okay, there’s something seriously wrong with you.” She spoke seriously, breaking out of character. “Just go back to bed, alright? I’ll be back-”

“Don't-” The more I tried to remember, the harder my head burned. I gasped in pain, and I felt a stinging sensation in my hand. “We need to find Yuri. S-She could still be bleeding.”

“Bleeding..?” Sayori repeated under her breath, “What are you talking about? You’re scaring me.” She spoke with a grim undertone. 

“I was.. In her house last night-”

“Stop! Don't say these things!” Sayori shouted at me, tears started to sparkle in her eyes. “You just had a bad dream, okay? I understand that you miss her but please-” 

“Miss her? What-?” 

“It's been a year. A y-year.” She repeated. “We have to move on.”

I sank and stared deeply at Sayori. “No way.” I muttered. Slowly shaking my head. “No- No way, that can't be right-” 

Sayori kneeled and enveloped her arms around me. She felt warm and safe, I could hear her softly cooing into my ears.

Slowly, I felt my mind split into two— one half telling me to ignore everything and just leave it as it is, violently trying to force me to be ignorant. While the other was painfully resisting, trying to retain my memories and sanity. 

_This can’t be it._

I gripped Sayori's shoulders and held her back, eyeing her closely. “You're… lying..” With those words, my mind exploded in a white-hot searing pain. I took a staggered foot forward, Sayori stepped back in response. 

I shook my head and grimaced. “Y-You’re still trying to play these sick games. Aren't you, Monika?” 

‘Sayori’ hung her head, pouting and sighing deeply. “Why are you so bent.. on hurting yourself.”

I felt the weight lifted from my head and ‘Sayori’ looked up to meet my eyes. Her eyes shined emerald green and she flashed a sad smile. 

“I tried to show you how easy things would be if you just listened to me.” ‘Sayori’ said pointedly. “I don't understand you, I don't understand what you're trying to do.”

“I could say the same to you!” I snarled. “You're trying to kill them, you're insane!”

“I already told you why we have to do it. And I also warned you not to get closer to them and you did the exact opposite.” 

“We can fix them, help them.” I started, jabbing a finger. “Not make them die faster, can't you understand that?”

“You're absolutely dense.” ‘Sayori’ shook her head and frowned. “This isn't a sickness that you can cure and suddenly they're better. You're racing against time, they're fated to die.” She took a step closer until I was close enough to feel her heated breath on my nose. “You can't save them all, but you can save two.” 

I opened my mouth to retaliate but closed it slowly. “What am I even supposed to do..? Just watch if they try to kill themselves again..?

My lips felt dry and again I felt a heavy weight drop in my stomach. “I don't believe you, Monika.” I spoke softly and clearly. “I'm not choosing.”

‘Sayori’ flashed a sad smile and looked down at the ground. “I knew you'd say that, but I was hoping you'd understand. _I’ll have to choose for you, then.”_

Without warning, she pounced me, tackling me onto the bed and crashing us both onto the floor. ‘Sayori’ attempted to pin my wrists with her knees as she gripped my neck and squeezed. 

“Once everything is over, I’ll return your body back, I promise.” She spoke in a distorted voice, her face was contorted in an expression of sadness and anger.

I jammed my knee into her back, causing her to recoil in pain. Without hesitation, I scurried back to my feet while gasping for air. All the while, scrambling towards the door. 

I held the knob as support and got up to my feet before slamming the door shut. The last thing I saw was ‘Sayori’ staring at me while the green in her eyes pierced my soul.

I felt a stinging pain on my right hand as I held the knob— looking down I realised the familiar wound was back, blood dripped from my hands and onto the floor, staining my shirt as I tried to stem the flow.

The violent shaking of the door suddenly stopped. Everything went quiet except for my panicked breathing, feeling my shaking hands and slowly, I released the doorknob, eyeing the door cautiously.

I felt something that sent a chill down my spine, I turned slowly to see a familiar purple-haired girl standing by the stairs. Her hair flowed down to her waist and even covered part of her face. She outstretched a hand, revealed a wrist that was covered in scars and wounds that still glistened crimson in the minimal light. She tilted her head slightly, curling a sickening smile. 

Without warning, the door flung open and again ‘Sayori’ dove into me. This time sending us both tumbling over the railing and crashing onto the floor below. 

Everything was blurry and I felt dazed. I felt around, struggling to even move my legs.

I was surrounded by darkness, unable to see anything past my hands and feet. I gasped and rolled onto my stomach attempting to force myself up but turned face to face with ‘Natsuki’. 

Her head poked through the bleak darkness, sporting the same gut-wrenching smile and was covered in bruises. Her body frame was as frail as ever, she wrapped her bony fingers around my wrists and sank her teeth in.

I howled in pain and held a hand on her forehead, holding her back. At the same time, ‘Yuri’ forced herself atop of me, tracing her finger down my chest. I tried to scream but was stifled by ‘Yuri’ leaning down and hungrily kissing my mouth, biting my lips and laughing maniacally.

Fear and pain started to grip me, I attempted to scream again but ‘Yuri’ swallowed my voice. Both of their laughter drowned my hearing and desperation rose in my chest. “Monika! Monika, wait-!” I screamed as loud as I could. “Listen to me-!”

With the remaining strength I could muster, I pushed ‘Yuri’ off and scampered backwards. All three girls stood in front of me, their eyes maddened and emerald green. Their hair was the familiar shade of coral brown— a splitting image of Monika. 

I dragged myself and put my back against the wall. Looking down onto my hands and eyeing the blood than ran down my arms. “G-Give me one more chance.” I struggled to get my voice out, looking up to meet their gaze.

“Why? I have you here right now.” They replied in unison, inching closer. 

“I can't just leave. Not like this.” I tried to stand on my mangled leg but the weight was too much as I shakily leaned against the wall.

The girls stopped in their tracks, staring at me with shrewd eyes. “Your affection is blocking the bigger picture.” ‘Yuri’ stepped forward, shaking her head.

“You care about them. I know you do.” I hissed in pain, carefully choosing my words. “I didn't even get a chance to say anything to them. Natsuki is still out there, give me more time to get her. Please.”

‘Natsuki’ tilted her head with the mention of her name, with a puzzled look on her face. “Why should I bother about what happens to any of them? As long she lives, that's all I care about.” She pursed her lips and spoke quietly. “This will be a waste of time if she decides to be the one to take her life instead of the others.”

“And if she doesn't? Living with her dad will kill her anyways. Plus, they’ll be close together. It'll be easier for you, won't it?” I scoffed. “You'll get your body.”

‘Sayori’ stepped forward instead. Shooting a grimace and staring at me with malicious intent. “I know what you’re trying to do. Guilt tripping me won't work.” She slowly faltered, looking at her feet. “I do care for them. And I want them to live.”

All three girls started to sob softly in unison, streaks ran down their cheeks and off their chins. “I've tried. I've tried for so long but all I could do was slow the time they had. I knew that one day, my friends would end up dead.” 

I frowned, staring at the three girls. Monika spoke through them in a distorted voice and in unison. “But you showed up one day, and decided to interfere with their lives.” I could feel a growing sense of animosity as she continued. “So, then I knew there was a way to finally save them. But I needed you. All you had to do was to be there when one passes. _And to choose.”_

‘Sayori’ suddenly stormed forward and held me by the collar, slamming me against the wall. “I sacrificed myself for them. They don't even remember that I exist and I've spent all my life taking care of them! So don't go telling yourself that I enjoy the idea of killing one of my friends.” She flared, her teeth clenched and tears still streamed down her face. _“I've warned you.. not to get too attached.”_

‘Sayori’ slowly slackened her grip and sat down abruptly on her knees in front of me while the other girls did the same. “You get one more chance. But you're mine the next time you sleep.” She reached up and held my hand.

A soothing sensation shot throughout my arm and my body, all the pain I felt was lifted and the familiar feeling of falling into darkness enveloped my vision. 

I woke up again with the real Yuri sleeping by my side.


	33. Surface wounds.

The smell of jasmine filled the air and I could feel the gentle breathing close by my ear, cooing me while I slowly opened my bleary eyes. 

Yuri held me tightly, her arms cradled my head as she held me close to her chest. I slowly peeled myself away, pulling her arms off me. I held both her wrists, noticing bandages that crept up to her forearms.

Sitting up, I noticed that my hand was also heavily wrapped with dressings as well. I noticed the immaculate care that was put into the handiwork, carefully tucked and neatly cut. I studied her face closely, her eyes were puffy and her nose was tinted red.

I leaned in and gave a small peck on her cheek and whispered softly into her ear. I ran my hand through her hair and massaged her scalp. She stirred, opened a misty eye and met my gaze before immediately breaking eye contact. 

Yuri took my hand off her hair and held it close to her mouth, cupping it with both her hands. “When did you wake up..?” She asked in a small, croaky voice. Her eyes were still fixated on her own feet. 

“Barely a while ago.” I replied curtly, glancing at her. She laid by me, cupping my hand close to her face and still refusing to look me in the eyes. It was obvious Yuri was embarrassed, but also regretful. I felt her pull and tug lightly on my bandaged hand, biting her lower lip to stop it from trembling.

“Does it still hurt-?” Yuri asked with an even shakier voice.

“Not anymore.” I felt her lips brush against my hand lightly, “What about you?”

She shook her head slightly. Staring at her, I could feel pangs of mixed emotions inside me— maybe guilt, fear or even sorrow. I could still hear the echoes from my fears, a grim reminder that I had no time. That I mustn't sleep. 

“Yuri, look at me please.” I held her chin and stared into her deep purple eyes. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore. Again I had second thoughts that crossed my mind, it was definitely not a good idea to reveal what I was dealing with. At least not yet.

How was I supposed to tell the person I love that she or her close friends might die? _And I was supposed to be there and watch?_

Her eyes glinted at me, staring into my soul. Behind my tired hazel eyes, the tiring facade I kept up, I was certain she could see my fear. A weight was placed atop my shoulders so strong, it took a staggering amount of will to not even break down on the spot. 

Yuri reached up and cupped my cheek. “I'm sorry.” She whispered with a tearful smile. “Everything that I've done, the pain I caused to you, and Sayori.” Yuri continued, I realised her stutters were gone. For the first time ever, she was sure and confident in her words, speaking in her hoarse voice. “You were right, I was blind. I can see now that you love me, and I love you.” 

For some reason, her words struck my chest like a knife in between my ribs. I heard Monika’s words echo in my head, _“Don't get too attached.”_

I shut my eyes and bit my lower lip. Trying again to not break down, I gripped her bandaged wrist and drew a deep breath. I had to remind myself, I was short on time.

I opened my eyes and met Yuri's amethysts. She looked at me and expected a response but all I gave was a small smile and a light kiss on her forehead. Closing the gap between us and wrapping myself closer to her.

“Yuri, I need your help.” I whispered by her ear while still clinging tightly. “It’s hard to explain what’s going on right now but I promise I'll tell when I’m ready-”

“What's wrong?” She cut me off, holding both my shoulders and sitting up. 

“Yuri, please-” I shook my head. “I-it’s important.” I stuttered, before putting up a smile and meeting her gaze. “I want everyone together again. All four of us, even Natsuki. Can you help me?”

Hearing her best friend’s name, Yuri's face lit up. “Natsuki? We can get her back?” 

I held her hand and nodded. “I promise.” I pulled myself away from her and stood up, my bare feet feeling the cold touch of the floor. “But first, we need Sayorii.”

Yuri's face darkened, but I could make out the newfound confidence in her blooming again. She balled her hands into fists and nodded firmly. “Okay, you're right.” She motioned to get on her feet but froze and stared into the bathroom.

I followed her gaze and recognised the purple knife sitting on the edge of the sink. I made my way towards it and held it gingerly in my hand, it's blade still faint with blood and memories. 

From being a dirty secret, to saving Sayori's life and nearly taking Yuri’s. I still felt slightly sick handling it. I turned to Yuri and gave her a curt smile. “You won't need this anymore.” I slipped the blade back into the handle and pocketed it.

Yuri gazed down at her bandaged arms. Before slowly looking back at me, she shot me a warm smile and said sweetly. “As long as you're with me, you're all that I need.”

________________

The bus ride we took was silent and quiet. Yuri attempted to hide her arms as usual by utilising long sleeves and a thick coat but she still garnered a few stares. Meanwhile, I kept staring at my reflection, watching the figure return my gaze. His hazel eyes and glasses held crookedly by the broken nose. Will I still be able to look myself in the mirror when this is all over?

I glanced at Yuri, it was hard to imagine this quiet girl, to explode into a completely different person. I could still vividly remember her maddened eyes, her slender fingers gripped around the knife and very much ready to take her own life. 

I kept silent. Using most of my mental power to keep the thoughts in the back of my head, no matter how hard they gnawed at me. I looked down at my hands, they started to tremble again. We alighted a stone-throw away from our destination in the falling snow, masking my trembling hands by pretending it was from the cold.

With my house in sight, I managed to steady my breathing. Occupying my mind with the task at hand and led Yuri by the hand.

Yuri froze and stood by the house, as if it was looming over her. She glanced at the door to the building on our left, recognising it to be Sayori's house— It’s door was missing and was just lazily replaced by plywood. 

Yuri glanced at me and I nodded as a response, acknowledging it to be my work. I glanced at Sayori's old window, the pink curtains drawn and blocking any view of her room. I shut my eyes, suddenly getting a vivid reminder of Sayori that I dreaded.

Before anything was done, the door swung open. 

Sayori stood at the doorway, gripping a jacket to her sides tightly from the cold. She beamed and said shakily, “I s-saw you coming. Can we t-turn up the heater?” 

With that, she turned on her heels and went in the house. I turned to Yuri and gave her a curt smile. I knew what she was thinking, Sayori made it painfully obvious that she was ignoring her.

Sayori was sitting on the couch, bundled up with my own blanket and the coat from earlier. I shuffled towards her with Yuri in tow. I could literally feel the tension. 

“You could have at least told me you were spending the night there.” Sayori broke the silence, shooting me a glare. 

But before I could reply, Yuri presented herself. Stepping from behind me and answered quietly. “It was my fault, I told him to stay.” 

Sayori turned and opened her mouth to reply but closed it. Both girls in a loss of words, what was there to say in this situation?

Now was a better time than any, I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. I tapped Yuri's shoulder and placed it in her hand. 

Sayori looked up and immediately recognised the paper— a grim reminder of her attempt. Her suicide letters. She bit her lower lip, averting her gaze and tried to stem the water welling in her eyes. Slowly, she removed her coat and scarf. Revealing the bandage around her neck, and fingers.

I felt Yuri grasp my hand tightly, her fingernails digging into my palm. Sayori slowly peeled away the bandage around her neck, revealing the rope burn like a painful reminder. 

“It was easy.” Sayori said quietly. “It felt so simple to just let go of everything. At the end of the day, I knew you were right. He was better off with you and I was just holding him back, I was just baggage.” She drew a deep breath, clearly tired of crying but still choked on her sobs. “I.. I meant every word in that letter."

I grit my teeth, about to interrupt but Yuri tugged on my hand to stop me. She stepped by me and kneeled in front of Sayori, tossing the paper aside and held both her hands.

Yuri gingerly held Sayori's bandages and pulled them back up. Checking the wounds and even reaching into her bag for any cream to apply on her neck, giving off the familiar jasmine scent. 

I watched her work, Yuri’s lower lip trembled as she handled Sayori's neck. “I know apologies mean nothing. Especially now.” She looked up at met her eyes, reaching up and wiping away her friend's tears. “I regretted everything. I never forgave myself for saying those things and I'm so happy that you're still here.” 

“I was close. So.. So close.” Sayori shivered, “I thought I was already d-dead. Gone.” She looked up and stared me in the eyes, “The last thing I remember before I blacked out was him. And suddenly I remembered to be s-scared.”

Yuri stopped and froze. Her hands froze on Sayori's knees as if she was considering something. Slowly, she rolled up her sleeves, showing her own wounds and weaknesses. “And he saved me too. I still remember what it was like.” Yuri turned and pulled me closer to her side, holding me by my bandaged hand. “You won't be alone anymore, I promise.” With that, Yuri held Sayori in her arms. 

Both the girls’ pain broke into waves, crying onto each other. My fears and anxiety gnawed at the back of my mind, and again I suppressed them.

I stood by the two girls, with a scene like this I should feel happiness. But all I could feel was numbness.


End file.
